Incident at the homestead

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  • IndyBeerman

    Was a real life Beerman.....
    Rating - 100%
    5   0   0
    Jun 2, 2008
    7,700
    113
    Plainfield
    Some members might know I'm experiencing a shoulder problem and have been put on light duty for the last 7 weeks.

    In this last seven weeks I'm coming home at about the 4:30 to 4:45pm time frame, way earlier that my normal get home time when healthy. During these seven weeks I've noticed that one of the people who live someplace in my quaint subdivision has taken to walking his dog and let my front yard become his pooches drop off spot.

    Now just to let people know the average lot size is from 3/4 to 1.5 acres, so there is really no reason that you need to stroll the dog and let them crap in someone elses yard, unless you're like this sorry idiot that doesn't want it in his yard and doesn't plan on cleaning it up out of others yard.

    I take offense to this, I get tired in the summer time of running the mower through the front yard only to run over some pooch's possibly fecal infected crap and taking the chance of getting my dog's sick when I put the mower up.

    So I pull around the corner this evening to have before my eyes, his dog dropping a dog log right on my drive way. I stop in the road and get out and calmly and politely inform him to not use my yard as a waste disposal station and to clean it up.

    Guy gets really confrontational and tells me that he'll clean it up when h3ll freeze;s over and starts to walk away. I tell him in a sarcastic tone to not let me find out where he lives or I'll make sure he gets a ton on manure in his driveway for my trouble. I pull in the garage, go out clean it up, end of story right?


    Nope.


    8:50 I get a phone call from my neighbor telling me that someone is kneeling down beside the blind spot on the west side of my house.
    I grab the mossy 500 since my aim would not be to great with my weak hand and walk out from the back around to the side.

    As I'm approaching about 8 foot from the edge I see this guys dog sitting there looking me in the face with that "It's not me look" and all of a sudden I hear this guy on his cell phone saying "Ya honey, I'm crapping on the side of his house right now, teach him to chew me out"

    I rack the slide and walk around and you should have seen the look on this guys face,:n00b: cause I had just made him :poop: a little more. Made him pull his pants up without wiping made him give me his drivers license and I told him he get in in the mail with a certified letter explaining what my plans are for his actions and to never ever come on my property again because I got eyes everywhere.

    So, do I just mail it back to him with what will happen if I catch him trespassing on my property or should I really follow through with a ton of cow manure.:dunno:

    Right now I'm leaning towards just mailing it back with stay off my property verbiage, but the wife is in the living room still laughing at my manure idea.:stickpoke::poop:

    What should I do?
     

    Frank_N_Stein

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    79   0   0
    Nov 24, 2008
    10,206
    77
    Beech Grove, IN
    Cover his license with his own ****, then mail it back to him. Put the rest of the pile of his **** in an airtight package, and send it UPS or FedEx. But that's just me.
     
    Last edited:

    indoorsoccerfrea

    Sharpshooter
    Rating - 100%
    1   0   0
    Mar 9, 2009
    511
    16
    HAHA! +1 repped for good sense of humor and doing what you have to. Question: is there any way you can get in legal trouble for 'confiscating' his DL?
     

    Tactical Dave

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    8   0   0
    Feb 21, 2010
    5,574
    48
    Plainfield
    Get some straight acetone and use it to remove most of the writing on it so that he has to get get another one (will cost him money) then stick it in his poop in a box with a letter on top telling him it is his poop that you are returning, stick it in an air tight box and stick it in the mail :).

    When he open's it I am sure he will puke then he will think something is wrong with him because his poop ate away a lot of the lettering on his liscence.........
     

    wtfd661

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    10   0   0
    Dec 27, 2008
    6,467
    63
    North East Indiana
    :lmfao:I think I would bag up his dog and his :poop: and personally return it along with his license. This way there is no doubt that I know where he lives and I doubt you will see him again.
     

    IndyBeerman

    Was a real life Beerman.....
    Rating - 100%
    5   0   0
    Jun 2, 2008
    7,700
    113
    Plainfield
    HAHA! +1 repped for good sense of humor and doing what you have to. Question: is there any way you can get in legal trouble for 'confiscating' his DL?

    Ya, have him explain that one, "uh, uh, he took it cause I pooped in his yard."

    I can see that one right now, Here's your sign!

    Sorry but I would be calling the poooolice right now.

    I don't deal well with body fluids.

    That's why pooper scoopers was invented!:D

    Bagged and tagged with date and time on it.

    If he wants to cause problems, let him explain how I got his poop in a zip lock baggy. Heck we could even call in for some DNA.

    Oh :wow:, this could be the script for one of those just plain stupid original CSI episodes where nothing make sense.
     

    USMC1811

    Plinker
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Feb 26, 2010
    71
    6
    Indianapolis
    He broke several laws, call the police and open a complaint, that way you have a history in case he is really stupid and esclates the issue. Ask the police officer if he can return the license and give a verbal warning. Do not damage the license or the ax falls on you.
     

    mattfoley

    Plinker
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Mar 10, 2009
    92
    6
    Wayne Co.
    He broke several laws, call the police and open a complaint, that way you have a history in case he is really stupid and esclates the issue. Ask the police officer if he can return the license and give a verbal warning. Do not damage the license or the ax falls on you.


    This is the smart thing to do.... thanks for the laughs!
     

    jblomenberg16

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    67   0   0
    Mar 13, 2008
    9,920
    63
    Southern Indiana
    Do you intend to live at your residence for a while to come? Is there a good chance this guy will be still in the neighborhood for years to come?

    If both are yes, I'd hand deliver his liscense, and tell him that next time you'll involve the law. Neighbor wars usually never end well, and often result in much more destruction of property when it is all said and done.

    No sense in it turning into a retaliation match on who can one up who at this point. Be the bigger man here and give him a final warning, and then drop it.
     

    RA8

    Sharpshooter
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Jun 8, 2009
    496
    16
    Carmel
    You should have covered his license with his excrement, and made him place it back into his wallet.
     

    clt46910

    Master
    Emeritus
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Dec 4, 2008
    1,633
    36
    Akron Indiana
    I would make a report to the police then take him to small claims court for the price of resod your yard.

    I have the same problem here. A number of people what walk their dogs down the road and let them take a dump on other peoples yards. Confronted a few got in a few yelling matches. Few of them kept it up to spite me.

    I finally started saturating the front of my yard with keep-away type stuff. I put it on thick last summer and not had a problem since. The dogs avoid my yard. Even when the owners stopped for a long time trying to get them to dump in my yard. The dogs would not even come into the grass. Loved it...LOL
     

    Clay

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 98.8%
    81   1   0
    Aug 28, 2008
    9,648
    48
    Vigo Co
    let me get this straight...... you caught the guy...... pants down......... dropping a deuce...... next to YOUR house? W. T. F?????????
     
    Rating - 100%
    21   0   0
    Dec 24, 2008
    1,198
    48
    Way up North
    :+1:Thats the funniest thing I have read in quite a while.
    I thought you had a good start with the no wipeing and getting the license, but if it was me he would have stood there and stunk till the police got there.
     

    E5RANGER375

    Shooter
    Rating - 100%
    15   0   0
    Feb 22, 2010
    11,507
    38
    BOATS n' HO's, Indy East
    i would have made him stay squatting and took a picture of him pointing at his crap. then told him if he ever let his dog crap in your yard again you would make sure that picture was in the next community newsletter. i bet youd never hear from him again.
     

    Bill of Rights

    Cogito, ergo porto.
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    7   0   0
    Apr 26, 2008
    18,096
    77
    Where's the bacon?
    He broke several laws, call the police and open a complaint, that way you have a history in case he is really stupid and esclates the issue. Ask the police officer if he can return the license and give a verbal warning. Do not damage the license or the ax falls on you.
    ^^^This.

    While the rest of this is funny to joke and laugh about in the abstract, actually defacing his license, mailing feces (even his own, to him--what if a postal inspector opens it?), or having a literal :poop:-ton of manure delivered to his yard could all be actionable. I do agree with the letter advising him to cease and desist any activity upon your property, preferably drafted by an attorney on his/her letterhead and a formal complaint with the PD. Photocopy his license before you send it back to him.

    My question would be why you did not call the police while you had him there, literally with his pants down and the evidence still steaming? :dunno:

    Lastly, in the event that this goes any further, I would ask you, please, on behalf of the mod team, kindly do not video this, or if you do for evidentiary purposes, please do not post it here. :thumbsup: (That's not sarcasm... really... please don't post it here.)

    Thanks.

    Blessings,
    Bill
     

    iamaclone45

    Expert
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Feb 2, 2009
    1,304
    38
    Indiana
    Thanks for the laugh.. :laugh:

    I would have made him clean it up with his bare hands right there on the spot. As for the Drivers License, I would either just mail it back with a stern letter explaining how upset you are or call the police and hand it over to them if you wish to get law enforcement involved.
     
    Rating - 100%
    23   0   0
    Mar 26, 2008
    2,441
    63
    Deadman's Hollow
    This reminded me of the movie "the burbs" with tom hanks. You handled it well, it just file a report and drop the id in his paper box or mail it. File a report and I'm sure you can have it taken care of on the next incident.
     
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