Dinner was interesting last night with the in laws....

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  • longbow

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    I'd post more, but family comes first right now. Fil and mil are now both on hospice.

    Last night my mil tried to eat her paper plate, napkins and bite off the end of a fork. I am amazed she did not break any teeth. She was serious about eating them and was not happy with me taking them away. She made a growling sound when I removed the paper plate from her mouth. It took both hands to pull out the fork.

    At random times she continues to do and ask for socially unacceptable things. Sometimes she even shocks me.

    fil is back to throwing out his socks and underwear. So each evening I get to look for them.

    Fil il now has to be watched more. He placed efferdent tablets in his mouth instead of the denture holder again. He walked over to me and said something is not right and opened his mouth. At least he did not swollow them.

    They both now don't have a concept of time. He will get up at random times each night, get dressed go in the other room for a few minutes. Then go to his bedroom, get undressed and go to bed again. He does that one to three times each night. At random times he will stop, and call out that he does not know what he is doing. My guess is his thought process just goes blank.

    Each day is like groundhogs day. They see the same new things and ask about them with excitement. It drives my wife nuts. I've started moving books around to change up the discovery routine.


    I know I'm in trouble when he walks up to me and tries to smell my breath. He thinks at random times I am drunk and wants me to stop my heavy drinking. My wife then has to calm him down for 10 minutes before he moves on to something else. If I go to the store after dark he worries I'm at the bar and with other women. He paces around the house until I come back.

    Last night he had 58 events on the cameras. The events are movements between the bed, bathroom and leaving his room. Movements on his bed don't count. He gets around ok, but those days are probably numbered. He is most likely a few months from a hospital bed with full side rails to keep him in bed at night.

    We have had a powered hoyer lift for the last few weeks. It's nice to have to move the mil or fil if they are having a bad day.
     

    d.kaufman

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    You sir have a heart of gold. I do not think i could handle this. Good luck to you and your wife! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way for everyone
     

    BGDave

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    I have some experience with an Alzheimer patient. I believe you are going to need at least one Baker bed. I hope I got that right. For lack of a better description, it has a zip up curtain. Top and sides, pretty much escape proof. Balance that with any fire evacuation plans.
    Really sorry to see you in this situation. Your sense of humor will be sorely tested.
     

    longbow

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    I have some experience with an Alzheimer patient. I believe you are going to need at least one Baker bed. I hope I got that right. For lack of a better description, it has a zip up curtain. Top and sides, pretty much escape proof. Balance that with any fire evacuation plans.
    Really sorry to see you in this situation. Your sense of humor will be sorely tested.

    Last week at the dinner table she asked her husband and my wife if I could do certain things for her. She said her husband can't anymore and my wife almost choked on her food at how simple and direct the question was.....
     

    BE Mike

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    Long term care insurance should be in every young person's budget. The fact is that most folks cannot handle taking care of the elderly who need constant supervision and care. The costs of semi-private long term care is $200 and up per bed. My father is fading mentally. It is hard to see him decline. I have to remind myself that it isn't his fault and let folks know that this WWII vet who served in the South Pacific and occupied Japan is a person deserving of care.
     

    eatsnopaste

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    Long term care insurance is expensive but in my families case, very worthwhile. My parents goal was to not have to enter a nursing home. Mom passed last year and dad receives around the clock care at home. The insurance covered them for the first couple years and has since run out, however their savings (greatest generation of course) is going to see him through. Oh yeah, the cost is over 10k a month...
     

    AngryRooster

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    Last week at the dinner table she asked her husband and my wife if I could do certain things for her. She said her husband can't anymore and my wife almost choked on her food at how simple and direct the question was.....

    That goes a bit beyond asking "Do you have any Grey Poupon?"
    Keep you chin up, it sounds like it's been, and will continue to be, an interesting journey.
     

    Fordtough25

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    Be strong and always ready! My wife and I took care of her father in our home for the last year of his life, Parkinson's dementia etc. I found that no service anywhere near us would help short of hospice at the end. It's something that we as people need to take on, our parents deserve it!
     

    Indy317

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    Long term care insurance should be in every young person's budget. The fact is that most folks cannot handle taking care of the elderly who need constant supervision and care. The costs of semi-private long term care is $200 and up per bed.

    I think LTC insurance is only needed if elders want to horde money until they pass and make sure relatives get it. I have to wonder just how costly LTC insurance is and what exactly it pays for. Does it pay for home healthcare, assisted living, or just nursing home care? Do nursing homes turn people away? I always thought they took anyone and just drained their assets until there was nothing left then the person went on Medicare/Medicaid.
     

    Indy317

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    It's something that we as people need to take on, our parents deserve it!

    We are now in an era where we keep people alive for much longer than nature intended. People get saved from heart attacks, strokes, etc. and we just prolong life to the point where we now have lots of people living with dementia and then now someone has to deal with them. I'm not sure why people are so against going into a nursing home and instead placing a huge burden on their kids. My mom said she didn't have us to take care of them if they get bad. Another relative has made comments they never want to be in a home in front of their kids and I just don't think that is right. I know a person who had to be placed into a home once she started playing with matches and lighters. Imagine if they hadn't been well supervised and burned the home down. Too many people try to play full time caregiver while trying to raise their own kids or working a job as well. Many do this to keep the government from sucking all the assets that the older person has. When one of my older relatives went into a home, I honestly didn't think the atmosphere was all that horrible. She had dementia so she was in a locked unit, but when I was in the non-dementia area it was just old people sitting around, talking to each other, etc.. I can't imagine wanting my kids to have to wipe or give me a bath. Just seems wrong to place that burden on the kids.
     

    BE Mike

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    I think LTC insurance is only needed if elders want to horde money until they pass and make sure relatives get it. I have to wonder just how costly LTC insurance is and what exactly it pays for. Does it pay for home healthcare, assisted living, or just nursing home care? Do nursing homes turn people away? I always thought they took anyone and just drained their assets until there was nothing left then the person went on Medicare/Medicaid.
    You really need to research the different options. Rates mostly depend upon one's age. I don't know if nursing homes turn people away, but if one isn't eligible for medicare, who knows? AFAIK individuals have to pay for their care. Medicare can pick up the difference after all funds including all property assets are exhausted. If a home is sold within five years of the person's other assets, then I believe the cash price of the sale of the house must be turned over to medicare. "Hording money?" Yes, of course, if you have a spouse or child that you want to have some money and/ or a home to help them get along, once you must be placed in long term care, long term care insurance is a must.
     

    BE Mike

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    We are now in an era where we keep people alive for much longer than nature intended. People get saved from heart attacks, strokes, etc. and we just prolong life to the point where we now have lots of people living with dementia and then now someone has to deal with them. I'm not sure why people are so against going into a nursing home and instead placing a huge burden on their kids. My mom said she didn't have us to take care of them if they get bad. Another relative has made comments they never want to be in a home in front of their kids and I just don't think that is right. I know a person who had to be placed into a home once she started playing with matches and lighters. Imagine if they hadn't been well supervised and burned the home down. Too many people try to play full time caregiver while trying to raise their own kids or working a job as well. Many do this to keep the government from sucking all the assets that the older person has. When one of my older relatives went into a home, I honestly didn't think the atmosphere was all that horrible. She had dementia so she was in a locked unit, but when I was in the non-dementia area it was just old people sitting around, talking to each other, etc.. I can't imagine wanting my kids to have to wipe or give me a bath. Just seems wrong to place that burden on the kids.
    I think that most people consider taking care of their elderly parents a moral responsibility. Even with all the financial part covered, a lot of folks want to make sure that their parent gets quality care. I've had medical professionals tell me that most people take no interest in their elderly relatives, i.e. taking them to doctor appointments, out shopping, getting hair cuts, etc. Even after a person is placed in long term care, someone must handle the finances (if there are funds left). If nobody is interested in an elderly person's care then I believe the quality of the care for that patient in an institution sharply declines. It is pretty hard to take on the day-to-day responsibilities of nursing care and most folks aren't physically and/ or emotionally equipped to handle it in their own home. My hat's off to longbow for what I consider a Herculean effort. Seeing to the day-to-day care of an elderly person is a strain and a lot harder when the primary caregiver is elderly, as well.
     

    yeahbaby

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    My wife and I tool care of my FIL for 6 years. In the beginning it was not too bad. But the last couple of years were tough. Had to take him to the toilet, shower all that stuff. He would take his spoon (could not trust him with fork) and bang it on the plate or table. He would just start yelling for no reason. I think he was trying to communicate his frustration to us. They are old school Greeks. My MIL did not understand his demise and would yell at him. My wife earned a whole new respect from me during this period of time.
     
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