4 stages of Death

[wcd]

So tomorrow we are heading South to Texas for a week. I have friend whom we will going to visit for a week, perhaps his last. From what I am reading Social Death is the first phase for Hospice. From what I understand it is when a patients World ceases to exist for them. And the World as they know it is gone.

While I am far from Mr. Emotional and I often struggle with trying to say and do the right thing at difficult times. Understanding I have lost a few people in my life in the past but it has always been sudden and unexpected.

I am guessing that there really is not anything some one can do to make a difference, other than perhaps making a few food runs if his appetite warrants?

 

[armalitesheepdog]

Don't feel you need to say anything. Just go be a friend. If he wants to talk about it he will

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Been through it a few times. Just talk to them like a person who is present with you. Don't put them in the past tense. Don't only 'remember when'. If you bring up a topic, it's a neutral one. Let them lead the conversation as much as they like.

 

[red_zr24x4]

Sorry to hear, I struggle when put in this situation. I always feel like I should have said something more after the visit.
But I think just being there says more than you think

 

[wcd]

Been through it a few times. Just talk to them like a person who is present with you. Don't put them in the past tense. Don't only 'remember when'. If you bring up a topic, it's a neutral one. Let them lead the conversation as much as they like.

Going to be a rough week to say the least. We usually talk about once a week. We have been friends going on 23 years now.

Letting him lead the conversation is going to be an easy one. unfortunately I am usually not big on conversations.

 

[wcd]

Sorry to hear, I struggle when put in this situation. I always feel like I should have said something more after the visit.
But I think just being there says more than you think

Plan on being there for the whole week. For what ever it’s worth I wanted to be there for his family as well.

 

[patience0830]

Plan on being there for the whole week. For what ever it’s worth I wanted to be there for his family as well.

Admirable. Glad you're able to go. He will appreciate it, I'm sure.

 

[Cameramonkey]

Plan on being there for the whole week. For what ever it’s worth I wanted to be there for his family as well.

This. Sit with him and talk in the moment.

Also do what you can to help the family just like you were back home with them under normal circumstances. Just the scenarios will be a little bit different. Instead or making a run for ice for the beer cooler like you may have back in the day, it may be to grab carry out for the fam, or to run another errand for them. or just to sit with him so they can go get some rest and take care of business (or eat). Just another day in the life, really. Just under slightly different circumstances.

Safe travels.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I don’t have any advice. But I will pray for you, your friend, and his family.

 

[BehindBlueI's]

Going to be a rough week to say the least. We usually talk about once a week. We have been friends going on 23 years now.

Letting him lead the conversation is going to be an easy one. unfortunately I am usually not big on conversations.

Yeah. It's a terrible experience, but also a priceless one. Best of luck.

 

[JCSR]

wcd you are a good man. God bless. I'll keep you and your friend in my prayers

 

[63PGP]

In a somewhat similar situation with my mom but its more long term. Take my dad 4 times a week and we find current events to discuss. We stay away from family that has passed previously. At this point she is a listener, so we have to carry the conversations.

Enjoy the time.

 

[wcd]

Yeah. It's a terrible experience, but also a priceless one. Best of luck.

Understanding I really thought that was an odd thing to say. He passed away Wednesday. Now I understand what you meant.

 

[PGRChaplain]

Visiting the Terminal Patient is for us as well as them.

 

[Nazgul]

My wife of 24 years was coherent until a few days before her death from cancer in 2007. The last 3 months were discussions of things that aren't usually on a couples agenda, it was obvious it was terminal. Not very emotional for the most part. She was an experienced RN so knew exactly what was happening.

Made her wishes known, most were aimed at making it easy for us. Even at that there were unsaid/unresolved issues. I guess you can't arrange everything anyhow.

The whole process in retrospect, including grieving afterwards, was interesting. Gave me a different perspective on end of life process.

My mom had dementia for a long time. Visits with her were all over the place. Just had to be nice and accommodating . My dad was joking/loving until the end. He passed quietly with all of us around him.

I wish you well on your journey.

Don

 

[1nderbeard]

when in doubt, don't say anything. Just be there.

Before you leave, thank your friend for being a friend.

 

[wcd]

when in doubt, don't say anything. Just be there.

Before you leave, thank your friend for being a friend.

Done well ahead of time, thankfully.

He made it 4 days.


I came to find out afterwards how much it meant to him that I was able to be there.

God Speed Doyle.

 

[1nderbeard]

Done well ahead of time, thankfully.

He made it 4 days.


I came to find out afterwards how much it meant to him that I was able to be there.

God Speed Doyle.

God bless you for going. It's God's work comforting the mourning.