Adopted people. How's that working out for you?

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  • Sigblaster

    Soon...
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    My wife and I are both discarded humans who had the good fortune to be adopted into great families.

    My wife knew she was adopted from early on, but I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 29 years old, and I found out purely by accident. I think our age difference made a difference in the way people thought it should be handled.

    Meh, I didn't care.

    We did the DNA thing. She found relatives, I did not.
     

    Cameramonkey

    www.thechosen.tv
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    My wife and I are both discarded humans who had the good fortune to be adopted into great families.

    My wife knew she was adopted from early on, but I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 29 years old, and I found out purely by accident. I think our age difference made a difference in the way people thought it should be handled.

    Meh, I didn't care.

    We did the DNA thing. She found relatives, I did not.

    So you're an alien then? I had no idea the avitar was a self portrait. Explains a lot.

    (this is my snarky version of the popcorn emoji)
     

    Sigblaster

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    I wouldn't discount the possibilty that I'm not from this Earth, or even the timeline on this Earth.

    But my avatar is Power Armor. Just armor on a human body. It doesn't exist now, but when it does... well, you better get you some. ;)
     

    BT802

    Plinker
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    Dec 2, 2008
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    Curious why your adopted parents chose to keep it a secret? And how you accidentally found out? If you'd rather not share thats fine.
     
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    Ballstater98

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    My wife cann't have kids. We went the invetero route with a surrogate, and it didn't pan out. We tried. He's 4 and there is a thread that he is a blessing. Adoption was one of our only options and our son is perfect for us on multiple parallels.
    I've had multiple friends and family care and watch out for me. They are all my family. My son enjoys this extended family as well. This is his fortune.
     

    Sigblaster

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    Joking aside, my wife has made some incredible connections. Life long type stuff. Really great family connections.

    Me? I did it to find my ethnic composition. I haven't found any close close genetic relationships

    Other than that, I don't care.
     

    Sigblaster

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    Curious why your adopted parents chose to keep it a secret? And now you accidentally found out? If you'd rather not share thats fine.

    There were two theories on this, probably from arseholes who considered themselves experts. Tell them early on, when they are old enough to understand, or never tell them.

    EDIT: I want to expand on this. I probably should have made it clearer at the outset. I was born in 1964, and the prevailing thought (from self-proclaimed "experts") back then was that adoptees should never be told. My wife was born in 1972, and by then the "experts" had decided that kids should be told as soon as they're old enough to understand. So, I grew up not knowing, and my wife grew up knowing from a very young age.

    Here's how I found out. My mom came to visit me when I was stationed in Texas. She was there for a couple weeks. My aunt sent her a letter while she was visiting, but it didn't arrive until a couple days after she'd left. Well, I went and got the mail one day, and as I lived alone, I didn't typically get mail for anyone else, so I opened the letter and read it without noticing who it was addressed to. Oops! My aunt mentioned me being adopted in the letter, and that was that.
     
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    IndyIN

    Sharpshooter
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    Nov 8, 2010
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    My wife is adopted and was raised by two wonderful people. She knew at a young age and never really had an urge to find her biological family until her 40s. We were able to petition the court, and using a court-appointed intermediary, discovered her birth mother.

    Long story short, her biological mother was young and not married. We’ve made a great connection with her and my wife’s other birth relatives. Adopted parents will always be Mom and Dad.
     

    churchmouse

    I still care....Really
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    Dec 7, 2011
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    Well......in some ways I am glad I was adopted by my stepdad and in many many many more ways I would have passed given the option.

    So for me.......Meh. It has been a somewhat painful path.
     

    patience0830

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    I’m a foster dad. I’m white. My wife is a foster mom. She is white. Our foster son is Mexican/Black. I think he will understand.

    He'll understand that 2 people chose to love him and care for him.

    My only thought is that care must be taken to not let him hear that adoption was a choice of last resort so he doesn't think he was an afterthought. A last resort, as it were. But I'll bet you're doin a bang up job and I pray he's a source of joy for you both.
     

    Sigblaster

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    Well......in some ways I am glad I was adopted by my stepdad and in many many many more ways I would have passed given the option.

    So for me.......Meh. It has been a somewhat painful path.

    You can look at it this way. That piece of paper that says he adopted you doesn't tie you to him any more than my DNA ties me to my biological parents. We are who we choose to be regardless of who we're connected to, or how we're connected.

    I didn't adopt my stepdaughter (and I only ever use that term when it's necessary for clarification, like now), and I'm the only father she has ever known, and I consider her my daughter just the same as all the rest. And she considers me to be her father, regardless of DNA. I'm her dad, and she's my daughter, and it's just that simple. It's a bond forged out of love and caring, and genes or a piece of paper wouldn't make it any stronger.
     

    lovemachine

    Grandmaster
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    Dec 14, 2009
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    My wife and I went the adoption route. Has truly been a blessing. He’ll be 4 in December. We plan on telling him everything when he’s old enough to understand.
     

    Sigblaster

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    I’m a foster dad. I’m white. My wife is a foster mom. She is white. Our foster son is Mexican/Black. I think he will understand.

    My second daughter is half black. We didn't hide anything from her (my wife and I got together when she was 2), but we didn't tell her outright from a young age. We knew that at some point she'd start asking questions, and we'd lay it all out for her at that point. When she started to figure it out, we explained it to her, and it really didn't make any difference. She took it kinda the way I took it when I found out I was adopted. Like, "oh, that's interesting, but it really doesn't change anything". It wasn't a big deal.
     

    BT802

    Plinker
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    Dec 2, 2008
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    Thanks for answering. I was just curious. I have a couple friends who were adopted, people definitely see it different ways. One wants to connect, the other has no desire at all.
     

    Hookeye

    Grandmaster
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    Dec 19, 2011
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    armpit of the midwest
    Got 3 buds that were adopted (different families- non related)...........and they are fine.
    None of them gives a crap about their birth parents, as far as they're concerned the ones that raised them are their parents.

    Know a couple of other people that were adopted and they used it as an excuse to be jerks and losers. And that kind of drama affected their spouses/kids.

    Adoption may be better than stepkids............no interference.

    I'm not sure having kids of ones own to be a smart decision. Its always a roll of the dice.

    Is cool to see folks thankful for the kindness of others.

    Adoption can be a blessing, but it can also be a nightmare.............seen that too.

    Did the Brady Bunch deal kinda sorta, lot of time, money and effort...........for people that didn't give a flip.
    Poor decision all around.

    Proly best to get ones nuts clipped at 16, never marry or have kids.
     

    Gabriel

    Grandmaster
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    9   0   0
    Jun 3, 2010
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    The shore of wonderful Lake Michigan
    My wife and I are both discarded humans who had the good fortune to be adopted into great families.

    My wife knew she was adopted from early on, but I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 29 years old, and I found out purely by accident. I think our age difference made a difference in the way people thought it should be handled.

    Meh, I didn't care.

    We did the DNA thing. She found relatives, I did not.

    I've known since I was little. Never cared. Never looked for blood relatives as I'm just not interested.
     

    Hookeye

    Grandmaster
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    4   0   0
    Dec 19, 2011
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    armpit of the midwest
    We don't get to pick our parents and once we are here, we have to make something of ourselves.
    Be decent, be self sufficient.
    Pretty simple IMHO.

    But man do a lot of people invent ways to screw that up.

    My 3 adopted buds have the right attitude IMHO. Proly why they came out OK.
    My ol lady's dad was adopted and he was a total POS and whined about it til the day he died.
    More to that story but damn..........glad that loser is gone.

    One issue with adoption...........unknown genetic history.

    Yup, proly from my ol lady's dad...........our youngest has something.
     
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