So I gave advice to a lifelong friend to try save his marriage***,

[longbow]

He has two young and smart kids
A stay at home dad
His wife has a great job
He says his wife is mean
He claims she has been mean to him for ten years and still had two kids during all the drama
He claimed she wants out too, and she will pay for him to keep living in the house after the divorce

i talked with her and the things he told me are not true
He has a lady friend that he spends a lot of time with each day
She wants to save the marriage and do more consulling

i then told my friend he should try to save the marriage for the good of his kids.

That was last week. He told me he is not going to talk to me again and served her divorce papers. I feel sorry for all of them.

 

[churchmouse]

Your friend might possibly be a lazy douche. Or not....

 

[Itchytriggerfinger]

Sounds like she's better off without him.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

When I was younger, I thought I'd "help" a couple that we were really good friends with...we've never seen or heard from them since. I learned a lesson -- bud out. If they want my help watching the kids or moving or something along those lines, sure...I'll help. But that's it.

 

[indytechnerd]

I believe both of the above responses are true statements.

Church and Itchy, I mean, since GFGT jumped in milliseconds ahead of me.

 

[tetter]

I think you did the right thing for trying at least.

 

[spec4]

Don't get between a husband and wife. Exception: the husband is a good friend and he asks you for advice. Even that can come back to you though.

 

[ChristianPatriot]

He has two young and smart kids
A stay at home dad
His wife has a great job
He says his wife is mean
He claims she has been mean to him for ten years and still had two kids during all the drama
He claimed she wants out too, and she will pay for him to keep living in the house after the divorce

i talked with her and the things he told me are not true
He has a lady friend that he spends a lot of time with each day
She wants to save the marriage and do more consulling

i then told my friend he should try to save the marriage for the good of his kids.

That was last week. He told me he is not going to talk to me again and served her divorce papers. I feel sorry for all of them.

Reversing the roles we were DESIGNED to be in, although I understand it is necessary in certain instances, it’s never ideal.

 

[hoosierdoc]

I am home with my kids during the day a lot. It's 98% moms when we go somewhere. It's tough as a stay-at-home dad to do things with others in the same circumstance. I can see how female friendships develop and the dangers that exist there.

Anyone will tell a story to a friend to make it look like they are not the bad guy. I had a friend tell me his wife was having an affair so he's leaving her, he left out the fact that he was too

 

[rob63]

Reversing the roles we were DESIGNED to be in, although I understand it is necessary in certain instances, it’s never ideal.

Seems to me like the problem was the lady friend, that happens regardless of roles.

 

[ChristianPatriot]

Seems to me like the problem was the lady friend.

Agreed, his living situation probably facilitated the relationship more than it otherwise would have. I only have ONE female friend, and I sleep with her every night. I am very careful not to get close with anyone else. Be kind. Be cordial. Don’t get close.

 

[DeadeyeChrista'sdad]

I can remember ONE time I gave someone marriage advice, and it worked out. I was asked, or I wouldn't have. And, I hated the advice I had to give. They are still together, though.

 

[BiscuitsandGravy]

You tried and gave it a honest try. Now its time to stay out. Just that simple. It will save you a lot of headaches and possibly lost friendship. I honestly would not have tried. You never have the full story of what is going on in someone else's marriage.

Just pray for the kids. It will affect them.

Sounds like conditions were ripe to let a home-wrecker in (lady friend) and that's what happend. You could write books on it...

If their hearts are not both 100% in trying to seek counseling/work-it-out. Pull the ejection handle.

 

[WebSnyper]

He has two young and smart kids
A stay at home dad
His wife has a great job
He says his wife is mean
He claims she has been mean to him for ten years and still had two kids during all the drama
He claimed she wants out too, and she will pay for him to keep living in the house after the divorce

i talked with her and the things he told me are not true
He has a lady friend that he spends a lot of time with each day
She wants to save the marriage and do more consulling

i then told my friend he should try to save the marriage for the good of his kids.

That was last week. He told me he is not going to talk to me again and served her divorce papers. I feel sorry for all of them.

Damn, so dude found a sugar momma and is giving it up. if I could stay home with kids and had a decent lifestyle I would have. He'll likely find out the grass is not greener, and dealing with broken family, etc will be more demanding, and probably won't have near the satisfaction he had before.

Reversing the roles we were DESIGNED to be in, although I understand it is necessary in certain instances, it’s never ideal.

Not sure I get that. That being said, I worked and my wife has generally had very small part time jobs since the kids were born, due to health reasons and to also be able to be with the kids. But I would have loved to have the roles reversed or had less pressure to be the one to bring home the $ and all weight of health insurance, etc and staying ahead of political and other games at work.

 

[PGRChaplain]

I get approached with problems like this every now and then. I have 2 Professional Counseling folks that I know and recomend. That way I'm never the "Bad Guy".

 

[Kutnupe14]

At first, thought your advice was on of those insightful feel good poems (I mean it has stanzas for Pete's sake!). Then I was like "that's a really bad poem." Then I read the rest of the thread...

I'd stay out of it for sure.

 

[WebSnyper]

At first, thought your advice was on of those insightful feel good poems (I mean it has stanzas for Pete's sake!). Then I was like "that's a really bad poem." Then I read the rest of the thread...

I'd stay out of it for sure.

Eh, the guy wasn't really looking for advice. He was looking for someone to agree with him so he could rationalize his decision. If he was really looking for advice, he would not have cut ties over getting some.

 

[IndyDave1776]

I suppose I don't necessarily take the majority opinion here. It sounds like good advice was given. The conventional wisdom is to refrain from doing so by virtue of the potential for giving honest and good advice to adversely affect the friendship. My thoughts are that 1., you did the right thing, 2., you are not being a true friend if you refrain from being truthful with your friend, regardless of the outcome, and 3., if your friend is going to ditch you over giving him good and honest advice, is this someone you really want for a friend anyway?

 

[Spear Dane]

He has two young and smart kids
A stay at home dad
His wife has a great job
He says his wife is mean
He claims she has been mean to him for ten years and still had two kids during all the drama
He claimed she wants out too, and she will pay for him to keep living in the house after the divorce

i talked with her and the things he told me are not true
He has a lady friend that he spends a lot of time with each day
She wants to save the marriage and do more consulling

i then told my friend he should try to save the marriage for the good of his kids.

That was last week. He told me he is not going to talk to me again and served her divorce papers. I feel sorry for all of them.

You told him the wrong thing. Children are never a good reason to 'save a marriage'. They just end up living with two parents who hate each other and it creates a toxic environment.

 

[CampingJosh]

If I lose a friend but it saves his marriage, I would consider that a success.

Lots of people here would just stay out of it. I understand the sentiment, but I don't think that doing so is always being the best friend that a person could be.