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  1. #2251
    Grandmaster Cameramonkey's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by jamil View Post
    I hope you copy/pasted that.
    Wait, thats a thing? Boy are my fingers sore!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk Freeman View Post
    A confused cop is an arresty cop.
    Quote Originally Posted by hoosierdoc View Post
    also, where do we sign up to touch Frank's equipment?

  2. #2252
    Master daddyusmaximus's Avatar

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    Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car
    over.

    Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

    The driver obviously confused said,"Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?"

    "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".

    "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.


    The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error.

    "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

    These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time"

    "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."


    You know what I like best about most people? Their dogs.

  3. #2253
    Grandmaster Cameramonkey's Avatar

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    OBVIOUSLY drunk guy walks into the bar. He stumbles on his words and eventually says "I'll have a drink. And drinks for all. Including you, bartender."

    Bartender pours the round and tells the guy "That'll be $320."

    Drunk says "I dont have any money."

    Bartender takes him out back and roughs him up, then goes back inside.

    A few minutes later the drunk recovers and goes back in. He says to the bartender "Drinks for the house. EXCEPT YOU! You're mean when you drink!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk Freeman View Post
    A confused cop is an arresty cop.
    Quote Originally Posted by hoosierdoc View Post
    also, where do we sign up to touch Frank's equipment?

  4. #2254
    Grandmaster actaeon277's Avatar

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    "Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem."

    “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” -Plato

    "A citizen may not be required to offer a 'good and substantial reason' why he should be permitted to exercise his rights. The rights existence is all the reason he needs." Benson Everett Legg - Woolard v. Sheridan

    If you're a noob, develop thick skin, and read the FAQs


  5. #2255
    Certified Bro Shark Ballstater98's Avatar

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    Lifetime LTCH; Lifetime NRA Member; Maker's Mark Ambassador #780040; GOA Member #23463299

  6. #2256
    Grandmaster Cameramonkey's Avatar

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    Are you familiar with Murphy's Law?

    If it can go wrong, it will.


    Are you familiar with Moore's Law?

    It states that computing power will double every 2 years due to improvements in transistor density.


    Are you familiar with Cole's Law?























    Its shredded cabbage.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk Freeman View Post
    A confused cop is an arresty cop.
    Quote Originally Posted by hoosierdoc View Post
    also, where do we sign up to touch Frank's equipment?

  7. #2257
    Master daddyusmaximus's Avatar

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    You know what I like best about most people? Their dogs.

  8. #2258
    Semi-Moderator
    Bigtanker's Avatar

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    WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?
    A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
    the woman behind the counter and said,
    'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
    ' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
    'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
    ' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
    'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
    Relieved, the man asked about the types.
    The saleslady replied:
    'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
    Which one would you prefer?'
    Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
    The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'

    The Catholic type supports the masses;

    The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;

    The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;

    The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.


    Need help posting Pictures? GO HERE for imgur
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    https://www.ingunowners.com/forums/f...ing-video.html

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    # 22951

  9. #2259
    Master Hoosierdood's Avatar

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    As a Baptist, I find this not only accurate, but also hilarious.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bigtanker View Post
    WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?
    A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
    the woman behind the counter and said,
    'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
    ' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
    'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
    ' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
    'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
    Relieved, the man asked about the types.
    The saleslady replied:
    'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
    Which one would you prefer?'
    Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
    The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'

    The Catholic type supports the masses;

    The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;

    The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;

    The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.

  10. #2260
    Grandmaster Cameramonkey's Avatar

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    On the subject of religion...






    THE BAPTIST CHURCH DINNER!




    A group of friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.


    When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high."


    He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."


    She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison."
    He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK." So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.


    Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.


    The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played '42' and dominoes. About then, the helper lady came in and whispered in Janet's ear.


    She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot is dead."


    Janet went into hysterics.
    After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.


    The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."


    Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road.


    The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.


    One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.


    After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left. They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and whispered to Janet, "You know, that fellow that run over Ol' Spot never even stopped."

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirk Freeman View Post
    A confused cop is an arresty cop.
    Quote Originally Posted by hoosierdoc View Post
    also, where do we sign up to touch Frank's equipment?

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