Union jokes (not for the easily offended)

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  • Armed Eastsider

    Shooter
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    Jun 13, 2010
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    WARNING: AGAIN NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED. THESE ARE NOT MY JOKES, THEY ARE OFF RANDOM WEBSITES


    Im pretty anti union, in case you couldnt tell. I do happen to have a Teamster job. Please dont tell me "If you hate unions, you should quit your union job"

    Its not really a valid argument, Im not gonna give up a good job because of the union crap that I have no part of.

    Fully expect to severely **** some people off, couldnt care less to be honest. I get pretty sick of the union crap at work. Guys who sit in the break room for 2 hours making $24 an hour because theres no work that directly pertains to their bid. But they are entitled to it per the contract!:noway:

    Some of my favorites:


    ----------------------------

    A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
    in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
    he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
    house?"


    "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."


    "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


    "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."


    Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
    down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
    shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
    where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."


    The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"


    "The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."


    "That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00,
    looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
    "I'd like her for the night."


    "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85
    year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."


    --------------------------------


    Two Teamsters are standing around talking. The first Teamster notices that the second Teamster keeps looking down at a snail near his foot and getting more and more on edge.
    Finally, the second Teamster stomps the snail and crushes it into snail dust and slime.
    “Hey, whydjya do that?” the first Teamster yells. “That snail wasn’t hurtin’ any thing.”
    “The hell you say,” the second Teamster yells. “That damned snail’s been followin me around all day!”


    ----------------------------------


    - How many Teamsters does it take to unload a tractor-trailer? What damn business is it of YOURS?!!


    ------------------------------------


    - How can you tell the Teamsters’ kids at the local playground? They’re the ones sitting in lawnchairs and eating doughnuts.


    ----------------------------------


    - How can you tell when a Teamster’s died? The doughnut drops out of his hand.


    ------------------------------------


    Why do the teamsters use a horse as a mascot?
    Because its the only working animal known to man to sleep standing up….


    --------------------------------------


    Two managers and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from
    back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war...could you help me?" "Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years. The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long term disability."


    ------------------------------------


    What did Jesus tell the Teamsters before he died??


    "Dont do anything til I get back!!"


    -------------------------------------


    Links:

    www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1432594/posts

    www.[B]jokes[/B]4fun.com/category/joke/Union_Jokes

    The last joke I typed myself. I did NOT make it up, but I have heard it so many times, so I dont have a link for that one, but again it is NOT my joke.
     
    Last edited:

    Rookie

    Grandmaster
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    14   0   0
    Sep 22, 2008
    18,155
    113
    Kokomo
    A road crew foreman calls into the shop.
    Foreman:" we have a problem."
    Boss:" What's wrong?"
    Foreman:" we forgot our shovels."
    Boss:" I'll be out there as quick as I can. Lean on each other until I get there."
     

    Field King

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    Oct 26, 2008
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    why not just quit and crossover to non union management for the same company, or is that an even bigger joke as they must have agreed to those silly "per contract rules" you mentioned. I have worked both sides, union and non union and have found equally as lazy and incompetent people in both areas. Good luck. The punchline is here if u look close enough.
     

    public servant

    Grandmaster
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    23   0   0
    images


    :D
     

    Andre46996

    Master
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    Jan 3, 2010
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    Hammond
    And every one is so original... Nice copy and paste job..

    Do you have the authors permission or do you just not care.

    Hmmmmmm profiting (In the form of rep or laughs) while doing nothing. Yep I can see why you are anti-union. Most of us hardworking union guys dislike the slugs that would do something like that. You know get credit or someone else's work.

    I never did see where you even gave a link or credit to the author.
     

    PapaScout

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    21   0   0
    Jun 30, 2008
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    Live in Wilbur, Work in Indy
    why not just quit and crossover to non union management for the same company, or is that an even bigger joke as they must have agreed to those silly "per contract rules" you mentioned. I have worked both sides, union and non union and have found equally as lazy and incompetent people in both areas. Good luck. The punchline is here if u look close enough.

    Yep! :yesway: I've worked on both sides of it and was always amazed at the animosity between the sides. A good company striving to do good work with good people should be working together, but sometimes Company vs Union limits this.
     

    public servant

    Grandmaster
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    My old man was very non-union. When I was a kid...around 5 years old...his company went on strike. He made us kids sleep on the back side of the house for a few weeks until the strike was settled.

    Some of his pro-union co-workers came along one night and shot the windows out of the front of the house. I have no use for people like that...no matter what side of the fence. :twocents:
     

    sparky241

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    May 18, 2008
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    i was a teamster at one point, had nothing but problems with the company and the union did exactly nothing to help me. hell i could'nt find my union steward most of the time. but not all unions are like this. and not all union places are like this either.
     

    LLDJR

    Master
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    5   0   0
    Sep 2, 2009
    1,833
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    Southside/Southport
    As hysterical as the jokes are, they are so true.:yesway:

    I love it, I travel the state going into union and non union shops and plants, and you know for sure when you are in one or the other.
     

    jerp239

    Sharpshooter
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    22   0   0
    Mar 26, 2008
    365
    18
    NE Indiana
    I currently work in a union plant as a contract worker. The job I do was once a union job but was made contract a few years ago. I go in at 4am to start up and have to wake up a union member to get them to come down and do their job, then when I do this they act like I should be strung up for asking them to do their job. My opinion of unions are they have outlived their usefullness, if you go to work and do your job you should have nothing to worry about. In my experience the only people that a union helps are the people that don't want to work, or work harder at getting out of work than if they just did it in the first place.
     

    DRob

    Grandmaster
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    20   0   0
    Aug 2, 2008
    5,869
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    Southside of Indy
    Poor Teamsters

    Seems like you could plug in the name of just about any other union so why would you pick on the poor Teamsters. After all, they are the only union I know of whose pension fund was frozen due to ties with organized crime! Anybody seen Jimmy Hoffa, lately?
     

    br2710

    Plinker
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    1   0   0
    Nov 23, 2010
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    Wayne County
    i was a teamster at one point, had nothing but problems with the company and the union did exactly nothing to help me. hell i could'nt find my union steward most of the time. but not all unions are like this. and not all union places are like this either.

    Where I work at, which is UAW If need a union official all you have to do is go to the union office. They will be in there on the internet.
     

    Armed Eastsider

    Shooter
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    0   0   0
    Jun 13, 2010
    747
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    And every one is so original... Nice copy and paste job..

    Do you have the authors permission or do you just not care.

    Hmmmmmm profiting (In the form of rep or laughs) while doing nothing. Yep I can see why you are anti-union. Most of us hardworking union guys dislike the slugs that would do something like that. You know get credit or someone else's work.

    I never did see where you even gave a link or credit to the author.

    Lol get over yourself, I never claimed I came up with these jokes and most of them are pretty common.

    Im filing a grievance against you!
     

    Andre46996

    Master
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    Jan 3, 2010
    2,246
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    Hammond
    That's funny I reported your post too. I am currently trying to find the author of those jokes to see if he has allowed for public display and usage, after all if articles that pertain to gun owners and our rights can not be copy and pasted I don't see how stuff like this can be.

    I'll keep you updated as to my progress.

    Oh and I actually agree, Teamsters and UAW are the laziest guys I know and make all of us Skilled Trade Guys Look Bad...
     
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