Pervert in the Bushes!

[Dead Duck]

What color is my gate?

Your Gate was Green............. But had Brown splotches when I left.

 

[Bang-bang]

I just came back from my appointment down south and came across a sicko.

All started this morning when I got up to get ready for my Doctors appointment. I felt sick to my stomach and almost cancelled, but I went anyway. I’ve got a bum foot and it was already scheduled. After the doctors visit, I was driving back up and got lost. Whats worst is I didn’t eat much but what I did have didn’t agree with me. Still feeling nauseous at this point.

I turned down this one road and it didn’t look like it was going to go all the way through. Then I saw that my fuel gauge was getting low. My wife took my car earlier and left me with the old jalopy. (With no gas) Not my day. At this point I’m getting cramps and realize that I I'm not just sick but I now have to go to the bathroom, like right now. I hate that.

So I just pulled over next to a field and got out. I went through some tall grass and stopped to squat which isn’t easy with my bad foot. I am just getting my pants down when I thought I heard something behind me. Big, like a large dog.

I’m thinking, great- I’m lost and nobody knows where I am, my car is about out of gas, I’m about to throw-up, my foot is killing me, here squatting in some field, about to get attacked by god knows what and I left my gun in the car.

Then I hear some Pervert shouting behind me about offering to help. I’m thinking, Help what? Wiping my Butt? This Freak was probably watching me the whole time taking pictures or something? I just jumped up. And no, I wasn’t finished. I can’t run so I’m kind of hobbling to the car trying to get my pants back up and gather my composure.

I got to the car, holding my pants together with one hand and starting the car with the other. I drove off as fast as it could go. As I looked back I could see this Dirty Old Man walking out from the grass with a dog and what looks like a camera. I really don’t want to know what they were doing in there.

Well, I was a mess! No time to wipe and ended with Poopy Drawers. Down my leg, in my shoe and on the steering wheel. That’s when my stomach decided I needed to puke all over the passenger side of my car. It wasn't pretty. Stopped for gas on the way back. (that was interesting) When I got home, I hosed off in the back and paid my neighbor to just take out my seats and hose them and the car out. At this point I just don’t care.

I can’t call the police because he probably lives under a tree or a bush with his “perv” buddies or something. Wouldn’t know where to tell them to go cause I was lost anyway. I'm going back to bed.

WOW I've not had THAT bad of a day before> I'll just stop complaining forever. wow