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  • Mark-DuCo

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    Aug 1, 2012
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    Ferdinand
    A little background, my ex wife is 27 with 3 kids from 3 different dads, I was lucky number 2 before she had an affair. She has been divorced again since me. My son who is 5 splits time evenly with me and her. He is attending school near her until our court date on April 1st, when the court will decide on the primary parent because we never established one after our divorce.

    So I just got back to my office from my son's Dr. appointment, and hes been prescribed Ritalin. I'm not happy about it, but he definitely eased my thoughts a bit. My son does great with me but has been having trouble in school, not wanting to sit still and disturbing other students.

    I think the problems are coming from his mother. She has a house by his school, but is dating a guy that live almost 2 hours from there, and I recently found out that she is staying with him on some school nights. So my son never knows where he is going to be staying. Also, her boyfriend has 2 kids and just the small amount of time I have seen them I know that they are out of control.

    I'm trying to bite my tongue until court because I honestly think I have a good shot at winning. I guess other than just ranting and getting stuff off my chest, I was wondering if anyone else on here has dealt with a kid like mine that has been put on Ritalin. I'm not a fan of drugs that mess with the brain, but I do want what is best for my son.
     
    Last edited:

    chezuki

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    Mar 18, 2009
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    Ritalin.

    It can be very effective if the person actually has ADHD. I was prescribed it briefly in elementary school and it made me hyper as hell, because I did not have ADHD. At the time ADHD was kind of a knee jerk diagnosis for anyone whose grades did not appear to match their potential. I was just bored.... Ritalin added energy to my boredom, which resulted in me getting in more trouble. I’ve seen kids laser focus on it though and really improve academically.
     
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    Vigilant

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    Jul 12, 2008
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    I get a second opinion, too often schools like to treat kids with drugs who don’t need them. Way back when, I was “diagnosed” as Hyperactive blah blah blah, by the school physician, turns out, I was a couple of grade levels ahead of my peers, and I was just bored! Extra assignments at a different level, and viola, no drugs needed.
     

    MarkC

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    Yes, our origanl agreement was to split everything evenly which was fine until it came time to pick a school.

    Having been there, done that, I feel for you. It is terrible for a parent to see those things happening to their kids and being relatively unable to do anything about it, unless you have a lot of money, time, persistence, a good lawyer, and a judge who doesn't prescribe to the theory that the mother is best for the children.

    Everything is okay, until they're not.
     

    indygunguy

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    Dec 12, 2010
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    NE Side of Indy
    I definitely hear what you are saying about not being a fan of drugs that mess with the brain, so hopefully this will make you feel a little better:

    My brother started life as very learning disabled, and in addition got diagnosed as ADD in elementary school. He was prescribed Adderall (similar-ish to Ritalin, I think). The Adderall gave him some ability to sit still and concentrate. Between that and some excellent and patient public school teachers he got up to speed in reading and math, graduated high school, got a marketing degree from Butler, and went on to get and MBA as well. He does not take the Adderall at all anymore, and I think he started weening himself off it college.

    So hopefully that eases your mind a little. Those drugs often work exactly as they are supposed to, and can be a huge help.

    :ingo:
     

    Mark-DuCo

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    Ferdinand
    Having been there, done that, I feel for you. It is terrible for a parent to see those things happening to their kids and being relatively unable to do anything about it, unless you have a lot of money, time, persistence, a good lawyer, and a judge who doesn't prescribe to the theory that the mother is best for the children.

    Everything is okay, until they're not.

    PLenty of money, time, great lawyer and judge. Also should help that she was never the primary parent so its not like were switching, we are just asking the judge to decide who is better now, and she has made lots of mistakes.
     

    Mark-DuCo

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    Aug 1, 2012
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    Ferdinand
    I definitely hear what you are saying about not being a fan of drugs that mess with the brain, so hopefully this will make you feel a little better:

    My brother started life as very learning disabled, and in addition got diagnosed as ADD in elementary school. He was prescribed Adderall (similar-ish to Ritalin, I think). The Adderall gave him some ability to sit still and concentrate. Between that and some excellent and patient public school teachers he got up to speed in reading and math, graduated high school, got a marketing degree from Butler, and went on to get and MBA as well. He does not take the Adderall at all anymore, and I think he started weening himself off it college.

    So hopefully that eases your mind a little. Those drugs often work exactly as they are supposed to, and can be a huge help.

    :ingo:

    It definitely does, my son is actually doing great in school learning wise and is one of the top in his class. Just hate sitting still and bothers other students. Probably doesn't help that he is the youngest by far in his class, like he made the cutoff by a few days, and he is being raised by me who is never indoors unless its raining.
     

    MarkC

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    Mar 6, 2016
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    PLenty of money, time, great lawyer and judge. Also should help that she was never the primary parent so its not like were switching, we are just asking the judge to decide who is better now, and she has made lots of mistakes.

    Great, I hope this turns out for the better for you, and, especially, your son.
     

    rvb

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    4   0   0
    Jan 14, 2009
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    IN (a refugee from MD)
    My boy is on some medications for ADHD. He was very premature, and they statistically are much more likely to have such issues.

    There are doctors and psychologists that specialize in this stuff. See a couple and get their opinions. Talk to his teachers and understand his behavior. I don't remember all the details off hand, but the state has programs to aid in evaluations, as well as ways to ensure the schools work with his special needs.

    Being disruptive in itself is not necessarily ADHD. Home life and personality can lead to disruptive behavior. Some questions to ask his teacher(s)...
    - how well does he interpret his interactions with other students (ie think he's being picked on when he's not, or not realize if he is being picked on)?
    - how easily does he make decisions? Our son STRUGGLES to make a decision. Even things like what book to read at night or what kind of ice cream to get would result in crying and screaming.
    - does he pay attention better with something to fidget with (piece of string, paperclip, etc)
    - does he get focused on one task and it's hard to make him switch gears?

    You can google adhd for other common behaviors (not every child will have every "symptom")

    When you discuss this with the teacher's, document their response and provide those to his doctors (ours were great and wrote up behaviors they saw so we could provide that to the Drs).

    We decided to medicate and did not take that decision lightly. Our goal has always been to help him focus and learn, not behavior control. Don't let the medicine, as my wife and I describe it, "turn him into a zombie." There are dozens, if not hundreds of different medications. Getting the RIGHT one and at the right dose can take some time and experimentation. And as he grows, look for changes in mood and behavior as their reaction to medications can change.

    Take detailed notes.... which medicine and what doses causes different behaviors or reactions. Doctors are sometimes resistant to changing from medications they are familiar with. We went through a dozen different medicines in the first year or so. Be willing to branch out from your pediatrician as this likely isn't their expertise.

    Give the kid weekends and summers, etc off from the medicine, if possible, and if that's what the kid prefers (some medicines need longer to be in the system and short on/off periods won't work). Do ask the kid how the medicine makes him feel, both physically and emotionally. Some medicines made our son just act always depressed, it was very sad to see and we were quick to get him off of it and try something new. Some kids WANT to be on the medicine as they see the benefit. If they really resist taking it, there might be a reason, even if they can't express it, that it is not a good medicine for them.

    Continue to be in contact with his teachers. Let them know when you are trying different medication or doses so they can provide feedback on both academic performance as well mood, interactions with friends, etc.

    Finally, If you go down this path, don't let those who say medicating is just lazy parenting or a short cut to discipline get to you. Doing all those steps above is a lot of effort and no short cut (unless your goal really is to turn him into a "zombie"). Of course you need to do the ground work to be sure that medication IS the right path (multiple opinions of specialists, etc) and that you aren't just helping the teacher by doping your kid...

    I just this week had to take a couple hours off work to go meet with my son's teachers, occupational therapists, etc to see how things were going, whether considerations he is receiving are appropriate, etc. Be prepared for a big rollercoaster.

    -rvb
     
    Last edited:

    Mark-DuCo

    Master
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Aug 1, 2012
    2,265
    113
    Ferdinand
    My boy is on some medications for ADHD. He was very premature, and they statistically are much more likely to have such issues.

    There are doctors and psychologists that specialize in this stuff. See a couple and get their opinions. Talk to his teachers and understand his behavior. I don't remember all the details off hand, but the state has programs to aid in evaluations, as well as ways to ensure the schools work with his special needs.

    Being disruptive in itself is not necessarily ADHD. Home life and personality can lead to disruptive behavior. Some questions to ask his teacher(s)...
    - how well does he interpret his interactions with other students (ie think he's being picked on when he's not, or not realize if he is being picked on)?
    - how easily does he make decisions? Our son STRUGGLES to make a decision. Even things like what book to read at night or what kind of ice cream to get would result in crying and screaming.
    - does he pay attention better with something to fidget with (piece of string, paperclip, etc)
    - does he get focused on one task and it's hard to make him switch gears?

    You can google adhd for other common behaviors (not every child will have every "symptom")

    When you discuss this with the teacher's, document their response and provide those to his doctors (ours were great and wrote up behaviors they saw so we could provide that to the Drs).

    We decided to medicate and did not take that decision lightly. Our goal has always been to help him focus and learn, not behavior control. Don't let the medicine, as my wife and I describe it, "turn him into a zombie." There are dozens, if not hundreds of different medications. Getting the RIGHT one and at the right dose can take some time and experimentation. And as he grows, look for changes in mood and behavior as their reaction to medications can change.

    Take detailed notes.... which medicine and what doses causes different behaviors or reactions. Doctors are sometimes resistant to changing from medications they are familiar with. We went through a dozen different medicines in the first year or so. Be willing to branch out from your pediatrician as this likely isn't their expertise.

    Give the kid weekends and summers, etc off from the medicine, if possible, and if that's what the kid prefers (some medicines need longer to be in the system and short on/off periods won't work). Do ask the kid how the medicine makes him feel, both physically and emotionally. Some medicines made our son just act always depressed, it was very sad to see and we were quick to get him off of it and try something new. Some kids WANT to be on the medicine as they see the benefit. If they really resist taking it, there might be a reason, even if they can't express it, that it is not a good medicine for them.

    Continue to be in contact with his teachers. Let them know when you are trying different medication or doses so they can provide feedback on both academic performance as well mood, interactions with friends, etc.

    Finally, If you go down this path, don't let those who say medicating is just lazy parenting or a short cut to discipline get to you. Doing all those steps above is a lot of effort and no short cut (unless your goal really is to turn him into a "zombie"). Of course you need to do the ground work to be sure that medication IS the right path (multiple opinions of specialists, etc) and that you aren't just helping the teacher by doping your kid...

    I just this week had to take a couple hours off work to go meet with my son's teachers, occupational therapists, etc to see how things were going, whether considerations he is receiving are appropriate, etc. Be prepared for a big rollercoaster.

    -rvb

    Thank you for this response, I tried to rep you but apparently I need to spread it around more.
     
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