How do we as "good parents" bring our millennial children into the fold?

[BeDome]

I am a proud father of two mainly wonderful children who have kind of gone off our leading track. They are 19 and 17 yeas of age.

We (my wife and I - Although I can not convince my wife to carry a gun, she accepts my guns all over the place and my person) are gun totin' conservative, full fledged Second Amendment yelling, Red, White and Blue flag waving red blooded Americans, with a long history that we are very proud to tell every one about.

My kids have not even bothered to learn about our immediate family history (despite my trying), such as two uncles - one of my brothers, one an inlaw to me - plus a great uncle- -my uncle) who served in Viet Nam, a great uncle (My Uncle - a proud Marine and an amazing man in general) AND a grandfather (my father-in-law, long gone, now, but what a great guy!!) who fought in the Korean Conflict, another of my uncles who died as a police officer, undercover, fighting the drug war. My Grandfather was a "F-ing" doughboy in WWI, fighting his way through France .

There is a great deal more, but due to much of what they have been taught in our public schools, our family history of service has been changed in their minds as meaningless (or maybe worse), in some ways.
My grandfather's uncles (four wide, I have a family pic to prove it!) were all Texas Rangers trying to make safe the farm lands of the great plains across that land in the early days.

My kids could not possibly care less about this proud family history.
I am certain that we all have similar stories of family history, but this latest generation seems to be "embarrassed" in some ways or worse. do not even care.

How do we reach them? How do we make them as proud as we are of our heritage? Probably not ever going to happen, but any of you got any ideas.

Am I too late?

 

[MCgrease08]

I don't think you're too late. I think you're too early.

Kids at that age naturally pull away from family and traditions in an attempt to distance themselves and begin building their own identity.

Just be there for them and they will eventually come back around.

[video=youtube_share;weV2DvWtM0g]http://youtu.be/weV2DvWtM0g[/video]

 

[BeDome]

May be right. I am a late bloomer, sixty something with teens still in the house. I have discussed what you said with my wife. Maybe this is just a phase thing.

I do not intend to let up.

My son seems to enjoy his shooting training, as does my daughter, but she never has time anymore. He is 19, she is 17 and they both have jobs (super happy father smiley thing!!) and seem to be invested in their "beginner jobs," thankfully.

It is the mindset that worries me. SO many influences that I can not be a part of.

I am not trying to whine, just looking for good advice.
I am taking yours to heart, Thank you.

Maybe it is too early to worry.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I never really rebelled from my parents. But like McG said, I remember just not really caring about family stuff mom and dad would talk about. You know what I mean? I'd give them the teenager style listening treatment -- I'd "listen" while my mind was drifting to important stuff like what kind of wheels did I want for my car, impatient sighes, etc. What I wish now is that they'd have written that stuff down, labeled a bunch of those pictures, etc. I seems like once they're all gone is when you really take interest -- it was for me anyway.

 

[DRob]

Most 19 and 17 yr olds have never even heard of the Vietnam conflict let alone anything prior to it. Near as I can tell, history is not being taught in our public schools. Heck, most of the teachers are way too young to remember Vietnam. Some of them are too young to remember Desert Storm! I'm 72. Vietnam was my generation's war but I don't recall hearing much about Korea. Too young is probably right.

 

[1DOWN4UP]

You seem to know your family history very well.Have you ever tried to get the kids to help with the family geniology?My kids are a bit younger then yours but they still like the computer digging.I have found it helps to let them feel computer Superior....which they are.

 

[Sylvain]

I don't think you're too late. I think you're too early.

Kids at that age naturally pull away from family and traditions in an attempt to distance themselves and begin building their own identity.

Just be there for them and they will eventually come back around.

[video=youtube_share;weV2DvWtM0g]http://youtu.be/weV2DvWtM0g[/video]

This.

It's not a generation thing.Plenty of young kids are huge history buffs and a lot of them know far more about some historical things than folks who lived it.

Maybe they are at an age where they don't feel like asking you a lot of questions about your family history.Maybe they don't know yet how important it is, or will be, to them.

It doesn't mean they don't care about it or will never understand it.

I've talked to veterans, it's not always easy to ask them questions about what they have done and lived during a war.
You never know if them will even want to talk about it, if they want you to ask or not.
Even with family it might not be as easy.It might actually be even harder.

 

[Trigger Time]

I've always been interested in history in general and family history because I was exposed to a lot of that growing up from as far back as I can remember. It probably helped spark more interest as a child for me knowing I was related to a couple famous Americans that we knew of then and some other cool historical figures we would later learn about through the years. Knowing where and who you come from is so important to me and cool.
I've kept the same interest in things as to what I was exposed to as a kid for the most part too. My kids are exposed to my hobbies and interest in history and family ancestry too. My daughter has a big interest in it and I hope she keeps it and continues the tradition when she has her own household.
I think eventualy your kids will come around to it if they arent right now. Once piece of advice I could give is to write everything down for them so they have it one day when they come asking or when you are gone and they cant ask you anymore. Write down everything about your ancestry starting with the present working as far back as you know on both your mothers side and fathers side and then have your wife do the same for hers. This will help them greatly one day if they choose to pursue it.
If they dont take up an interest in it then that's ok too. I'm not into cars like my father was. I like them but I dont wanna work on them really or it's not what I know so maybe thats why it doesnt interest me. But I like learning about them and driving them.
In the end we are all our own unique people with our own interests. Some of the extra hobbies or collections I have some people arent into but there are large groups of people who are and there will always be different strokes for different folks. I think if your kids dont hate you and they want to be around you then that proabably says more about how you did as a parent than didnt.

 

[Trigger Time]

This.

It's not a generation thing.Plenty of young kids are huge history buffs and a lot of them know far more about some historical things than folks who lived it.

Maybe they are at an age where they don't feel like asking you a lot of questions about your family history.Maybe they don't know yet how important it is, or will be, to them.

It doesn't mean they don't care about it or will never understand it.

I've talked to veterans, it's not always easy to ask them questions about what they have done and lived during a war.
You never know if them will even want to talk about it, if they want you to ask or not.
Even with family it might not be as easy.It might actually be even harder.

Yep this is true. Many veterans do not want their kids or others in the family to see the side of them or actions of theirs that had to be taken in war. How do you explain to your young children who ask about visible scars on your body from war or when your kids are the ones that actualy ask about details like killing people ect? Just not something a parent thinks their child is going to even think about. Not pleasant and it's hard enough being a parent answering normal questions. Others aspects of service in the military are fond memories and great traits that formed that veteran into the man or woman they are now. Some veterans are able to talk about some of their experiences others not. Some situations or details may be too private to a vet and not ever shared. Others may feel its therapeutic to talk.
One thing I get tired of hearing people say is that the vets that have actualy been there and done that are the ones that dont talk about their experiences or service. To that I say, they are wrong and that couldnt be further from the truth. Just because someone they knew never shared an experience with them doesnt mean anything. You dont know how many years or how hard that veteran may have worked to get to the point where they are now able and want to share their story and it may help and be therapeutic for them. Now with social media and movies and such, one only has to look to find numerous accounts of real vets sharing their stories and some even making a living off of them (and some arent happy stories). Its their story and they earned the right to to whatever the hell they want to do with it, to tell or not tell as long as certain guidelines are followed, and when people make blanket statements like that it really does a disservice to some people who dont deserve criticisms just for feeling comfortable enough to relate their experiences. Sometimes it's to try and help others even. Sometimes it's just because they are an ass but they've got reasons for being an ass. Many veterans just hope that war isnt the one thing or the greatest thing in their lives that they are defined by but it is a huge part of their life. Moving forward is hard enough and especialy when people are telling you what you should or shouldn't be talking about or having to defend your service.
Sorry for rambling. Too many thoughts all at once that come out like a wet fart

 

[Magneto]

My wife and I adopted out daughter last year, and she turns 12 next month. Despite my efforts to teach her family history she is totally uninterested. I was hoping that she would want to learn about her new family but nope. I hope in time she comes around.

 

[HoughMade]

I would think that the first step is instilling the same values in our children that caused our ancestors to take risks and do great things. If they believe the same things and understand how unusual truly remarkable people are, it would seem easy. Of course, along with that is demonstrating the value that the family (along with faith in my case) are the center of everything meaningful in life. there is only one way to do that- model it. Meals together as often as possible (around 15 or 16 in a normal week at our house). Spare time spent on family stuff even if it means they have their friends over. Visiting their grandparents and talking about them with respect and honor often. Simple, but hard, things like that.

If they value the family, they will value the family.

 

[Sylvain]

Yep this is true. Many veterans do not want their kids or others in the family to see the side of them or actions of theirs that had to be taken in war. How do you explain to your young children who ask about visible scars on your body from war or when your kids are the ones that actualy ask about details like killing people ect? Just not something a parent thinks their child is going to even think about. Not pleasant and it's hard enough being a parent answering normal questions. Others aspects of service in the military are fond memories and great traits that formed that veteran into the man or woman they are now. Some veterans are able to talk about some of their experiences others not. Some situations or details may be too private to a vet and not ever shared. Others may feel its therapeutic to talk.
One thing I get tired of hearing people say is that the vets that have actualy been there and done that are the ones that dont talk about their experiences or service. To that I say, they are wrong and that couldnt be further from the truth. Just because someone they knew never shared an experience with them doesnt mean anything. You dont know how many years or how hard that veteran may have worked to get to the point where they are now able and want to share their story and it may help and be therapeutic for them. Now with social media and movies and such, one only has to look to find numerous accounts of real vets sharing their stories and some even making a living off of them (and some arent happy stories). Its their story and they earned the right to to whatever the hell they want to do with it, to tell or not tell as long as certain guidelines are followed, and when people make blanket statements like that it really does a disservice to some people who dont deserve criticisms just for feeling comfortable enough to relate their experiences. Sometimes it's to try and help others even. Sometimes it's just because they are an ass but they've got reasons for being an ass. Many veterans just hope that war isnt the one thing or the greatest thing in their lives that they are defined by but it is a huge part of their life. Moving forward is hard enough and especialy when people are telling you what you should or shouldn't be talking about or having to defend your service.
Sorry for rambling. Too many thoughts all at once that come out like a wet fart

Maybe it's why the OP, or any other vet, might want to instigate the conversation.

I don't see myself sitting with a vet (family member or friend) and saying "So tell me about that time where you killing people" or "Tell me about that time where you lost three friends during an ambush".

If they want to share stories I will be there to listen.If not we can just sit in silence or talk about other stuff.

Like TT said being a veteran is just one aspect of someone's life.The most important thing to a vet might be being a father or a husband, not having been in the military for a few (many years for some) years.
And talking about that non-military part of their life might be just as therapeutical as talking about their military past.

 

[Restroyer]

17 & 19 year olds are not considered Millennials. I have two 16 year old sons - they are called the "Selfie Generation" for now or until their generation gets a new moniker. I think you cannot force your kids to like what you like. I am fortunate because my sons are history and gun buffs. They seem to know every weapon and gun statistic form World War I to modern times. I never forced it on them I was just lucky they like what I enjoy too.

 

[BeDome]

17 & 19 year olds are not considered Millennials. I have two 16 year old sons - they are called the "Selfie Generation" for now or until their generation gets a new moniker. I think you cannot force your kids to like what you like. I am fortunate because my sons are history and gun buffs. They seem to know every weapon and gun statistic form World War I to modern times. I never forced it on them I was just lucky they like what I enjoy too.

Forcing upon them was never my plan and I have tried to NOT do so.

Never heard of the "Selfie Generation." My son, 19, born in 1999 btw, which I thought defined the millennial problem, is very much into military history and I think he has memorized that huge "Small Arms of the Twentieth Century" book I own and knows more than I do about some of it. My daughter, 17 s more of a musician and artist, but loves to shoot my handguns.

Honestly, all of you have given me much to cogitate upon, as my other grandfather used to say. Some is even comforting. Thinking that in this "new world," where most kids do not even have jobs at ten or twelve or so, helps a bit.

Thank you for your responses, I will respond a bit more as time allows.

 

[BeDome]

I never really rebelled from my parents. But like McG said, I remember just not really caring about family stuff mom and dad would talk about. You know what I mean? I'd give them the teenager style listening treatment -- I'd "listen" while my mind was drifting to important stuff like what kind of wheels did I want for my car, impatient sighes, etc. What I wish now is that they'd have written that stuff down, labeled a bunch of those pictures, etc. I seems like once they're all gone is when you really take interest -- it was for me anyway.

As you mentioned about writing stuff down, I was lucky that my own father wrote a 300 page book of his side of the family history. It was never even bound properly - all two inches thick of the thing is in page savers and a three ring binder, but I am glad to have it. It is very dry and documentary, but that work he did in his retiring last days is a truly treasured resource, loaded with pics and names of everyone. My mom helped, being in charge of old/ancient pics and identifying every soul captured in those old pics gleaned from family Bibles, old cigar and shoe boxes, even one old tractor toolbox salvaged and filled with literally ancient photos.

I worked for my dad in his shop beginning when I was 12 and until I was twenty things were great. So maybe we had more of a special relationship. I had started my own business with his help while still in high school. About 20 he began to tell me he was going to fires my A55 if I did not get out and make my way.
I actually had three snall businesses at twenty, one a true passion (audio engineering), one a spin off from what I learned from my father (part time polisher, metal plater and restorer of old car things, with a partner) and one was a hobby, mostly ( same partner, but, trading cars in the '70s was a bit exciting as I remember it).



I do not remember a time when I was a crossways teen with either of my parents, except for a few times we argued, harshly, but we got over it quickly, since we worked together around daybreak every day. Not really that unusual to work with a dad in those days.

I thank you for your comments.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

As you mentioned about writing stuff down, I was lucky that my own father wrote a 300 page book of his side of the family history. It was never even bound properly - all two inches thick of the thing is in page savers and a three ring binder, but I am glad to have it. It is very dry and documentary, but that work he did in his retiring last days is a truly treasured resource, loaded with pics and names of everyone. My mom helped, being in charge of old/ancient pics and identifying every soul captured in those old pics gleaned from family Bibles, old cigar and shoe boxes, even one old tractor toolbox salvaged and filled with literally ancient photos.

I worked for my dad in his shop beginning when I was 12 and until I was twenty things were great. So maybe we had more of a special relationship. I had started my own business with his help while still in high school. About 20 he began to tell me he was going to fires my A55 if I did not get out and make my way.
I actually had three snall businesses at twenty, one a true passion (audio engineering), one a spin off from what I learned from my father (part time polisher, metal plater and restorer of old car things, with a partner) and one was a hobby, mostly ( same partner, but, trading cars in the '70s was a bit exciting as I remember it).



I do not remember a time when I was a crossways teen with either of my parents, except for a few times we argued, harshly, but we got over it quickly, since we worked together around daybreak every day. Not really that unusual to work with a dad in those days.

I thank you for your comments.

You're a blessed man.

 

[1nderbeard]

I don't mean to start a debate here. The best thing you can do for your children is teach them about God and how our nation was founded on rights endowed by him, the creator, to all created individuals. Everything else (conservatism/liberty, service to others, honoring parental figures) will follow.

 

[Hatin Since 87]

I don't mean to start a debate here. The best thing you can do for your children is teach them about God and how our nation was founded on rights endowed by him, the creator, to all created individuals. Everything else (conservatism/liberty, service to others, honoring parental figures) will follow.

I agree. The 10 commandments seem to be a pretty good guideline to start with. Don’t kill steal lie respect your neighbor and so on. If they do those basic rules the rest will fall in place as they mature.

And about the family history stuff. That’ll happen as they grow and have their own children. I didn’t care until I was around 24. Now every chance I get I try to talk to my parents and grandparents about our history. My grandma has a box of stuff she has given me with all the years of history she’s done on us. Pretty cool.

 

[BeDome]

Most 19 and 17 yr olds have never even heard of the Vietnam conflict let alone anything prior to it. Near as I can tell, history is not being taught in our public schools. Heck, most of the teachers are way too young to remember Vietnam. Some of them are too young to remember Desert Storm! I'm 72. Vietnam was my generation's war but I don't recall hearing much about Korea. Too young is probably right.

My daughter is doing summer courses to allow her to have a study hall - off period during the next school year which starts in about two weeks. She is telling me about what she is being taught at my prompting, while she is trying on her new boots from Amazon ...
Apparently the "Reconstruction" (she had never heard the word in her class - but, she is not a dummy. Terms in particular intrigue her. Had anyone mentioned Reconstruction she would have remembered the term, if not is meaning) was all about recovering all the gold the south had stolen from the North during the southern raids of the Civil War. The war was fought to free slaves, nothing more.

I agree with you. Actual "History" is very rarely taught to any of our younglings.

Sir, I am quite younger at 62, and my chance to serve was met with the ending of the Draft and scaling down our military - I was an athlete a year before in school, but not good enough to serve in our Army - due to back issues (REALLY!??!!?) but if you ask one of these millennials we are both too old to know what was or is going on.

Now, I just seem crotchety, but there it is.

 

[BeDome]

I don't mean to start a debate here. The best thing you can do for your children is teach them about God and how our nation was founded on rights endowed by him, the creator, to all created individuals. Everything else (conservatism/liberty, service to others, honoring parental figures) will follow.

I applaud you. I was raised with the Ten Commandments and The Golden Rule as the way to live ones life.

We did so as well with our kids.
I thank you for your input!

Honestly, it seems difficult to keep a modern (or maybe ANY!) child within the herd or pack.

I hear a lot of "just wait. If you did things right, they will come back."
Faith is the most difficult challenge.