HELP!!! I need FUNERAL information.

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  • Libertarian01

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    The Friday before the Winamac shoot I got a call from my friend Kevin's daughter. My buddy had a heart attack that day. Two (2) arteries were 100% blocked. While he was in cardio ICU Sunday his mother passed away.

    So while he is in the hospital recovering his adult daughters are trying to organize some things without good communication. So he asked me to step in and bulldog some things I am trying to get some information in place for him. I tracked down maybe(?) one (1) life insurance policy. The last lawyer she had retired under Pres Carter and died under Reagan. Allen County Bar Association is adding her name and info to their weekly newsletter for me to see if their members can be of help.

    Here's the big problem: she died penniless. No significant bank accounts, no IRA, no stocks, mutual funds, etc. So if the life insurance doesn't pan out we're looking at mass garage sales as the woman was a hoarder.

    Now I hear the funeral home (unknown to me) is pushing to begin the embalming process. I advised against allowing this as I don't know what you may be tangentially agreeing to.

    He should be out of the hospital tomorrow and I'll be stopping by the County Records office with him to pick up at least two (2) certified death certificates. His father was a WWII combat veteran. I'll be looking into contacting the VA for any possible benefits.

    What I am asking on here is that while I know the funeral homes will push a lot we don't have to eat it. What exactly is the best way to find an affordable funeral? What is required by law, if anything? Is there an advocacy group that can be called for information?

    ANY advice or input no matter how great or small would be appreciated so I can pass on some help. He is really behind the 8ball on this.

    Thanks in advance,

    Doug
     

    awames76

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    when dad passed the va gave him a plaque or $200 iirc. he was not a combat vet. as far a funerals dont remember on dads scene mom was around, although we did help. after mom passed we had a sat and sun survive it was just over $10,000. but she prepayed for it so there was money for it and we had to use it or it went to the state scene she was on Medicaid. u set down and talk to the funeral home and they will tell u the cost. sunday is more expensive. the casket was almost $3000, plot opeing was $200 or 400 dont remember. dad was cremated and it was alittle less than casket.

    if ur not set on a funeral home shop around and get the best deal u can or try place A said $$$ and B said $$$ C will u beat them.
     

    Rookie

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    They're probably pushing embalming because it's required for a viewing and there's a window it has to be done in.
     

    1911ly

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    If it a closed casket the body does not need to be embalmed.

    Most county's will pay for a basic coffin (card board box) and give a grave sight but it will not have a marker. No ceremony except those that gather grave side. I know of 2 people buried this way. The county will take what is left of the estate if the family agrees to the terms.

    Contact the county health department.
     

    IndyDave1776

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    My mother wanted to be cremated but didn't really say much else regarding details. I ended up spending $2500 for cremation and a memorial service with a nice enlarged photograph and the cremated remains in an urn. This bypassed the need for embalming and was satisfactory in my reckoning given that I took the attitude that anyone whose being able to see mom had done so while she was still alive, so I wasn't going to spend double the money for people who didn't care to see her alive to be able to see her, well, not alive.

    For the sake of the family, I hope she had a close enough relationship with a good preacher such as to allow for a good service. In mom's case, knowing the type of service she would have wanted coupled with my personal disdain for cookie cutter services led me to do it myself. I received a lot of positive feedback afterwards, but while the desired results were achieved, it was like I could feel the life draining out of me. I haven't been quite the same since and couldn't manage another funeral service even for a complete stranger. If this type of thought comes up with any of the family members, I wouldn't strongly discourage anyone, but would make sure that they think it through thoroughly before attempting such a thing.
     

    bwframe

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    My experience with funeral directors is poor. They are scoundrels who prey on the frail emotions of those who are near death or have just experienced it.

    It was all I could do to sit in the room and keep my mouth shut to support my loved one who was making the decisions. They suckered my step mother into buying a casket and embalming my father for the services, to then cremate his remains. My father would have never wanted her to throw those thousands of dollars away like that.
     

    IndyDave1776

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    I have seen both very good and very bad in funeral directors. It would be nice if there were a way to tell before it was too late to alter course if you don't have one you already know to be good.
     

    CindyE

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    I like the "celebration of life" vs the funeral. Went to one at a church for an older friend and neighbor who passed. It was a very positive event, with pictures and things he had collected. No casket, he was cremated. Friends and family got up and shared funny or inspiring stories about him. This can even be done at someone's house, etc.
    A friend's FIL passed recently, also basically penniless. I honestly don't know if it is tacky or not, but i knew money was a concern, so i asked our friend if he thought the family would appreciate money toward the expenses, vs flowers, food, etc. He quickly said "money". I called the funeral home and used my credit card to make a donation toward the expenses. It wasn't a huge donation, but if others did it, it would sure help.
     

    Gary119

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    There's a funeral home South of Indianapolis that does/did cremation for around $1000.00

    For burial, if within your or a family members means, you might consider making a casket.
     

    BiscuitsandGravy

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    My experience with funeral directors is poor. They are scoundrels who prey on the frail emotions of those who are near death or have just experienced it.

    It was all I could do to sit in the room and keep my mouth shut to support my loved one who was making the decisions. They suckered my step mother into buying a casket and embalming my father for the services, to then cremate his remains. My father would have never wanted her to throw those thousands of dollars away like that.

    I've witnessed this myself with a friend. I hope there are no funeral directors or owners on INGO... They are lower than the lowest bottom feeders. They will prey on families at their most vulnerable time in their entire lives. "Mom had a $10k policy for her funeral". Not enough. They'll try to get into your pocket for even more... "Wouldn't your mother want this or that, its only another $2500". Sure let the surviving family cough up another $2500 because you'll be a low life jerk if you don't want to spend more on your Mothers funeral. Wouldn't your family like to ride in the limo to the service? Another $250.

    Low lifes. I've seen it. It happens. Scoundrels is exactly right. They'll want the life ins policies to come directly to them too. Don't do that. Hold on to your wallet very tight. Be strong.
     

    Rookie

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    I told my children what I want them to do when I die. I want them to look at the doctor, nurse, or whoever, point to my body and say, "that's not my problem". Then I want them to take the 10-20 thousand they would have wasted on a funeral, and go on vacation.

    Funeral homes take advantage of grief, and charge ridiculous prices because they know they have you bent over. When my father in law died, I suggested that I could build a casket. They quickly shut that down, saying it wasn't allowed, and they were more than happy to charge thousands for something that could be built for a lot less. Urns were hundreds of dollars, and I'm sure they weren't more than $20-30.

    I have no problem with people making money, but to charge thousands over their cost is disgusting to me.
     
    Last edited:

    Vigilant

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    As stated, $2500 can get you a creamation, and a memorial service in a funeral home for a few hours. Mine was sans a director, but who cares, it's not like the director knew the deceased or any of the folks coming to the memorial!
     

    gunrunner0

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    If she had hospice care, start there. They'll likely have a social worker than can walk you through the process and help with contacts for different things. My wife is a social worker with a hospice agency, and I believe she's mentioned some medicare/SS funding for funerals/ death expenses, I don't think it's much but it's bound to help.
     

    CHCRandy

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    When my FIL passed away my wife took care of arrangements. We paid $8000 for a casket. A couple weeks later I was going over paper work from funeral and noticed the model number of casket, I googled it and sure wish I hadn't. It was available in Batesville for less than $3000. They sure jacked us.

    There is a crematorium in Mooresville Indiana that is very reasonable.....you drop the body and pick up the urn for like $1500. https://www.simplecremationonline.com/arrange-a-cremation?view=carrangement&layout=default
     

    Libertarian01

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    To All,

    First, thank you SO much for the information!!! I will be passing this along.

    Second, Ruth did not want to be cremated. The family is strongly trying to honor her wishes (this doesn't rule cremation out, just avoided currently.)

    Now for a problem, and I am getting this second hand so don't take it as gospel. As I understand it the funeral home that currently has moms body is REFUSING to do the paperwork required to complete the death certificate unless the family signs papers.:xmad: Is there any way to force the funeral home to complete whatever paperwork is required to get a death certificate?

    For some good news her church is willing to do a part of the funeral for free, so that will help.

    Also secondhand, they have already embalmed her. IF so, does this rule out cremation?

    One thing Ruth was realistic and wanted was a pine box, nothing fancy. Can a funeral home force the rental of a coffin for display purposes?

    The final problem right now is that this family has almost no money... Ok, no money. Working poor. So their options of telling someone to pound sand and pay for alternatives is limited.
    I am pushing them to start calling other funeral homes first thing tomorrow and get quotes. They are willing to use facilities In Ft. Wayne, Decatur, Monroeville or anywhere near Ft. Wayne but outside as I suggested (thanks to :ingo:) that pricing may be significantly less expensive.

    I will be so thankful when this is over and my friend can get back on track. He is allowed to return to work the first week in July so that will be a blessing.

    Regards,

    Doug
     
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