167 acts of imposed obligations in Scottsburg.

Alpo said:

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I thought that is what would happen if Churchmouse turned Nazi on us!

I think Churchmouse is watching this thread and making his list......

No one here has "paid it forward" at a drive through?

I do it about once a month. Pick up the tab for the person behind me. Don't know, and don't care, if they do it for the next. Fun to see how long they kept this one going. Sure, it was mostly a "game" at that point, but at least it was a feel-good thing. The world needs more of that.

Alpo said:

I think Churchmouse is watching this thread and making his list......

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T.Lex said:

I'm not tracking where the "obligation" thing comes from.

A couple months ago, I got a coffee at a shop near my office. (I rarely do that.) After she handed it to me, she said someone had already paid for it. I offered to pay for the next person in line, but she said that one was already covered, too. So I took it.

I didn't feel obligated to offer the next person, it just felt like the right thing to do.

And, since they know the total number, at some point the "last" people in line just took the free food.

Finally, the "newsworthiness" of things - since I sometimes have background information on ACTUAL newsworthy things - is, to me, a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, surrounded by dollars. Sometimes, it just doesn't make sense.

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Maybe I listen to many economist / psychologist podcast.

There's a definite social implication to "pay it forward".

phylodog said:

Who cares?

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Me, obviously. ...first world problems, don't ya know.

People are free to do what they want (last I checked). If passing it on feels good to them, who am I to judge or put someone down for it? Was someone harmed by this or something?

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Stanley Milgram wouldn't fully agree with this (nor would ATM ).

JettaKnight said:

Maybe I listen to many economist / psychologist podcast.

There's a definite social implication to "pay it forward".

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Please elaborate (intended with a non-confrontational smile).

"Implication" in a bad way?

Stanley Milgram wouldn't fully agree with this (nor would ATM ).

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One of them indulges shocking social experiments. The other was as scientist.

But more seriously, I remain unconvinced that "someone did something nice for me so I should do something nice for someone else" is a bad thing. Particularly when there's an assumed anonymity about this. No one knows who the recipient will be, which reduces the perceived payoff for the giver.

T.Lex said:

Please elaborate (intended with a non-confrontational smile).

"Implication" in a bad way?

But more seriously, I remain unconvinced that "someone did something nice for me so I should do something nice for someone else" is a bad thing. Particularly when there's an assumed anonymity about this. No one knows who the recipient will be, which reduces the perceived payoff for the giver.

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There's probably a ton of studies on this, but off hand, I don't know any... perhaps I'll find some this weekend (I actually have to get some work done today).

And there's never assured anonymity*. There's never someone not watching you in this situation.

For me, if placed in this social situation, I'd be anxious the entire rest of the day. It would not make be happy. Why? Because I'd be trying to figure out the correct protocol for how to deal with situation. Say thank you and leave? Pay it forward? But then how is this done? Pretend to be invisible? Throw the food and my money at the cashier? Race down the street honking the horn and try and thank the person?


These are the things that causes my wife to say, "You're on the spectrum."

Anyone remember my rant against tipping? Similar thing. Some of us don't handle social ambiguity as well as others. Tell me how much it cost, I hand you the money and say thank you, you say you're welcome**.


* Of course, you can tell you're wife that you're completely anonymous on that nude beach in Europe.

** When did, "you're welcome" get dropped from the lexicon of shop owners and employees?

It is possible to overthink this. I've always enjoyed voluntary giving. It makes me feel good knowing that some random voluntary act goes out into the universe at the speed of light...forever.

Forced giving, like Christmas exchanges or any holiday generated for the sake of consumer sales, is a tax. I avoid them for the most part.

If it makes you (no one in particular) happy, I'm not necessarily trying to rain on your parade... ok, a sprinkle.

Just understand why you do it, and not everyone appreciates it (although >99% probably do).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warm-glow_giving
Are the Rich Really Less Generous Than the Poor? - Freakonomics Freakonomics


As to T.Lex - I don't have a study to present, but there's a the wildly known bias when dealing with "anonymous" surveys. In other words, people try to conform because some unknown person is watching. In one case it's the surveyor, in another case it's the cashier. There's that psychological bias that's obligating me to keep "paying it forward". Stanley's telling me to push the button...
How Big is My Penis? (And Other Things We Ask Google) - Freakonomics Freakonomics

eldirector said:

No one here has "paid it forward" at a drive through?

I do it about once a month. Pick up the tab for the person behind me. Don't know, and don't care, if they do it for the next. Fun to see how long they kept this one going. Sure, it was mostly a "game" at that point, but at least it was a feel-good thing. The world needs more of that.

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This ^^^^^^^^^

I have received and I have given. Usually at different times. But sometime at the same time.











(OK for the love of God somebody sig this.)

Alpo said:

Well, back in the day, we bought rounds for the house. The rest of the night I was wasted.

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FIFY

"About 50 miles north of Louisville?"

Who proofreads these stories???? Everyone knows Louisville, Kentucky is 25 miles south of Scottsburg and Austin, Kentucky is 3 miles north of Scottsburg....

(southern Indiana boys will get this little regional joke..)

I've been spontaneously generous; a massive tip because we can/want to is always a nice treat.

I'd wager than the $5 that someone doesn't have to spend at McD's is often more valuable to the recipient than getting a free grande mocha thingy at Starbucks. Maybe we should keep all our "freebie" money and once a year donate it en masse to a cause--fill those red kettles!

I buy Meals for Cops, Firefighters, Active Duty Military and Veterans. I like to do this anonymously, so I expect nothing in return. Everyone that "Paid It Forward" did it by their own free will. Hard for some folks to belive that there are that many Good People around.

This is why we can't have nice things!

I've never been involved in one of the "pay it forward" things. But I have found money and it's my general policy that "found money" gets donated for some good cause. I could see some of those folks at that drive through taking on the same idea.

JettaKnight said:

If it makes you (no one in particular) happy, I'm not necessarily trying to rain on your parade... ok, a sprinkle.

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Wait a minute! You're a Baptist. You aren't supposed to sprinkle!

phylodog said:

Who cares? People are free to do what they want (last I checked). If passing it on feels good to them, who am I to judge or put someone down for it? Was someone harmed by this or something?

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Can't add anything of more value to that pithy statement.

T.Lex said:

And, since they know the total number, at some point the "last" people in line just took the free food.

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Or McDonald's just didn't have a next person in line. Kind of hard for someone to pay for the next person when that is not a known quantity to the restaurant.

HoughMade said:

One more reason to avoid a drive through.

I'll be generous in many situations....of my choosing.

Feeding people with the means to feed themselves? Nice, but not necessary and not exactly "when i was hungry, you fed me...".

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Agreed, and this is how I see it. I generally avoid a drive through at all costs. And generosity is an act of my choosing for the cause, person, etc. I don't bow to "imposed or socially forced generosity" that is setup in a program at work, etc. My family gives to those we choose to give to, and without anyone else needing to know about it. I don't have issues with people putting together programs at work at holidays, etc, but when someone does something besides make people generally aware of the program... i.e. some specific comment to me about my choosing to participate or not, it really is annoying, and crosses a line.

phylodog said:

Who cares? People are free to do what they want (last I checked). If passing it on feels good to them, who am I to judge or put someone down for it? Was someone harmed by this or something?

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I agree with this too. Personal responsibility and freedom.

HoughMade said:

I have a theory about Go Fund Me campaigns that's pretty unpopular too.

I can't speak for the OP, but I don't care if people want to engage in this no matter how silly it is.

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Agreed on Go Fund Me. There are too many folks requesting money for things that are just a joke.

JettaKnight said:

For me, if placed in this social situation, I'd be anxious the entire rest of the day. It would not make be happy. Why? Because I'd be trying to figure out the correct protocol for how to deal with situation. Say thank you and leave? Pay it forward? But then how is this done? Pretend to be invisible? Throw the food and my money at the cashier? Race down the street honking the horn and try and thank the person?


These are the things that causes my wife to say, "You're on the spectrum."

Anyone remember my rant against tipping? Similar thing. Some of us don't handle social ambiguity as well as others. Tell me how much it cost, I hand you the money and say thank you, you say you're welcome**.

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I'm right there with you. It is just a very awkward thing for me. Part of it is that I am not a good receiver of gifts, etc. I really never have liked it.

I've never experienced this specific scenario in a drive through (although my wife actually does it from time to time... I usually find out about it when I ask why I see 2 back to back charges on the account for the same place, to see if it is correct or not), but I honestly think I'd just tell the cashier, "No thanks, I'll pay for my own order, and you can figure out how to make that happen/who to pay for, or take the $ from the register and put it in your pocket, it's none of my concern." I would not intend that to come across harsh, it would just be that I stepped into this line and ordered what I could afford, etc. It was an act of my will that I am responsible for, and I'm not too interested in someone taking that decision or responsibility away from me.

Alpo said:

Forced giving, like Christmas exchanges or any holiday generated for the sake of consumer sales, is a tax. I avoid them for the most part.

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Pretty much in the same boat myself. I will stop and buy my wife some flowers one day just because, but I'm terrible with birthdays, anniversaries, and those are dates of meaning... Valentine's day, etc just doesn't exist in my book.