Another question of the day.....don't get angry it's just family

[longbow]

My FIL has passed and my BIL remains on his vacation and has talked with my wife about 2 minutes over the last 5 days.

He is not coming back early and has offered zero help for the funeral. I'm not surprised and to be honest it's a good thing. He'll be back Saturday

After the services and the reading of the will I will be a happy man.

please take my poll......

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Family can sure make your life just as miserable as a perfect stranger can. Hopefully your ordeal is nearly over and you can start a new chapter of your life.

 

[GregD]

I would think that the funeral would be either Thursday or Friday. Just let your BIL know which day you and your wife have decided on.

 

[Cameramonkey]

I'll add a qualifier to my last post in your other thread.

It will be hard, but I will pray for all of you. The hard part will be praying for his sorry ass. (but I probably will, because that type of sorry sack of s... needs prayed for the most)

 

[Cameramonkey]

I would think that the funeral would be either Thursday or Friday. Just let your BIL know which day you and your wife have decided on.

PERFECT idea. Dont delay for him. If he was deployed, working, etc and saturday was the earliest he could get back due to 3rd party restrictions*, THEN it would be appropriate to delay.

*EDIT: his choice not to go is not 3rd party restrictions. I'm talking about your job, military service, etc.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I would think that the funeral would be either Thursday or Friday. Just let your BIL know which day you and your wife have decided on.

Yeah, he obviously doesn't care enough to stick around and help. You might be doing him a favor by scheduling the services while he's out of town. When my wife's dad died, "they" talked her mom into not only a delay but 2 days of visitation. That was misery for my wife. She vowed she'd never put her family through that drawn out mourning process.

 

[longbow]

The delay is for a wedding we are going to. The delay is to save a travel mess for the family we care about.

 

[rhino]

My FIL has passed and my BIL remains on his vacation and has talked with my wife about 2 minutes over the last 5 days.

He is not coming back early and has offered zero help for the funeral. I'm not surprised and to be honest it's a good thing. He'll be back Saturday

After the services and the reading of the will I will be a happy man.

please take my poll......

My condolences, sir.

Your brother in law is demonstrating some unpleasant behaviors. If they are indicative of his overall character, then you're better off without him nearby.

The delay is for a wedding we are going to. The delay is to save a travel mess for the family we care about.

We had to do the opposite for my father in October. His brother and a couple of my cousins were trying to visit him one more time and didn't quite make it. We had the funeral almost right away so they could attend. We still had a good turnout . . . lots of text messages and probably people using The Facebook helped.

 

[Thor]

Make sure he knows the reading of the will is the week after it happens.

And bacon.

 

[femurphy77]

Just out of curiousity, were father and son close? The birth mother and I are estranged and have been for many years and I'm not so sure I will handle it much differently than your BIL although in the end it will be the right thing to do for my sister.

 

[longbow]

...we picked out the food to have for after the funeral. It's already done. My wife just got a text saying what food we should have for the guests from him. I'd call it demands. She ignored it.

Monday is going to be fun.

 

[longbow]

Just out of curiousity, were father and son close? The birth mother and I are estranged and have been for many years and I'm not so sure I will handle it much differently than your BIL although in the end it will be the right thing to do for my sister.

If you asked him and didn't know him he would tell you yes they were close. He has a chip on his shoulder that has been brewing for decades. The things my FIL told me where not so nice. It bothered him so much he changed his will 4 years ago to make sure things were corrected. I honestly don't know what he did in the will.

Other things I know but won't post on the internet. However, at a later date I could and then it will be a mess for him.

 

[DeadeyeChrista'sdad]

Typical. Sadly so.
When my FIL passed neither of his sons lifted a finger, or came up.
The closest one said he'd be up to help my wife pack up the apt., but bailed at the last minute to go to lunch with a friend. What a piece of work.
I hope to never see either of them again.
Their dad was flawed, and carried war scars for much of his life, but he was a good and honorable man.

 

[SSGSAD]

Again, please accept my prayers, for you and yours .....

I am the 44th person, to answer yes, on your poll .....

I can't say what I want to say, but I think you get the idea .....

Again my prayers, to you and yours .....

 

[CHCRandy]

I did not vote because I feel this is a question with many variables, not as black and white as one would think. When my father passed away, it was sudden and I was in the middle of trialing my beagles for a top spot in the nation with 2 dogs. It was a Friday evening at about 6 when I found out he passed away. I had my dogs loaded and other people on the way to my house in Indiana so we could convoy to Chillicothe, Ohio. I cried and wept like a little baby that had his favorite toy taken, but then I thought what good am I going to do him if I cancel everything and go sit in Virginia. I felt it would be more fulfilling to both he and I if I went to Ohio and kicked some ass running rabbits. It was a long weekend...drove most of the night Friday, ran dogs Saturday, drove all night Saturday night to Wooster to run dogs Sunday....then headed to Indy and unloaded dogs, picked up kids and headed to Virginia...I was there on Monday morning to make funeral arrangements and see dad before they prepared him. I don't remember how my dogs did in Ohio, but I know they both finished the year in the top 10 in the nation and I know my dad would have been proud of that.

To this day I have mixed feelings about my choice. I am sure my family thought I had lost my mind...but my dad knew how important my dogs were to me and he knew how hard I had worked training them and I know he wouldnt have wanted me to miss the opportunity over something I could be no help with anyway. Plus having my friends around me all weekend helped me and I still remember feeling like dad was with me in spirit.....but maybe I should have thought about my sisters and Aunt a little more. My dad was my best buddy in the world...I worshiped the ground he walked on. Sometimes I feel like I may have let him down....I kind of regret my decision but hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[IndyDave1776]

The best thing is that in a relatively short time you and your wife will both be able to wash your hands of this brother-in-law.

I would think that for there to have been a weak enough relationship to justify his behavior, there would have to have been a weak enough relationship that he wouldn't bother coming to the funeral at all. My dad and I to say the least had a contentious relationship most of my life. My brother called me when they took him to the hospital believing that he was not in life-threatening condition. He called back about an hour and a half later to tell me it was worse than they had thought. You know you are in a hurry when you make a 3406 Caterpillar scream like a Japanese motorcycle (for the record I was running it about 800 rpm past red line). I still didn't make it before he passed out and spent most of the day after they moved him to Indianapolis alternately with him and with my family in the waiting room before we lost him that afternoon.

I can understand the likelihood that you will thoroughly enjoy telling BIL to go **** up a rope and be done with him for the rest of your life.

 

[freekforge]

When my grandpa died we my parents my sister and i were staying in Milan, IN to go to friendship. My grandpas wife called at 1am and told my friend who broke the news to me and i had to tell my mom. we stayed the rest of the night and left in the morning for safety as we were all wiped out and to give mom a chance to calm down. If we could we would have left right away.

My uncle lives in NJ and flew in to meet with the family the day before the funeral for a couple hours and then left. Him and gpa weren't on good terms but i appreciate him meeting with mom for a bit.

 

[Expat]

All 4 of our parents are gone, but on each of them, we dropped whatever we were doing to get there. On the FiL, we were out of state on a trip. You do what you have to do.

 

[Caleb]

Longbow, your BIL is a complete jerk and is self centered...for that, I feel bad for any surviving family members. I hope your BIL doesn't get a dime in the will!