i've got an issue and need some help.

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  • peterock

    Sharpshooter
    Rating - 95.8%
    23   1   0
    Jun 24, 2008
    510
    59
    Indianapolis
    My girlfriend who I am currently living with is 100% anti gun and damn near poops her pants at the sight of mine. Is there any way to explain the absolute must a handgun has become in our current society. Are there handgun classes I can take her to so she can become more comfortable with the idea? She won't go to the range and even if she did want to go i'm not sure I'd want to take her shooting for her first time in public.
     

    NateIU10

    Master
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Feb 19, 2008
    3,714
    38
    Maryland
    If you have access to a .22, I think it would be best to let her use that. Explain to her that you cannot assume you are always safe, the police can't always be there, etc. Explain to her that you can think you're in the best part of town, but bad stuff can still happen (McDonald's in Carmel comes to mind). I'm sure others will be along to add some advice, but this is how I've converted one of my sisters, and now she understands guns aren't inherently bad.

    "If guns are inherently bad, that would make me bad. Do you think I'm a bad/evil person?" That always gets them thinking.
     

    Bigum1969

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Apr 3, 2008
    21,422
    38
    SW Indiana
    My wife "hated" handguns when we got married. I could shoot, but I could never let her see a gun.

    A couple of years ago we had someone break into our house while we were sleeping. We didn't even realize it had happened until the next day.

    That's when she finally said it was "okay" to have a gun inside the house. Little did she know that we always had a gun in the house:rolleyesedit:

    Fast forward a couple of years. She almost acted a little bit happy when I got my LTCH.

    A couple of days ago we were out for our evening walk. We were entering some woods and the sun was almost down. She turned to me and said, "you're packing aren't you?"
    I almost broke into tears:rockwoot:

    Just keep working on it. I talk to my wife every day about guns and protection, etc. About 2% of what I say actually sticks. But, I do talk a lot!:stickpoke:

    She actually let me buy myself a pocket gun for Father's Day. I picked up my new Kahr PM9. She wasn't ready to help pick it out, but she essentially bought me a gun for Father's Day!

    There is hope:thumbsup:
     

    indyjoe

    Master
    Rating - 100%
    8   0   0
    May 20, 2008
    4,584
    36
    Indy - South
    Why is she 100% anti-gun? Is she scared of them? Does she just think they are evil? We need to understand why she is anti-gun in order to better inform her.

    I would also recommend getting a few books:

    [ame="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312951507?ie=UTF8&tag=w7erwe7bxcs-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0312951507"]Armed and Female: Twelve Million American Women Own Guns, Should You?[/ame]
    or
    [ame="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743464184?ie=UTF8&tag=w7erwe7bxcs-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0743464184"]Blown Away: American Women and Guns[/ame]

    Don't just buy to give to her, read it yourself.

    You don't know how happy I am that my fiancé decided it would be a good thing to learn how to shoot. I got to show her all my guns (she didn't realize I had the variety I had.) Only half a dozen, but more than she thought.
     

    Bill of Rights

    Cogito, ergo porto.
    Site Supporter
    Rating - 100%
    7   0   0
    Apr 26, 2008
    18,096
    77
    Where's the bacon?
    Bottom line, if she's 100% anti, the only one who will change her mind is her. That said, you can gently shape things to help that process. Watch the news and when a story comes on where someone could have defended him/herself if they'd been armed, ask her what she'd have done, or what they did wrong. DO NOT CORRECT HER if she comes up with the wrong answer-you want her to see it for herself and be thinking about it after the discussion is over. (you also get boyfriend points :rolleyesedit: for respecting her opinion enough to ask it.) When you start seeing some minor results, have her check out the stuff at Cornered Cat . You've read all this already, haven't you?;)

    There is a good page on there (lots of them, but one in particular) on how to convince your wife to hate guns-I know, it sounds counterproductive, but read it. Really.

    God forbid you ever truly need your pistol and that be what convinces her, but short of that, I can't think of a lot else you can be doing actively.

    If/when you ever get to the point of her going with you to shoot, excellent ear protection and nothing larger than a .22 to start. If she's going to learn to shoot, though, I've read several places it's better to have a professional instructor do the teaching for many reasons.

    Good luck and

    Blessings,
    B
     

    pmpmstrb

    Sharpshooter
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Feb 10, 2008
    491
    16
    Before we go any further lets get this out of the way now. Post pics of her and we'll let you know if you're wasting your time preaching or not.
     

    abnk

    Master
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Mar 25, 2008
    1,679
    38
    I agree with much of what Bill of Rights said.

    Just be patient and don't antagonize her. If you give her reason to be defensive, there is no way you're penetrating her wall of suspicion. When people feel threatened, they don't listen. Instead they prepare counter-arguments before you even cast yours.

    If you live in Indy, you can show her the Indy911 database that is maintained by the Indy Star. She'll be in for a rude awakening. You'd be surprised what goes on in your neighborhood.
     

    Ri22o

    Shooter
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Feb 7, 2008
    2,297
    36
    Speedway
    Why not try going about this a different way? Try to make HER convince YOU that guns are bad, instead of you trying to convince her. This way there is little to no effort on your part, and if she does truly hate them, she will put effort into it. If she just doesn't care, then she won't do her research.
     

    Scutter01

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    2   0   0
    Mar 21, 2008
    23,750
    48
    Why not try going about this a different way? Try to make HER convince YOU that guns are bad, instead of you trying to convince her. This way there is little to no effort on your part, and if she does truly hate them, she will put effort into it. If she just doesn't care, then she won't do her research.

    You're single, aren't you? :):
     

    Electronrider

    Sharpshooter
    Rating - 100%
    3   0   0
    Apr 2, 2008
    563
    18
    White County
    You need to sit down and take a real hard look at the relationship. Is she worth keeping, even though she will hate your guns for the rest of your life? Are you a person who has very poor skills, and this is the best your gonna do, and you jsut have to compromise? Yes to either of those, and your all set, just go ahead and turn in your man card, as well as the rest of your armory.

    Seriously, Unless she is incredibly worth it otherwise, or there is absolutely no way in hell that you are ever going to find someone jsut as good if not better, then you ned to dump her now, and move on. Very very few people change their ways.
     

    RogerB

    Master
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Feb 5, 2008
    3,133
    36
    New Palestine
    I feel your pain man....

    All I can say is this:

    1. LEO's can't be everywhere in seconds when bad things happen to good people.

    2. The only guns she should be afraid of are the ones in the bad guys hands, so why not even the playing field. Owning one (or several) and getting training and practice will help tilt the balance in your defensive favor. You own and carry because you care.

    3. Shooting has been a part of so many safe pasttimes...Boyscouts of America, FFA, state and national shooting clubs, the Olympics (excuse me for leaving any out, I'm sure there's tons more)

    aight I'm done... good luck brother! :thumbsup:
     
    Last edited:

    obijohn

    Master
    Rating - 100%
    6   0   0
    Mar 24, 2008
    3,504
    63
    Terre Haute
    as has been said, patience is the key. the nra has some female specific programs that are very good. it has taken her whole life to develop her current attitude(s), it will take some time to modifiy them.
     

    Scutter01

    Grandmaster
    Rating - 100%
    2   0   0
    Mar 21, 2008
    23,750
    48
    This would be a discussion that applies to anything in a relationship, not just gun ownership. If there's a "deal breaker" difference of opinions, then it might be time to re-examine the entire relationship before either of you are too committed. That said, there were some good suggestions in this thread. I would also suggest stop going to the movies. That's probably where a lot of her negative stereotypes come from.
     

    Fenway

    no longer pays the bills
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Jan 11, 2008
    12,449
    63
    behind you
    I have been very patient with my wife. This has been a process over a couple of years and now she is finally asking about going to the range every once in a while.

    I don't want to go to Pops because I don't think that would be a very good scene. To loud, smells bad and other factors would make it difficult.

    When my wife goes shooting I know I need two things for sure.

    Out door range and a .22. That should get us off to a good start I think!

    I should also mention that she started feeling more comfortable about the whole thing when she met other "normal" gun owners. I don't know what that means about her feelings towards me.... but one day Shay and Lars came over to my house. They are both gun owners and fairly normal people. She met them and felt better about it!
     

    Fenway

    no longer pays the bills
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Jan 11, 2008
    12,449
    63
    behind you
    :oldwise: sounds like a wise man.

    This would be a discussion that applies to anything in a relationship, not just gun ownership. If there's a "deal breaker" difference of opinions, then it might be time to re-examine the entire relationship before either of you are too committed. That said, there were some good suggestions in this thread. I would also suggest stop going to the movies. That's probably where a lot of her negative stereotypes come from.
     

    Annie Oakley

    Sharpshooter
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Apr 15, 2008
    720
    16
    Rural southern Indiana
    As a woman who grew up in Indy and the only contact with guns was my father's .22 and a shotgun, which I was never allowed to touch let alone shoot, this is my opinon. Most women are afraid of guns because they aren't familiar with them. It takes time and patience to help anyone overcome a fear. If she is a good and sensible woman give her the opportunity to become comfortable with firearms. Starting out with a .22 is exactly the way to go---no big noise or kick. If you have somewhere that you can take her to plink at cans that would be a good start then just work from there. Good luck.
     
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