Joke of the day.

[jfw46544]

BarackObama steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "OBAMA IS AN *******" written in urine across the snow. Needless to say, "O" is pretty upset.




He storms into ValerieJarrett's office and yells, "Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! That SOB had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where was the Secret Service?"


Valerie, for once, stays silent and stares ashamedly at the floor. Barack yells, "Well, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"


Valerie immediately jumps up and races for the exit. Later that evening, Valerie approaches him and says, "Well Mr. President, I have some bad news, and I have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?"


Obama says, "Give me the bad news first." Valerie says, "Well, I took a sample of the urine and had it tested. The results just came back, and it was...JoeBiden's urine."


Obama says, "Oh my god, I feel so... so betrayed! My own vice president! Well, what's the really bad news?"


Valerie shifts uneasily and haltingly replies, "Uhhhh, it's in Michelle's handwriting."

 

[Informed Decision]

If you're ever asked to define biology & sociology...



biology is when a baby looks like the husband .



sociology is when a baby looks like the neighbor.

 

[indyartisan]

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a
Lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch; writhing in
Agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said:
"How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance,
Lena, is still a virgin -- in every vay.

The doctor told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to
Let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but
Leave it on dere as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors
And formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all
Together...quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, married her, and they went on
Their honeymoon to Duluth. That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open
Her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said:
"Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."

Olaf immediately dropped his pants and replied:


"Look at dis Lena ... Still in DA CRATE!

 

[Mgderf]

One fine day there was a bird walking a path through the woods. Along side the path was a large bush.
When the bird came parallel to the bush, a hand came out of the bush, grabbed the bird, and pulled it into the bush.
The bush started shaking, and feathers were sent flying.
Soon the bird came rolling out of the bush.
It stood up, shook itself off and proclaimed, "I'm a Lark, I'm a Lark, and I've just been sparked!".

Some time later, another bird was walking the same path.
When it came too close, again, a hand came out of the bush, grabbing the bird and dragging it inside.
Once again, the bush started shaking and feathers were flying.
The bird eventually came rolling out of the bush.
It stood, shook itself off and announced, "I'm a Dove, I'm a Dove, and I've just been loved!".

Well, wouldn't you know it, a duck chose to walk the same path.
When the duck approached the bush, a hand came out, grabbed the bird and dragged it into the bush.
The bush once again began shaking, and feathers flying.

The duck finally came rolling out of the bush, shook itself off and complained,
"I'm a drake, I'm a drake, and there's been a TERRIBLE mistake!".

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[tmschuller]

.

 

[ArcadiaGP]

Here's the main thread, if you've lost it

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break-room/25172-ingo-joke-day-page.html

 

[actaeon277]

Here's the main thread, if you've lost it

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break-room/25172-ingo-joke-day-page.html

Yes, I did lose it.

 

[drumsscott]

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[patience0830]

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Wednesday.

Dromedary Day?

Ironically, I believe that camel is gonna want a cigarette soon.

 

[rhino]

What I sent in a text message to a select list of buddies:

Fact: any time a dude who is holding a machete is also naked, he is up to no good. Naked guy with a machete always trumps guy with a machete. Always bad. Always.

The response that fell into my trap:

Just how often do you see nekkid machete men?

And the payoff:

Every time I look in the mirror.

 

[Cameramonkey]

 

[ArcadiaGP]

https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break-room/25172-ingo-joke-day-page.html

 

[GREEN607]

Woke up this morning.......................................................... it really sucked.

 

[GREEN607]

What kind of shoes do illegal aliens wear, to cross the border wall?







SNEAKERS.....

 

[chemteach]

What do Drummers get on IQ tests? ............................... Drool.

 

[chemteach]

How can you tell if a Drummer's seat is level?.................Drool runs out of both sides of their mouth.

 

[chemteach]

How many Drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?......................... Eleven; One to hold the bulb and ten to drink until the room starts spinning.

 

[chemteach]

What do Drummers use for birth control?...................... Their personalities.