Dad musings

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  • Mgderf

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    Inspired by off-topic discussion on another thread, this is about things my/your dad/uncle/grandpa... used to say.

    My dad was a cut-up, but quietly.
    He would utter small musings at people just to watch their reactions. Dad was a people watcher, and I am too.


    To start things off, the saying that got this thread started,

    "You just don't understand all you know about the situation"
    This usually left people stumbling for a response.

    Anytime someone would do him a small favor, like holding open a door, or even handing him a menu at a restaurant he would say,
    "Your overwhelming generosity is exceeded only by your extremely good looks"

    Speaking of restaurants, when the server asked, "Will this be separate checks, or all on one?", dad would say,
    "It really doesn't matter. We're going to run out on the bill anyway"

    When asked how he was doing he replied,
    "I feel more like I do now than I did before"

    And the list goes on, and on, and...

    So, what little quips do you recall from your past?
     

    dsol

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    My dad has been gone for a while, but I always annoy my kids with things like:

    something unpleasant to do always gets a - It will be good for you, builds character...
    A monkey in the wrench
    Think of how stupid the average person is... then remember that half of them are dumber...
     

    spencer rifle

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    My great grandpa was at a wedding where they served champagne. Apparently he had not had it before. He called the host over to tell him "That's damn good beer!" The host told the steward "Give him beer."

    Dad's musings were frequently in Hungarian, and not for polite company.
    It was my mom with all the musings:
    "If you are true to your teeth, your teeth won't be false to you."
    All our potential mates had to memorize the "Out, out brief candle.." solilique from Shakespeare.
    I'm sure more will occur to me after I post this.
     
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    Nazgul

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    Near the big river.
    "Arise to the occasion!" - Originally from Hans Nelson captain of the lake steamer my dad worked on as a teenager. Capt was called "Ham", extremely large man. Was dangling my dad by the legs over the side for being a knot head.

    Don
     

    bacon#1

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    Who yanked your chain? This meant mind your own business.

    Grab it and growl. When lifting something heavy.

    We are off like a heard of turtles. Pretty self explanatory.

    What part of no dont you not understand. When questioning his decision.

    Do I need to take my belt off? You've messed up at this point.

    By running you're only making it worse. You've really messed up now.

    Son, always, always keep a spare pair of pants in your vehicle. He always said we were built using cheap plumbing.

    I don't know who the hell you think you're talking to. You should probably walk away.

    What'd I tell ya! He would warn us but not stop us. Example: don't touch that muffler, it's hot. We all touched it.

    Just sneak up on it. This was his measure twice cut once.

    You're gonna regret that. I almost think he enjoyed watching us do something stupid.

    Just some off the top of my head he said.
     

    BehindBlueI's

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    We actually did this several years ago here: https://www.indianagunowners.com/forums/break-room/284782-mens-rules-life-your-dad.html

    I'll repost my answer from there:

    1) If you are drunk and see headlights, slow down and put the passenger wheels in the ditch until they pass. Watch for mailboxes. Know where the culverts are on your route home from town.

    2) Never take Eddie to town, especially if he's talking about strippers.

    3) Eddie isn't allowed in Jeffersonville after the urinating under the stop light incident. Seriously, don't take Eddie to town.

    4) Advice about love? Son, I've been married three times. Who am I to give you advise?

    5) Have at least one friend with a log splitter.

    6) Remember who visited when you were sick. They're your real friends. You'll have a ton of acquaintances in life, but you'll probably be able to count your real friends on one hand.

    7) I'd have taken better care of myself if I knew I was going to live this long. Plan accordingly.

    8) If the man running the till is honest, its tough to lose money selling vice.

    9) No matter how hot it is, always wear long sleeves to cut tobacco or pitch hay. Shirt sleeves are ok for cutting corn.

    10) You'll till a bigger garden than you're willing to weed.

    11) The chances of you using geometry in the real world are about zero if you aren't an architect or a pool player.

    12) Batters and weathermen have it made. If they get it right one time in three, folks forget about the two they got wrong.

    13) Just go bald. Nobody's ever been fooled by a combover.

    14) If you find pants that fit right, buy a couple of pairs more than you think you'll need.

    15) If there's something you've "always wanted to do", do it as soon as you can. None of us knows when are "always" is going to be over.

    16) You owe the boss one honest day's work. He owes you one honest day's pay. Tomorrow you start over. Leave on good terms if you can, but remember he's not going to give you any notice if he's going to fire you.

    17) Check your beer levels on Saturday unless you want to drive to Louisville on Sunday. If you do go, go early, and don't take Eddie.


    And for the inevitable, who's Eddie:
    A family friend, his dad and my granddad were friends and dad and Eddie had known each other since they were big enough to walk. He'd visit you when you were sick and he had a log splitter.

    He died of cancer (in 2012), though, and the world's a little dimmer for the loss.​
     

    phylodog

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    My Dad walked around for years with the lighter out of a car in his pocket and would hand it to people when they asked if he had a light. It's was pretty entertaining to see how long it would take them to figure out what had happened.
     

    gregkl

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    "There is no bad weather, only stupid people." Dad didn't water anything down. I say; "There is no bad weather, only poor clothing choices." He wouldn't have minded.:)
     

    1911ly

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    It takes a bigger man to walk away from a woman then it does to hit one (he got that one from his dad).
     

    Mgderf

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    If one of us kids got bored and asked for something to do, the pat answer was,
    "Go stand on your head, in 10 feet of water, and stack greasy bb's with a toothpick."

    There was also a poem, and I just Googled it. I was a little surprised to find it, in several different variations.

    Dad said, "Ladies and gentlemen, hobo's and tramps, cross-eyed mosquito's and bow-legged ants, I've come before you to stand behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about.
    Free admission, pay at the door, pull up a chair and sit on the floor..."
    And it went on, and on...
     
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