A compliment you should avoid giving your wife

[Rookie]

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

 

[gunman41mag]

At least he didn't lie to her

 

[Westside]

the husband never heard the gunshot.

 

[88GT]

the husband never heard the gunshot.

I wouldn't convict.

 

[jeremy]

Dumbass...

So how bad was your assbeating there Rookie?!

 

[goinggreyfast]

So there's this farmer sitting at the breakfast table. His wife is bent over the stove cooking him breakfast.

He says, "Ya know honey, your butt is getting as wide as a combine." She just looks over her shoulder at him and goes back to cooking.

Later that night they are laying in bed and he starts getting "frisky" and she's not coming around to it. He says, "What's the deal here?"

Her response: "If you think I'm gonna fire up a $300,000 piece of equipment for an ear of corn, you're crazy!"

 

[LeeStreet]

My wife went to a hen party, & was told that women should carry a purse as big as their butt. While telling the story she lifted up her purse, & I said looks like you better get a bigger one.

Then one time we were leaving the mall & there was a sprinkle of rain. She was worried that her hair would get messed up, & I said you couldn't look any worse.

In August we will be married 32 years.

 

[joslar15]

Hahahaha! Then there's the one about the wife saying she needs a bigger boobs, and so the husband says to use toilet paper because it's worked on her butt!

 

[goinggreyfast]

These are the things you don't say to your wife- Tim Hawkins

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK2OakMoW_c[/ame]

 

[hoosierdoc]

I love the jokes.

Guy has his wife on a trip with him and checks in to the hotel. Goes to the front desk and says "I have my wife with me and we'd like our porn disabled please."

Desk man looks disgusted "sir, we only have normal porn here"

 

[s&wluvr]

How many of these guys are still married to that same woman??? Those jokes were hilarious.

 

[OZZY.40]

How many of these guys are still married to that same woman??? Those jokes were hilarious.

Or, how many will still BE married after posting these jokes? They are very funny so keepin em comin!!

 

[williamsburg]

wife: whats on tv
husband: dust

thats how the fight started


wife:take me someplace expensive
husband:ok
wife:why are we at the gas station

thats how the fight got started

 

[s&wluvr]

Ditto, Ozzie, keep em comin.

 

[ekbarnes]

There's no way a husband would say that to his wife. Unless he is a complete idiot. Can a get an amen?

 

[Yup!]

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

 

[EvilBlackGun]

I'm NOT ogling those girls' boobs and asses ....

... just checking out some of the stuff I never see at home, anymore. (The fight started ...)

 

[Rookie]

You're welcome

 

[one more]

MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!!

 

[AJBB87]

I found the title of this thread + the "handle" of the OP to be hilarious!!!!!