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  1. #2141
    Shooter

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    You never realize what you have, til it's gone...









    Toilet paper for instance.

  2. #2142
    Shooter

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    I was in a job interview today. The interviewing manager handed me his laptop.

    He said, "I want you to try, and sell this to me."


    So I put the laptop under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.


    Eventually he called my cell phone, and said, "Bring it back here right now!"


    I said, "$200, and it's yours."


  3. #2143
    Grandmaster actaeon277's Avatar

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    After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train".

    "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".

    "No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

    "Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"

    Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

    When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,

    "Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

    Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
    Una salus victis nullam sperare salute.
    The only hope for the doomed, is no hope at all
    Virgil

    I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast;
    for I intend to go in harm's way.
    John Paul Jones

    A citizen may not be required to offer a 'good and substantial reason' why he should be permitted to exercise his rights. The rights existence is all the reason he needs.
    Benson Everett Legg - Woolard v. Sheridan

    If you're a noob, develop thick skin, and read the FAQs


  4. #2144
    Certified Bro Shark Ballstater98's Avatar

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    People that cheat on their taxes disgust me. This is not the kind of world I want to raise my 37 dependants in!
    Lifetime LTCH; Lifetime NRA Member; Maker's Mark Ambassador #780040; GOA Member #23463299

  5. #2145
    Certified Bro Shark Ballstater98's Avatar

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    I have a joke about paper.

    Oh, nevermind, it's tearable.
    Lifetime LTCH; Lifetime NRA Member; Maker's Mark Ambassador #780040; GOA Member #23463299

  6. #2146
    Certified Bro Shark Ballstater98's Avatar

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    When my little girl is born, I'm going to name her 'Pregnant', so when a guy meets her:
    Guy: Hi, I'm Paul.
    Her: Hi, I'm Pregnant.
    *case closed*
    Lifetime LTCH; Lifetime NRA Member; Maker's Mark Ambassador #780040; GOA Member #23463299

  7. #2147
    Shooter

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    Doug lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

    He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

    "My son, Andy, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

    "My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

    "My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

    "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."

    The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."

    The wife replies, "You kidding? The ***hole had a paper route."

  8. #2148
    Certified Bro Shark Ballstater98's Avatar

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    Stop complaining about your life. People are out there dating your ex!
    Lifetime LTCH; Lifetime NRA Member; Maker's Mark Ambassador #780040; GOA Member #23463299

  9. #2149
    Grandmaster chef larry's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ballstater98 View Post
    Stop complaining about your life. People are out there dating your ex!
    I like this one.
    Knowledge keeps one from being vulnerable.

  10. #2150
    Grandmaster actaeon277's Avatar

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    Poor bastards

    Una salus victis nullam sperare salute.
    The only hope for the doomed, is no hope at all
    Virgil

    I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast;
    for I intend to go in harm's way.
    John Paul Jones

    A citizen may not be required to offer a 'good and substantial reason' why he should be permitted to exercise his rights. The rights existence is all the reason he needs.
    Benson Everett Legg - Woolard v. Sheridan

    If you're a noob, develop thick skin, and read the FAQs


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