Do you have a Death Book? Or you're going to die, plan for it!

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  • singlesix

    Grandmaster
    Industry Partner
    Rating - 100%
    1   0   0
    May 13, 2008
    7,197
    27
    Indianapolis, In
    So, bit of a RANT. My wife and her sister are going thru hell because their bother doesn't have a Healthcare Directive, Will, Power of Attorney, etc, etc. No plans for his small business. He is now on life support and really no hope of having a meaningful life if he comes out of it. He'll need 24x7 care. Even if my wife could he's out of state. So that's not possible. His sisters are going through hell because they don't know what his wishes are when it comes to extreme measures for life support. His employees are freaking out because nobody knows what will happen to his business.

    The wife and I have everything in our Death Book. All our wishes for funeral arrangements, healthcare directives, etc are in it. Copies to our daughter. All I can feel right now is how selfish he was, and yeah his not my BIL, he always referred to me as his sister husband, no big lost their.

    /RANT
     

    KittySlayer

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Jan 29, 2013
    6,473
    77
    Northeast IN

    MCgrease08

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    37   0   0
    Mar 14, 2013
    14,374
    149
    Earth
    I prefer to call mine a Legacy Box instead of a Death Book, but same concept. I've got one started with most of the important stuff like will, financial and medical POAs, insurance policies, kid's birth certificates, etc.

    I still remember when my now ex-father-in-law remarked that he didn't want to have a will because he didn't want his five kids fighting over his stuff. :rolleyes:

    This is the same guy who won't talk to his sister because they have been fighting over their dead mother's house for the past 21 years. They've never even cleaned it out. It's been sitting with all her stuff in it the entire time. The house is literally falling apart while they bicker over it.
     

    04FXSTS

    Master
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Dec 31, 2010
    1,789
    129
    Eugene
    Wife and I just went through all this and now have all planned out and our funerals paid for. Now we have to get our two kids together and tell them what their duties will be and our wishes on when to end things. It is all laid out just want to reinforce our decision for the kids.
    A relative of my wife's was in that type of a mess with no paper trail and her kids for reasons known only to them would not "pull the plug." The poor woman laid in a bed for a couple years with no hope of ever getting better and unable to communicate with anyone. I always told my kids if they let me live like that I would return and haunt them, now they will have things in writing. Jim.
     

    KittySlayer

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Jan 29, 2013
    6,473
    77
    Northeast IN
    How property and bank accounts are titled can make post death issues easier for those left behind that are already grieving over the loss of someone they love. In addition, careful beneficiary designations in retirement plans helps.

    Six months after my father’s death I am still chasing some loose ends, but for the most part he had things well in place to accomplish his goals after his death.
     

    Mr Evilwrench

    Quantum Mechanic
    Emeritus
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Aug 18, 2011
    11,560
    63
    Carmel
    My mom and dad had everything set up, so there were no questions going in. I have a book called "I'm Dead. Now What?" where I can put the little bits and pieces. My mom has hers locked down. Then there are the accountant and lawyer. I'll inherit all of them, too. I'll be all set up.
     

    churchmouse

    I still care....Really
    Emeritus
    Rating - 100%
    187   0   0
    Dec 7, 2011
    191,809
    152
    Speedway area
    I sat down and made a video. Yes its a VCR so with reading this I need to update it and het it put on one of those little round flat plastic things.....:):

    I have been writing things down but it will just be my daughter handling everything. She knows of our wishes pretty clearly but having it all documented helps.

    Now where did I stash that VCR camera.
     

    Tactically Fat

    Grandmaster
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    22   0   0
    Oct 8, 2014
    8,270
    113
    Indiana
    My mother-in-law died suddenly 5-6 years ago. There was NOTHING prepared / planned. She'd told her kids that there was a will, but we couldn't find it. And even contacting every lawyer in county and in every surrounding county - no one had her as a client. The only will we found was several years older and included her ex husband. Only he wasn't the "ex" when that will was written. It. Was. A. Mess. Incredible stress upon her 4 children (and spouses).

    My father-in-law died 2-3 years ago after a quick and marked decline in health. He also had NOTHING prepared / planned. He was probably technically indigent, but still lived on his own in a hovel with his 2 large dogs. That situation wasn't as bad as my wife's mom, but still bad. Of those 3 kids, only my wife was the responsible one. 1 lives in Sydney, Australia, the other was too young + also out of state. There wasn't even enough there to do a small-estate affidavit (total assets under $50k).

    Contrast that with my own father - due to no fewer than 2 chronic / debilitating conditions, he knew his quality of life was headed downward for 10 years or so. He was always prepared and lined out anyhow, but, he made SURE that he had things lined out and prepared well ahead of even his decision to stop dialysis and enter in-home hospice.

    Get Your Ish In Order, if for no other reason, than to make it easier on your children.
     

    NKBJ

    at the ark
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Apr 21, 2010
    6,240
    149
    Yeah, we're set. Meanwhile I'm enjoying giving stuff to youngsters (you know, kids, like 45 and below) and the burden will be lighter on my executor when the time comes.

    Make note of reminder: Send Jake the English cast iron coffee grinder he pulled off the wall in south Texas in '87.:laugh:
     

    spencer rifle

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    66   0   0
    Apr 15, 2011
    6,544
    149
    Scrounging brass
    We have even pre-paid for our funeral, and it also covers any minor children. Wills, POA, health care directives, all in the safe. Accounts are JTWROS. All accounts, insurance policies, passwords, etc. are spelled out, along with people I trust who can help my heirs sell the watches and firearms.

    When my dad died suddenly at 2 AM, my mom's sister had just gone through that recently, and knew exactly what to do. We headed for the bank right when they opened and pulled out as much money as they would let us. Probate held up everything for 6 months, but my mom had enough to live on in the meantime.

    We have a trust set up, but haven't transferred anything into it yet. Will help our estate avoid a lot of probate hassles.
     
    Last edited:

    worddoer

    Master
    Rating - 100%
    42   0   1
    Jul 25, 2011
    1,664
    99
    Wells County
    To plan for our inevitable demise is to love for your family who is still here.

    Both my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law passed away last year. On top of that, my wife almost passed away during a botched gall bladder surgery and is still dealing with the consequences.

    My sister-in-law had cancer for the past 5 years and knew what was coming. But when she passed away, she had no will or documents of any type. In her last 6 months we were nagging her to get it done. Especially with regards to our nephew who we had been raising for most of his life because of her excessive cancer treatments. But she refused to face her own demise.

    Once she passed, her baby daddy who beat her and who she left 6 months prior to passing, took all her possessions and ran off with our nephew. We had to sue the baby daddy in family court to get visitation with our nephew.

    This whole thing has been a NIGHTMARE!!! Don't do this to your family and loved ones. None of us will live forever. Making a plan and getting it officially documented will save your family and friends a mountain of grief on top of the grief they already have at your passing. IMHO, to ignore this is only selfishness.
     

    bwframe

    Loneranger
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    93   0   0
    Feb 11, 2008
    38,170
    113
    Btown Rural
    My mom had everything set up with her attorney. None of us kids knew the attorney prior to death. We weren't real happy with the fees and the overall legal handing of the estate. There was not much to be done about this after the fact. The firm was quick to remind us (often) that they worked for our dead mother, not her kids. :n00b:
     

    MCgrease08

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    37   0   0
    Mar 14, 2013
    14,374
    149
    Earth
    One comment on prepaid funerals: this might make sense for elderly folks with very little money, but is probably not a wise move for the average person. Having a funeral plan is good, but investing the money will be much better for your heirs.

    A 40 year-old who prepays $10,000 is missing out on a potential return of more than $70,000 had they invested that money and gained a modest 8% return over 30 years.

    You should have an emergency fund that your family can use to cover funeral costs after you die. Tying up money for decades with a funeral home that may not even be around when you pass is not an ideal situation.
     

    snorko

    Grandmaster
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    361   0   0
    Apr 3, 2008
    8,294
    113
    Evansville, IN
    I am incredibly irresponsible in this area. Being single with no kids has made it easy to neglect. However, my estate is/will be a little complicated with part ownership of a business, personal property of a (ahem) go bang nature, etc.
     

    bwframe

    Loneranger
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    93   0   0
    Feb 11, 2008
    38,170
    113
    Btown Rural
    The funeral business is a huge racket.

    I sat with funeral directors for both of my parents. These folks are vultures.
     

    spencer rifle

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    66   0   0
    Apr 15, 2011
    6,544
    149
    Scrounging brass
    One comment on prepaid funerals: this might make sense for elderly folks with very little money, but is probably not a wise move for the average person. Having a funeral plan is good, but investing the money will be much better for your heirs.

    A 40 year-old who prepays $10,000 is missing out on a potential return of more than $70,000 had they invested that money and gained a modest 8% return over 30 years.

    You should have an emergency fund that your family can use to cover funeral costs after you die. Tying up money for decades with a funeral home that may not even be around when you pass is not an ideal situation.

    Depends. We are barely 60 and paid less than $3000 for both of us. Simple cremation, simple everything, peace of mind for the heirs. Our emergency fund has over $60K in it already, but that's for, you know, emergencies. Mostly for SWMBO's benefit along with pension, life insurance and IRAs, since my side of the family is not particularly long-lived, and hers is. If it was up to me I'd get several full auto fun toys with it. Quality of life issues.
     

    DoggyDaddy

    Grandmaster
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    73   0   1
    Aug 18, 2011
    102,058
    77
    Southside Indy
    I really need to do this too. For those that have, how much detail is required? I assume account numbers for bank accounts, 401K's and the like are necessary (although I have DoggyMama as the beneficiary to both my 401K's as of now), but what about other physical property, like guns, and whatnot? Do you need to itemize every single possession, or is it enough to say "all of this stuff goes to _______"?
     

    dsol

    Master
    Rating - 100%
    15   0   0
    May 28, 2009
    1,554
    48
    Jeffersonville
    I am incredibly irresponsible in this area. Being single with no kids has made it easy to neglect. However, my estate is/will be a little complicated with part ownership of a business, personal property of a (ahem) go bang nature, etc.

    Me too... but I'm going to live forever, so I don't worry about it too much :)

    At least that's probably what my kids are afraid of...
     
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