I'm thankful to be alive

[Tactically Fat]

Once again I have cheated death.

To set the scene: My wife has been training, since the end of January, to run the Indy Mini Marathon. She just finished her 10 mile race last weekend in an ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC time of 1:38. She kept her same pace from mile 1 to mile 10. She's been working so freaking hard at this and I am so freaking proud of her.

So...

The other day, my wife's employer/health insurance company offered a health screening for all those wishing to take it.

Yesterday she let on that according to the "charts" for ideal weight / BMI that she is...higher on the chart than she wants to be.

So I say: "Welcome to my world!"

Her response: "Yeah, but you've not been working your ASS off."

I, in my infinite wisdom, walk up behind her, pat her on the butt, and say "Apparently you haven't been..."

I am still alive. For now.

 

[Thor]

Play stupid games...

 

[indiucky]

I'll miss you Tactically Fat...

 

[Bigtanker]

Dibs on your guns.

 

[Yosarian87]

For now...I’d watch out for the long game.


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[spencer rifle]

You may be kissing that, so you might as well find it attractive.

 

[tmschuller]

Here is a good follow up joke I will shorten it and you all can fill in the blanks but it hopefully will still be good:

Wife say's Honey do you think my breasts are big enough??? Husband says I love them but you might try using toilet paper... Wife says : I never used toilet paper to stuff my bra in jr high and I am not about to start now... Husband reply's No you got it wrong , you've been using toilet paper on your hiney for years and look how big that is........

If you do choose to use that the above joke is merely implied and for training purposely only, in the case of a emergency RUN to the exit and safe place of your desire. Using the above joke may cause pain and injury not covered under common sense.

 

[JLJK]

Here is a good follow up joke I will shorten it and you all can fill in the blanks but it hopefully will still be good:

Wife say's Honey do you think my breasts are big enough??? Husband says I love them but you might try using toilet paper... Wife says : I never used toilet paper to stuff my bra in jr high and I am not about to start now... Husband reply's No you got it wrong , you've been using toilet paper on your hiney for years and look how big that is........

If you do choose to use that the above joke is merely implied and for training purposely only, in the case of a emergency RUN to the exit and safe place of your desire. Using the above joke may cause pain and injury not covered under common sense.

Shouldn’t that disclaimer be in smaller print?


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[Hawkeye]

Daaaang. Living dangerously. Didn't you just post something about an upcoming 10th anniversary? Are you trying to sabotage that?

 

[churchmouse]

Having met your spouse you are either....
1)....incredibly brave

2)....Incredibly stupid.....

 

[Tactically Fat]

Having met your spouse you are either....
1)....incredibly brave

2)....Incredibly stupid.....

If the shoe fits, I guess.

 

[churchmouse]

If the shoe fits, I guess.

 

[femurphy77]

First the fake diamond now this, why don't you just slather yourself in bbq sauce and walk into the lion enclosure at the zoo?

 

[Thor]

Having met your spouse you are either....
1)....incredibly brave

2)....Incredibly stupid.....

Those are not mutually exclusive.

 

[BiscuitsandGravy]

We do have the combo to his safe in case we need to execute a recovery mission, right?

Sorry TF, it was nice knowing you...

 

[Vigilant]

Honey, do these yoga pants make my ass look big? “Yoga pants? Those things are stretched so thin I thought they were panty hose?”

 

[Hawkeye]

Having met your spouse you are either....
1)....incredibly brave

2)....Incredibly stupid.....

Are the two mutually exclusive?

 

[Cameramonkey]

Honey, do these yoga pants make my ass look big? “Yoga pants? Those things are stretched so thin I thought they were panty hose?”

No, honey. Your butt makes your butt look big.

 

[femurphy77]

No honey, it IS big

 

[mmpsteve]

You may still be alive, but I wouldn't go to sleep again. Ever.