Elder abuse

[longbow]

Post your stories of family abusing the elderly so that we all can learn. I have discovered it is more common then I thought. I heard this one yesterday. Charging $2,000 to travel 225 miles to deal with banking issues in another state. The most common is the abuse of power of attorney.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I don't have anything really bad and I'm going to state this very vaguely because you never know: but my wife has a relative that is supposed to be paying for a house he/she bought from his/her mom and dad. S/he rarely ever made a payment; most payments consisted of "signing over the income tax refund"; and I don't think s/he's even done that in years.

 

[hoosierdoc]

I think neglect may be more common than abuse, at least from what I see. There are a TON of older widowed women living in homes that have multiple generations sucking off her social security check and sleeping in the home without paying rent. The expectation is she provides shelter/utilities/food for everyone. That is incredibly common.

 

[HoughMade]

When I was in school, I was a research assistant for a professor who was writing a journal article about elder abuse and neglect issues...I learned enough then for a lifetime. It's depressing.

 

[JetGirl]

In 2007, my mom (I'm her only child) set up her Will/Estate Plan/etc., giving me Power of Attorney.

In 2012, she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with dementia and the onset of Alzheimer's.
She was on meds to slow it down, but her current husband (and his scheming spawn) kept flushing those meds (which I wasn't aware of... she's 1k miles away).

In the fall of 2013, they took her to a notary and changed her Will to take away my POA and name his daughter-in-law. I'm not even named in contacts with the Privacy Act stuff.
I've spent a lot of time and money shuffling through lawyers that deal with elder affairs & family law and get the same answer... Because this particular disease affects each individual at a different rate, there's no way to prove she wasn't "of sound mind" when they got her to sign the revised Will, no matter how hinkey it went down. Even if I chose to fight it, I'm told she wouldn't live until the outcome...it would likely take that long.

Meanwhile, during all the digging through public records and finding out stuff...I stumbled across police reports where he beat the **** out of my mom.

Currently, she's in a nursing home struggling with cancer. I know she had surgery two days ago, but I'm not allowed any info due to the privacy act crap.
I've been told by her piece of crap husband, "Good luck knowing when she dies because I ain't telling you ****."

Is that Elder Abuse-y enough?

 

[Porter]

A lot of what I see is spoiled children/grandchdren. They are showered with gifts when young and come to expect things (money mostly) instead of appreciating anything that they get.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

In 2007, my mom (I'm her only child) set up her Will/Estate Plan/etc., giving me Power of Attorney.

In 2012, she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with dementia and the onset of Alzheimer's.
She was on meds to slow it down, but her current husband (and his scheming spawn) kept flushing those meds (which I wasn't aware of... she's 1k miles away).

In the fall of 2013, they took her to a notary and changed her Will to take away my POA and name his daughter-in-law. I'm not even named in contacts with the Privacy Act stuff.
I've spent a lot of time and money shuffling through lawyers that deal with elder affairs & family law and get the same answer... Because this particular disease affects each individual at a different rate, there's no way to prove she wasn't "of sound mind" when they got her to sign the revised Will, no matter how hinkey it went down. Even if I chose to fight it, I'm told she wouldn't live until the outcome...it would likely take that long.

Meanwhile, during all the digging through public records and finding out stuff...I stumbled across police reports where he beat the **** out of my mom.

Currently, she's in a nursing home struggling with cancer. I know she had surgery two days ago, but I'm not allowed any info due to the privacy act crap.
I've been told by her piece of crap husband, "Good luck knowing when she dies because I ain't telling you ****."

Is that Elder Abuse-y enough?

If I were on your jury....well....you'd be good.

 

[pudly]

I saw this thread and thought it was going to be about ChurchMouse.

 

[churchmouse]

In 2007, my mom (I'm her only child) set up her Will/Estate Plan/etc., giving me Power of Attorney.

In 2012, she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with dementia and the onset of Alzheimer's.
She was on meds to slow it down, but her current husband (and his scheming spawn) kept flushing those meds (which I wasn't aware of... she's 1k miles away).

In the fall of 2013, they took her to a notary and changed her Will to take away my POA and name his daughter-in-law. I'm not even named in contacts with the Privacy Act stuff.
I've spent a lot of time and money shuffling through lawyers that deal with elder affairs & family law and get the same answer... Because this particular disease affects each individual at a different rate, there's no way to prove she wasn't "of sound mind" when they got her to sign the revised Will, no matter how hinkey it went down. Even if I chose to fight it, I'm told she wouldn't live until the outcome...it would likely take that long.

Meanwhile, during all the digging through public records and finding out stuff...I stumbled across police reports where he beat the **** out of my mom.

Currently, she's in a nursing home struggling with cancer. I know she had surgery two days ago, but I'm not allowed any info due to the privacy act crap.
I've been told by her piece of crap husband, "Good luck knowing when she dies because I ain't telling you ****."

Is that Elder Abuse-y enough?

I remember you posting about this.
I get a serious sad every time I read about it.....

 

[churchmouse]

I saw this thread and thought it was going to be about ChurchMouse.

Aw Geez man................

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

My mom just turned 87 and I got her a Life Alert. Wait, that's not abusive. JG, that story makes me sad, and I wish there was some way to fix it I'd be all over that for you.

 

[Slawburger]

In 2007, my mom (I'm her only child) set up her Will/Estate Plan/etc., giving me Power of Attorney...

I remember you posting about this situation. Very sad that you can't take care of your own mother the way you would like because of a new spouse. Things can get weird when a parent gets remarried.

 

[beehunter]

JetGirl I am sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[shootersix]

my fiance works in a nursing home, i hear horror stories all the time, neglect,stealing money/items, you name it!

im giving her my old radio from work so a person has something to listen to(her old one broke and her family takes all her money so se cant get a new one)

how can people do that kinda stuff!, makes me hope that karma is real!

 

[JetGirl]

makes me hope that karma is real!

Dude! Agreed!!
I'm totally rooting for Karma!!
I bought the freakin' T-shirt!!!

 

[hoosierdoc]

Dude! Agreed!!
I'm totally rooting for Karma!!
I bought the freakin' T-shirt!!!

Is that really you? It seems sunny there.

 

[JetGirl]

Yeah, the yellow behind me is a wall (not the sun)... I know it's been a long while since we've seen it, so it's easy to confuse the two since it's been so freakin long! The light coming in is through this thing called "sliding glass door" (I think. If I remember right. It's been so long since that got used, too.). The brightness is what we call "reflection off of snow"... (I think we all know that one without too much explanation.)

 

[bluewraith]

I had an ambulance run once where a very old person was chained to a bed... Can't really go into much more detail than that.

 

[pack-indy]

I think neglect may be more common than abuse, at least from what I see. There are a TON of older widowed women living in homes that have multiple generations sucking off her social security check and sleeping in the home without paying rent. The expectation is she provides shelter/utilities/food for everyone. That is incredibly common.

This. I'm a social worker in a rehab/assisted living/long term care facility. Too many stories, not enough time. Ive seen someone will themselves to die (in a pretty dramatic fashion btw) because they didn't want to return to his own home where his drug addict daughter was shooting up herion. He wanted to give me all of his guns so she wouldn't get them, but that couldn't happen. Crazy stuff.

 

[churchmouse]

This. I'm a social worker in a rehab/assisted living/long term care facility. Too many stories, not enough time. Ive seen someone will themselves to die (in a pretty dramatic fashion btw) because they didn't want to return to his own home where his drug addict daughter was shooting up herion. He wanted to give me all of his guns so she wouldn't get them, but that couldn't happen. Crazy stuff.

No one screws you as completely or deeply as family.