Nine Lives Matter

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  • JAL

    Master
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    May 14, 2017
    2,161
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    Indiana
    Anyone who has cats, even if only one, but especially more than one, can attest to their continuously conspiring to enslave the human race. There is evidence they are alien spies. I find mine secretly communicating with each other frequently and behaving suspiciously.

    The one that goes by the alias Mr. Stripes has been demonstrating recently demanding recognition of past oppression, repression and enslavement without any recognition of their contribution to eliminating bubonic plague and I recently discovered his use of social media to organize fellow felines with Nine Lives Matter. I've recently spotted midnight zooming from room to room, periodic perch stalking from elevated locations and secret coded symbols left in litter box dropping patterns. Then they go out onto the porch making caterwauling noises to call for flash mobs of the other neighborhood felines. I'm certain Nine Lives Matter is closely associate with PETA.

    Mr. Stripes was captured raising his paw in solidarity with other felines globally . . .

    23753149058_a9ca24da5d_b.jpg


    Are others having to deal with this seditious behavior?

    John
     

    Wolfhound

    Hired Goon
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    45   0   0
    Apr 11, 2011
    3,966
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    Henry County
    I fear I may already be enslaved by felines. We feed them and clean up after them. I guess they do provide good company for my wife and I. Crap, I think she has turned me into a cat person. :):
     

    indykid

    Grandmaster
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    4   0   0
    Jan 27, 2008
    11,859
    113
    Westfield
    No doubt in my mind cats rule the roost. Funny you post this because just a few minutes my minister called and asked if I could look in and feed his cat while he is away. There are at least 3 people involved in taking care of a cat! No doubt who is in charge in his house!
     

    JAL

    Master
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    0   0   0
    May 14, 2017
    2,161
    113
    Indiana
    How dare you gender identify the mammal as "Mr". Has xe let this classification to you been approved? Do you know xe identifies as a "cat"?

    Well, I didn't want to admit this, but one major item in their list of oppressions is being forcibly neutered. As you might imagine, it's a sensitive topic. I've never asked by what gender "xe" now wishes to be identified. Having a dialog about this may be attempted when it can be calmly conducted.

    John
     

    eric001

    Vaguely well-known member
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    9   0   0
    Apr 3, 2011
    1,860
    149
    Indianapolis
    I am too busy being turned into feline furniture to actively deal with this 9 lives matter stuff. My felines are pretty much convinced, and seem to do a better than decent job of convincing me and the wife, that THEIR lives are all that matter. Alas, we are outnumbered and surrounded. I fear our sector of resistance may well be a lost cause.
     

    churchmouse

    I still care....Really
    Emeritus
    Rating - 100%
    187   0   0
    Dec 7, 2011
    191,809
    152
    Speedway area
    The spouse loved our felines. They were pretty cool over all.
    Then we find out our G-baby is so allergic to pet dander. Severely allergic.
    Kitty's had to find new homes. Took a good while to completely clear the area of their presence.
    We miss them but people 1st. Especially our angel.
     

    JettaKnight

    Я з Україною
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    6   0   0
    Oct 13, 2010
    26,517
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    Fort Wayne
    Sir Reginald Fluffingbottom and Lady Penelope Meowmeowton do not tolerate sedition. (You should see the remains of crickets and moths that defied their authority.) They are too concerned with high society feline affairs to care about the Nine Lives of the ho-poloi. Instead of flash mobs and protests, they're constantly arranging catnip tea parties and fancy yarn balls for other nobility. Some of these are charity events, like funding the group Mice for Kittens, which places gently used toy mice in the homes of indigent cats. (Though they don't actually stoop so low as to doing it themselves). Other times they chair international conferences and think tanks dedicated to figuring out how to catch that mysterious red dot.



    Their thoughts of murdering us are only tempered by the fact that it's so hard to find good servants these days and they dread the thought of having to hire new humans.

    If you'll excuse me, I hear the sound of a squeaking mouse, which mean my lord requires his belly scratched right meow.
     
    Last edited:

    WanderingSol07

    Sharpshooter
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    0   0   0
    Aug 7, 2017
    413
    28
    North Central
    Zoey has my wife fully under her control. The cat will jump up on the end table and stare at my wife from 12". Wife will then jump up, check food, check box, and take care of both needs then sit down again. Cat will disappear until another need arises. Cat tried staring at me once, I just stare back. Of course in the morning the cat lays on her back and asks me for belly rubs every morning, I ... must ... comply ...
     

    JettaKnight

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    Oct 13, 2010
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    Brad69

    Grandmaster
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    0   0   0
    Jul 16, 2016
    5,104
    77
    Perry county
    View attachment 59806

    This is 8 pounds of terror
    1. Opens food cabinet gets cans out and arranges them into patterns
    2. Opens doors
    3. Will get into shower with you often sleeps in sinks
    4. Stalks humans will get on top of open doors and watch you
    5. This thing can jump 7ft vertically
    6. Has some of the most unbelievable howls and noises ever heard often at 3am
    7. Fearless thinks it weighs 300 lbs. will fight with its back feet in a series of leaping charges Like a freaking Ninja
    8. Arranges toys into patterns lines,triangles,squares
    9. Will not be held
    10. Provides hours of comic relief

    BTW Bengals I would assume are the militant wing of the movement.
     

    Liberty1916

    Shooter
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Aug 13, 2017
    269
    18
    Home
    Well, I didn't want to admit this, but one major item in their list of oppressions is being forcibly neutered.

    John


    Many people don't realize the history behind the forced sterilization of cats. The program is currently funded by Planned Felinehood, which was started by Margaret Katzer in an effort to eliminate black cats from the population because they were considered unlucky.
     

    JettaKnight

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    Oct 13, 2010
    26,517
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    Fort Wayne
    That dude has some mean looking claws, Brad. Pound for pound, cats are fierce.


    When Sir Reginald takes off his top hat and monocle, it's game on. Of course he follows Queensfurry Rules.
     

    Thor

    Grandmaster
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    2   0   0
    Jan 18, 2014
    10,704
    113
    Could be anywhere
    My sister has a cat, interesting because we were never cat people, she was talking about how it was stalking me when I was in the house because it believed it might have a chance to eat me. I told her if it was big enough to do that it would already be a rug in my library.
     

    Brad69

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Jul 16, 2016
    5,104
    77
    Perry county
    Here is a book on gun safety for cats!


    View attachment 59811

    https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Your-About-Safety/dp/045149492X/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=YY8KS7PPSSHRJ1Y54MXK&dpID=512slp93A4L&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=detail
     
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