Sad to see another marriage coming apart at the seams.

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  • Sigblaster

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    As usual, they have held together a crumbling relationship for way too long. These are friends of mine, but I knew probably 10 years ago that they should have called it quits. I think a lot of people knew that.

    Why do people hang on so long past the point where everyone else could see it coming? Thankfully, no kids involved, as neither wanted them.

    This sucks.
     
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    Hoosierdood

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    Good marriages don't just happen. It takes hard work, and a lot of it. You cant grow complacent either. It takes both people making a conscious effort every day.

    As long as both people are committed to working every day for their marriage, I am convinced that any marriage can be salvaged.

    But when one or both decide that they don't want to work at it any more, then that marriage is doomed. One person cant hold a bad marriage together. Sadly, the one who continues to work at it is often the one who holds on too long, only prolonging and multiplying the damage.
     

    maxwelhse

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    Why do people hang on so long past the point where everyone else could see it coming?

    Because at least one of them was hoping something different would happen that never did. I lived exactly that story for nearly 12 years and the only actual answer is the one CM already provided. Some questions just don't have good answers.
     

    Sigblaster

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    Life.

    Sadly.

    Yeah, I know. It's just a damn shame to see it happen so often, and to good friends. The worst part is seeing people stay in it when they knew it was over for so long. So many years of potential happiness thrown away in the complaceny of the staus quo.

    Months between sex, one sleeping on the couch for years rather than share a bed, the widening gulf of separate interests.
     

    Sigblaster

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    Good marriages don't just happen. It takes hard work, and a lot of it. You cant grow complacent either. It takes both people making a conscious effort every day.

    As long as both people are committed to working every day for their marriage, I am convinced that any marriage can be salvaged.

    But when one or both decide that they don't want to work at it any more, then that marriage is doomed. One person cant hold a bad marriage together. Sadly, the one who continues to work at it is often the one who holds on too long, only prolonging and multiplying the damage.

    I'm not without my own mistakes. My first marriage was about 7 years. When I came to the realization that I didn't really love my wife, I had to end it. I'd seen enough, even in my 20s, to know that wasn't to go well for either of us. It was just going to stifle us both, and waste time that would best be used to seek out a new mate while we were young enough to do so.

    My second and current wife and I just passed 26 years together, and it's fantastic. We are so compatible in every way, in life goals, child-rearing, financially, and especially romantically. :naughty:

    But like you said, you have to work at it every day. From the mundane tasks of washing dishes or doing laundry, or giving the occasional grope or kiss. Or just saying "I love you" for no reason at all, other than you feel it.
     

    MCgrease08

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    Good marriages don't just happen. It takes hard work, and a lot of it. You cant grow complacent either. It takes both people making a conscious effort every day.

    As long as both people are committed to working every day for their marriage, I am convinced that any marriage can be salvaged.

    But when one or both decide that they don't want to work at it any more, then that marriage is doomed. One person cant hold a bad marriage together. Sadly, the one who continues to work at it is often the one who holds on too long, only prolonging and multiplying the damage.

    Yep. This was my experience too. I finally pulled the rip cord two years ago and have never been happier. It was a big wake up call for the ex, who had been spiraling downward for the last two years of the marriage. Now she is getting her life together and we get along better as co-parents then we did the last couple years.

    Now my sister and her husband are another story. One of the most toxic relationships I've ever seen. It's painful to be around. We did a big family vacation at the beach this summer and listening to them constantly fighting was enough to put me over the edge and decide I will never spend another week with them like that again.

    They've been together almost 14 years and everyone in the family wonders why. They bicker literally the entire day and neither of them seems to have any interest in working together. They have two boys who now fight with each other all the time and talk back to their parents. The whole thing is brutal.
     
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    indyjohn

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    Thankfully, I'm long past and long forgotten my failed marriage. Lot's of issues with self esteem that I didn't see up front and couldn't solve.

    Second time around the regulars here know that I'm trapped. I've spoken many time on this forum that my wife is a better shot with a pistol than I am.
     

    Route 45

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    LOL, you manwhore, I don't know, and I don't want to know, and I definitely ain't giving you the digits. :nono:

    damn.gif


    :):
     

    Sigblaster

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    They have two boys who now fight with each other all the time and talk back to their parents.

    They learned that from their parents.

    Their parents not only destroyed their own relationship, they destroyed the relationship between their sons. That's damned unforgiveable.

    Sad as it is, I've seen that too.
     

    churchmouse

    I still care....Really
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    Thankfully, I'm long past and long forgotten my failed marriage. Lot's of issues with self esteem that I didn't see up front and couldn't solve.

    Second time around the regulars here know that I'm trapped. I've spoken many time on this forum that my wife is a better shot with a pistol than I am.

    And she has/knows how to effectively use a chain saw.....:):?
     

    indyjohn

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    Thankfully, I'm long past and long forgotten my failed marriage. Lot's of issues with self esteem that I didn't see up front and couldn't solve.

    Second time around the regulars here know that I'm trapped. I've spoken many time on this forum that my wife is a better shot with a pistol than I am.

    And she has/knows how to effectively use a chain saw.....:):?

    And she knows someone that has access to a backhoe. :rolleyes:
     

    maxwelhse

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    Let's not get off in the weeds here. There's no herpes stuff. Just loss of love and attraction. Simple and devastating.

    It's laugh or cry stuff here and we're electing to laugh a little...

    I do respect that these are your friends, and not our friends, so you may not appreciate the humor.
     
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