A few weeks ago an acquaintance not really a friend but but someone I enjoyed talking to while working. Committed suicide she seemed to be funny and mostly normal with a pre teen and teenage daughter. Like many I am sure she, was divorced but making it. Not understanding I just don't see how she could do it and leave her children behind. I guess today it helped to remind me how fortunate our family is.
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Understanding Suicide, or maybe its not possible
- Thread starter wcd
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Terrible.
Sometimes the darkness, dispair, hopelessness, pain, or whatever grows to where we believe can no longer survive it. It's so sad when folks give up. It can happen to most anybody.
Sometimes the darkness, dispair, hopelessness, pain, or whatever grows to where we believe can no longer survive it. It's so sad when folks give up. It can happen to most anybody.
I have personally known three people that committed suicide, one was young, drunk and heart broken over feeling jilted over a girl.
Another was a 45 year old, hard working man in the middle of a divorce. The spousal support was crushing him, as well as the heartbreak of his wife leaving him and taking the kids. She was taking the home he just finished after almost 2 years of working on it himself. I talked with him at work almost daily. He was taking it real badly. The last conversation was that because of the legal proceedings, this is the first year since he was a kid that he could not go deer hunting. I encouraged him the best I could and went home. I figured he would get through it all and build another life, and house if needed. That was the day he lit the house on fire and ate a .44 mag.
Ultimately it was his decision, but like your friend, there are others who are innocent that will carry a lot of pain and burden. It is the job of those around to make sure the kids come to believe that it is in no way their fault. I know old, bald men who are still affected by the suicide of a parent.
To make it more frustrating, in so many cases, the one the death was meant to punish is the least affected.
Living a life of thankfulness IS healthy and productive.
Another was a 45 year old, hard working man in the middle of a divorce. The spousal support was crushing him, as well as the heartbreak of his wife leaving him and taking the kids. She was taking the home he just finished after almost 2 years of working on it himself. I talked with him at work almost daily. He was taking it real badly. The last conversation was that because of the legal proceedings, this is the first year since he was a kid that he could not go deer hunting. I encouraged him the best I could and went home. I figured he would get through it all and build another life, and house if needed. That was the day he lit the house on fire and ate a .44 mag.
Ultimately it was his decision, but like your friend, there are others who are innocent that will carry a lot of pain and burden. It is the job of those around to make sure the kids come to believe that it is in no way their fault. I know old, bald men who are still affected by the suicide of a parent.
To make it more frustrating, in so many cases, the one the death was meant to punish is the least affected.
Living a life of thankfulness IS healthy and productive.
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pilotof727s
Master
I'm sorry for what happened. Just goes to show how much you affect other peoples' lives everyday. Even this poor woman has touched your life even though you aren't friends. My sister has attempted suicide twice before. If you talk to her on a daily basis she seems pretty normal, think of Robin Williams. Once a person starts thinking about the negative things in life there is no way to tell how far those feelings will go. Most of us stop at the "I'm sad" part. Others start thinking about how this sucks, and that sucks...etc. until they have determined that everything in there life sucks and if life is this horrible, there is no way out and a horrible life isn't a life at all. I am trying to be a life coach for my sister. I try to text her every day. Make sure that she doesn't just focus on the negative aspects in life. I have my own job, bills, and family to deal with but if sending a few texts or talking to her for 5 min. a day will keep her on earth until tomorrow, I will gladly do it. I would do it for my neighbor, my co-worker, or any of you! In my opinion, life is to short. It would be great if people would just be nice to each other but all know not everybody is going to be nice. Next time you get the opportunity to hold the door for someone, do it. Tell the lady 3 cubicles down her new haircut is nice. Compliment your neighbors car. Little things can go a long way for people that are smiling on the outside and hurting on the inside.
I can understand some suicides, like for example having a terminal illness where the person will die a long horrible painful death.
For example, there was a man from my hometown that found he had prostate cancer that had already spread all over his body when it was discovered, and there was nothing that could be done for him.
For example, there was a man from my hometown that found he had prostate cancer that had already spread all over his body when it was discovered, and there was nothing that could be done for him.
Depression and bipolar disorder both come to mind for me when people talk about suicide. Unless you have experienced true depression and not just a case of the blahs or occasional sadness, it is hard to understand how anyone can come to believe that death is their only option. My ex-husband suffered from both, and he refused to get help. Eventually, it destroyed our relationship. He became violent and the mood swings/fits of rage were more than I could handle. It was unsafe for my children and me to be there anymore. 15 years after we divorced, he committed suicide. He had attempted it at least one other time that I am aware of. My children were devastated. My son still has a very difficult time as he also experiences some depression but cannot understand how his dad could do this.
I don't know that someone who doesn't experience this level of depression can truly understand suicide. I know a few others who have completed suicides, and have a sister who is a nurse practitioner specializing in mental health. Her husband's sister and the sister's husband died together in a motel room in a suicide pact of sorts. After that, she made suicide a focus of her practice. It is way more common than people realize.
I have learned to never brush off a comment made by anyone about not knowing why they are here or wishing they were dead. What sounds like a joking statement may have a much deeper meaning.
I don't know that someone who doesn't experience this level of depression can truly understand suicide. I know a few others who have completed suicides, and have a sister who is a nurse practitioner specializing in mental health. Her husband's sister and the sister's husband died together in a motel room in a suicide pact of sorts. After that, she made suicide a focus of her practice. It is way more common than people realize.
I have learned to never brush off a comment made by anyone about not knowing why they are here or wishing they were dead. What sounds like a joking statement may have a much deeper meaning.
hoosierdoc
Freed prisoner
Exactly. I can understand some of them, but it's still so sad.
mental illness and depression convinces people the problem is worse than it is, and that there's no hope for the future. Two nurses I work with killed themselves in the last few years, as did an anesthesiologist. I see people nearly every day who consider it and many who actually attempt, and unfortunately some who are successful. I believe many people succumb to a rush of emotion and despair, and when you combine that with easy access such as sleeping pills or a gun you'll get successful suicides in people who a few hours later likely would not have done it.
as was said upthread, make personal connections with those around you. Don't say mean things to people or bully anyone. You never know what their mindset truly is.
i also donMt believe you can stop someone if they are truly set on ending it. We want to, and we admit them to psych facilities if we find out, but eventually they'll get out and do it if they really want to.
good advice
As already mentioned depression and dispare are heavy heavy burdens with out a proper support group.
Having the same experience (knowing folks who have lost people to this and directly loosing people myself) it can be hard to see coming.
I have hit the skids before in this life due to divorce. Lost everything including my sons. I know the weight.
Fought through terminal illness, lost a son to illness........life can be hard.
I never once considered ending it so understanding this, well, I can not. Too much to live for. Even with all the loss.
Sorry for your loss. It is a loss.
Having the same experience (knowing folks who have lost people to this and directly loosing people myself) it can be hard to see coming.
I have hit the skids before in this life due to divorce. Lost everything including my sons. I know the weight.
Fought through terminal illness, lost a son to illness........life can be hard.
I never once considered ending it so understanding this, well, I can not. Too much to live for. Even with all the loss.
Sorry for your loss. It is a loss.
doc and Mom hit it on the head.
My mom suffered depression and was bipolar. Thank God she was able to get the help she needed and was unsuccessful in her attempts.
I battle depression, yes, there were days I just couldn't see a happy ending to the life I was living. I couldn't see the happy things right in front of my face. My mom had just passed from natural causes, I lived 2 hours away from my Dad who needed me, my daughters who were starting there own life as adults. Marriage problems, our business was closing and it all just kept boiling up. I had the means, I never had serious thoughts about ending it though. I had my awakening when my oldest daughter told me she was having a baby. I sought help and I am healthy now, I am happy now. And even though I still have bad things happening in my life, I know there is an end to it, and I CAN make it better.
To those who have never been in that spot, have someone who has committed suicide, don't blame yourself. I was able to hide a lot of my feelings from everyone. I wasn't myself, but even my own family didn't realize how bad I had gotten. it's not even something I can explain, I was there and I can't.
Just be supportive, that was the biggest thing in my life. Calls every day from my kids, friends wanting to go out and do stuff. If that doesn't reach the person who you tried to help, know that even they may not understand why.
My mom suffered depression and was bipolar. Thank God she was able to get the help she needed and was unsuccessful in her attempts.
I battle depression, yes, there were days I just couldn't see a happy ending to the life I was living. I couldn't see the happy things right in front of my face. My mom had just passed from natural causes, I lived 2 hours away from my Dad who needed me, my daughters who were starting there own life as adults. Marriage problems, our business was closing and it all just kept boiling up. I had the means, I never had serious thoughts about ending it though. I had my awakening when my oldest daughter told me she was having a baby. I sought help and I am healthy now, I am happy now. And even though I still have bad things happening in my life, I know there is an end to it, and I CAN make it better.
To those who have never been in that spot, have someone who has committed suicide, don't blame yourself. I was able to hide a lot of my feelings from everyone. I wasn't myself, but even my own family didn't realize how bad I had gotten. it's not even something I can explain, I was there and I can't.
Just be supportive, that was the biggest thing in my life. Calls every day from my kids, friends wanting to go out and do stuff. If that doesn't reach the person who you tried to help, know that even they may not understand why.
Odd you mentioned this today. I ask myself this quite often. On this day in 1985 it was the worst day of my life. That day I found my mother dead in our garage with her car running. I had just turned 17, felt abandoned, ashamed, angry, like I failed and very confused. One year later my grandfather took his life by placing a browning 12 gauge in his mouth. I sometimes think I am jinxed when it comes to that stuff. My best friend hung himself several years ago and another good friend shot himself a few years back. I expected it from none of them.
To be honest, I don't know how people make that choice. I have always thought it was a selfish way out, but I know my mother and grandfather were both the furthest thing from selfish. To answer your question.....I don't think it's possible to understand. What I do know is when this happens close to you.....you spend a lifetime asking yourself the same question you just asked. A person can't dwell on the negatives in life though...the glass must always be half full, be happy with the good in life and let the bad go.
To be honest, I don't know how people make that choice. I have always thought it was a selfish way out, but I know my mother and grandfather were both the furthest thing from selfish. To answer your question.....I don't think it's possible to understand. What I do know is when this happens close to you.....you spend a lifetime asking yourself the same question you just asked. A person can't dwell on the negatives in life though...the glass must always be half full, be happy with the good in life and let the bad go.
Sorry for your loss. Can't understand it.
I had a good friend that committed suicide a couple years ago. His wife had a real bad stroke and he was losing his business because of medical bills. There was no warning whatsoever. One night, bought a new gun, went to his shop and ended it. I got the call on the way to work the next day. It really bothered me, I don't know why he didn't get help. With his wife's illness, he had to be around doctors and folks that could help.
I had a good friend that committed suicide a couple years ago. His wife had a real bad stroke and he was losing his business because of medical bills. There was no warning whatsoever. One night, bought a new gun, went to his shop and ended it. I got the call on the way to work the next day. It really bothered me, I don't know why he didn't get help. With his wife's illness, he had to be around doctors and folks that could help.
I have the misfortune of having suicide touch my life many time (I've lost count of the number).
Ultimately I've concluded that suicide is an irrational act regardless of the circumstances and applying rational thought and analysis in an attempt to understand is futile. The need to understand is very strong for the people left behind, but that need will generally remain unfulfilled. After time (and in some case multiple experiences), you just have to accept that some people will choose to end their lives for their own reasons, which may remain unexpressed and/or incomprehensible.
Grieve as necessary, offer what support you can for others, and continue with life. That's all you can do.
As an aside, each time another suicide happens, it re-affirms my unpopular opinion that it's a horribly bad, wrong choice to make regardless of the situation. Life is tragically short even under ideal circumstances. Whatever is wrong will end soon enough and then the time spent here on Earth was less than an eye blink relative to the time that passes after.
Ultimately I've concluded that suicide is an irrational act regardless of the circumstances and applying rational thought and analysis in an attempt to understand is futile. The need to understand is very strong for the people left behind, but that need will generally remain unfulfilled. After time (and in some case multiple experiences), you just have to accept that some people will choose to end their lives for their own reasons, which may remain unexpressed and/or incomprehensible.
Grieve as necessary, offer what support you can for others, and continue with life. That's all you can do.
As an aside, each time another suicide happens, it re-affirms my unpopular opinion that it's a horribly bad, wrong choice to make regardless of the situation. Life is tragically short even under ideal circumstances. Whatever is wrong will end soon enough and then the time spent here on Earth was less than an eye blink relative to the time that passes after.
There is no understanding suicide for most people. The depth you get to, where you see no way out, no possible solution, and no one who gives a crap but yourself. It sucks, and yes, I've been there. I think I was 19, and my plan at the time was to climb to the top of the science building on the college campus where I was, and swan dive onto the sidewalk below. How serious was I? Given that I found a friend and said something, and had to tell him how to talk me out of it, I'm not sure. In my mind at the time, I think I was serious about it, but looking back, I think I just wanted to know someone cared enough to sit and listen. (He dropped a line on me that has stuck with me ever since. I've heard it put a number of different ways, but his words were, "It doesn't just affect you." *BAM* hit me between the eyes. I've never worried about suicidal thoughts since then. Never been anything that was going to happen. I most recently heard it said that suicide does not end the problem, it just passes it on to those closest to you.)
I see people who have attempted it, and some who have "attempted it" (the latter having made some gesture that could be taken seriously, but only when taken with a grain of salt the size of, say, Mars. Example: The guy who has 5 or 6 fading red marks on his left wrist, 30 minutes after the use of the knife that put them there, skin unbroken. Compare and contrast that with the guy I heard about (grandfather of a former coworker of mine) who took out a jackknife and severed his head from his neck before he hit the ground. That's commitment there.)
I also had a coworker a few years ago... happy, go-lucky guy, all smiles (really. I never, ever saw this man that he wasn't smiling), give you the shirt off his back and go buy you a pair of pants to go with it. Real salt-of-the-earth type. Went home from work one night and while his wife was putting their daughter to bed, he sent her a text. While she was reading it, she heard the shotgun go off. The reasons, at least some of them, are known. Others never will be, and it's not my place to tell the ones I know. I can say that seeing him end it... that messed some of us up for a long time after the fact. One of the few funerals I've gone to.
Why do they do it? There are as many reasons as there are people who attempt it.
Do note that I didn't say that there are any GOOD reasons to do it. There may be some, but none I've seen.
It all comes back to their own twisted thoughts. If you find someone whose words, actions, or whatever twig your senses... listen. You may be the one they're reaching out to.
Blessings,
Bill
I see people who have attempted it, and some who have "attempted it" (the latter having made some gesture that could be taken seriously, but only when taken with a grain of salt the size of, say, Mars. Example: The guy who has 5 or 6 fading red marks on his left wrist, 30 minutes after the use of the knife that put them there, skin unbroken. Compare and contrast that with the guy I heard about (grandfather of a former coworker of mine) who took out a jackknife and severed his head from his neck before he hit the ground. That's commitment there.)
I also had a coworker a few years ago... happy, go-lucky guy, all smiles (really. I never, ever saw this man that he wasn't smiling), give you the shirt off his back and go buy you a pair of pants to go with it. Real salt-of-the-earth type. Went home from work one night and while his wife was putting their daughter to bed, he sent her a text. While she was reading it, she heard the shotgun go off. The reasons, at least some of them, are known. Others never will be, and it's not my place to tell the ones I know. I can say that seeing him end it... that messed some of us up for a long time after the fact. One of the few funerals I've gone to.
Why do they do it? There are as many reasons as there are people who attempt it.
Do note that I didn't say that there are any GOOD reasons to do it. There may be some, but none I've seen.
It all comes back to their own twisted thoughts. If you find someone whose words, actions, or whatever twig your senses... listen. You may be the one they're reaching out to.
Blessings,
Bill
There isn't much that you can understand.
Some people have reasons to do it. Others do not. It isn't like they were wanting to do it, but perhaps they thought the world would be a better place without them.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Some people have reasons to do it. Others do not. It isn't like they were wanting to do it, but perhaps they thought the world would be a better place without them.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I only have a very small experience with this .....
My brother, had a brother in law, that attempted .....
He wound up a "cripple", walked with a cane, till he passed .....
I LOVE LIFE, there is nothing better, at least here on earth .....
I have had my ups, and downs, it ALWAYS gets better,
maybe not right away, but it does .....
I am so sorry for your loss .....
Prayers sent .....
