A little creeped out

[steveh_131]

Two days ago my wife called me, and she was pretty upset. She had just gone to pick up my son from his preschool group. It's a small group, there are maybe 10 kids in it. There are 2 teachers and usually 2 assistants (volunteers I think) helping out.

There was an older man working as an assistant that day. She guessed he was about 60. My son is almost 3, and he is extremely affectionate. He hugs everybody he meets, usually more than once.

She was upset because she got there a little early and was watching through the one-way glass while they got the kids ready to leave. The man insisted that my son hug him and give him a kiss on the cheek before he left. My son was frustrated and trying to pull away to leave and didn't want to hug him, but the man was insisting.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. It's unfortunate that in our society it is almost forbidden for a man to work with children. But the simple fact is that it does make me uncomfortable and a little creeped out, especially the way the man was acting. I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm tempted to either pull my son from the school or talk to someone about the man hugging my son. If my son initiated the hugging, then fine...but isn't it strange for the man to be initiating it? And a kiss!? Even the female teachers don't do any of that.

What say you, INGO?

 

[femurphy77]

Spidey senses tingling! If it makes you uncomfortable and a 3 year old doesn't like it then go with your gut. In as polite a way as possible tell him that to avoid any further problems that he isn't to touch your child. If that doesn't work. . . .

 

[Kitty]

Check it out - not just with him but with the school also. When the "creep" meter goes off, I don't usually wait.

I've worked with adults with disabilities who do stuff like this and don't know better but I wouldn't exactly count on that at a school. Talk to the teachers and those who run the school.

 

[ATOMonkey]

You don't force yourself onto children. Asking is ok, insisting is not.

Get him fired. That is 100% UNACCEPTABLE.

If nothing else, confront the guy and let him know in no uncertain terms that his behavior WILL NOT be tolerated at any level.

Let him know that if your kid even suggests that his behavior is at any time inappropriate that you will be filing a law suit against him.

Just pulling your kid out doesn't fix the problem, it just allows him to move on to someone else's child.

 

[sinisterright]

Take nothing for granted. I would inform someone in this situation that you think his approach is making you uneasy. Taking your kid out of the situation would help but would only protect your kid. This guy should be told that this is dangerous territory. He's setting himself up. I would want to be told.

 

[HighStrung]

I'm totally on board with "if your kids not comfortable with it, then you shouldn't be either". My kids (ages 2&3) aren't forced to give hugs and kisses to anyone, even me. If I'm leaving for work, or the grandparents are leaving from their visit, we aways ask, "Time for hugs and kisses, so-and-so is getting ready to leave". If the kids object, I'm not forcing them to do this. Not with grandparents, I don't even force them to give me hugs and kisses, and I would in no way be comfortable with someone else forcing my kids to do that. Hellz No. I'm not saying that there is necessarily something wrong with this older guy, but I'm not saying that there isn't either. I (personal opinion) don't believe forced physical contact is something we should be teaching our kids that they have to tolerate, I wouldn't want it for myself and I won't allow it to happen to my kids. Physical contact as a punishment is a different beast all together, but thats not what this is about so I won't thread jack by getting into that. On the other hand, if your kid happens to absolutely love this guy and your child initiated it, then cool. My daughter loves her preschool teachers and hugs them all the time, which is no big deal to me. But if not and your child is pulling away, then it's got to stop, something isn't right. I also agree that it's an unfair stigma that men cannot work in this type of environment without people questioning some things, but thats the world that we've come to live in.

 

[NovemberKilo]

You absolutely need to speak with the school and let them know that your child is not to be hugged or even physically touched against his/her will.

It is unfortunate, but a lot of elementary teachers now only offer a handshake or a high-five/fist-bump to kids because they don't want to be seen as "overly affectionate."

 

[BarryJaxon]

,Go with your gut man,can`t b to carefull anymore.

 

[ATOMonkey]

Anyone with half a brain and one working eye can tell the difference between a kid initiating affection and the adult initiating affection.

 

[jmiller676]

Spidey senses tingling! If it makes you uncomfortable and a 3 year old doesn't like it then go with your gut. In as polite a way as possible tell him that to avoid any further problems that he isn't to touch your child. If that doesn't work. . . .

Check it out - not just with him but with the school also. When the "creep" meter goes off, I don't usually wait.

I've worked with adults with disabilities who do stuff like this and don't know better but I wouldn't exactly count on that at a school. Talk to the teachers and those who run the school.

You don't force yourself onto children. Asking is ok, insisting is not.

Get him fired. That is 100% UNACCEPTABLE.

If nothing else, confront the guy and let him know in no uncertain terms that his behavior WILL NOT be tolerated at any level.

Let him know that if your kid even suggests that his behavior is at any time inappropriate that you will be filing a law suit against him.

Just pulling your kid out doesn't fix the problem, it just allows him to move on to someone else's child.

Take nothing for granted. I would inform someone in this situation that you think his approach is making you uneasy. Taking your kid out of the situation would help but would only protect your kid. This guy should be told that this is dangerous territory. He's setting himself up. I would want to be told.

I'm totally on board with "if your kids not comfortable with it, then you shouldn't be either". My kids (ages 2&3) aren't forced to give hugs and kisses to anyone, even me. If I'm leaving for work, or the grandparents are leaving from their visit, we aways ask, "Time for hugs and kisses, so-and-so is getting ready to leave". If the kids object, I'm not forcing them to do this. Not with grandparents, I don't even force them to give me hugs and kisses, and I would in no way be comfortable with someone else forcing my kids to do that. Hellz No. I'm not saying that there is necessarily something wrong with this older guy, but I'm not saying that there isn't either. I (personal opinion) don't believe forced physical contact is something we should be teaching our kids that they have to tolerate, I wouldn't want it for myself and I won't allow it to happen to my kids. Physical contact as a punishment is a different beast all together, but thats not what this is about so I won't thread jack by getting into that. On the other hand, if your kid happens to absolutely love this guy and your child initiated it, then cool. My daughter loves her preschool teachers and hugs them all the time, which is no big deal to me. But if not and your child is pulling away, then it's got to stop, something isn't right. I also agree that it's an unfair stigma that men cannot work in this type of environment without people questioning some things, but thats the world that we've come to live in.

You absolutely need to speak with the school and let them know that your child is not to be hugged or even physically touched against his/her will.

It is unfortunate, but a lot of elementary teachers now only offer a handshake or a high-five/fist-bump to kids because they don't want to be seen as "overly affectionate."

,Go with your gut man,can`t b to carefull anymore.

Anyone with half a brain and one working eye can tell the difference between a kid initiating affection and the adult initiating affection.

This

 

[CalebToNowhere]

Yeah, this bothers me. My daughter is almost 18 months and the thought of some creepy old man doing that lights me on fire...!

 

[Westside]

I am going with the group. this is not a good thing. He needs to be sent packing.

 

[steveh_131]

This is pretty good advice. I'm thinking I should speak to an administrator of the school about it, instead of just pulling my own kid. Even if the guy has good intentions, he's going to end up losing his job and/or getting the school in trouble if someone doesn't correct this kind of behavior.

 

[steveh_131]

It makes us especially uneasy because my son, at this point, is unable to effectively communicate much of anything to us. Even his basic needs are a challenge to communicate. I know for certain he wouldn't be able to tell me or understand any of this kind of stuff.

 

[kickbacked]

I would go with your gut and do with what you feel best for your son and family. However i wouldnt go straight to the guy. I would go to whoever is the highest in charge. Hugs and kisses aren't necessarily a bad thing but i do agree that someone whom isnt family or friends shouldnt be doing it to your child. A lot of people in America would be better off now if they had been hugged and kissed as a child though. My little cousin comes over and he is in that stage where he doesnt want to be hugged, but i still give him one. Doesnt mean im a creep ,just that i love him.

 

[mcolford]

Yeah.. There was more control shown than I would have had. At the point of someone forcing affection towards my kid (any adult for that matter), I would have been demanding to speak with some sort of admin. about the issue. If that didnt fix it legal action would follow right behind.

If you want to do a little investigating on your own you may also check the sex and violent offender registry, kind of a long shot, but it would only take a few minutes. If he is on there, its back to the pokey for him.


In summary, get the sh*tbag out of your child's school.

-MColford

 

[rambone]

Maybe he just likes kids?

 

[NovemberKilo]

Maybe he just likes kids?

That's great, but it's pretty apparent that at least one kid doesn't necessarily "like" him.

If some little kid comes running up and bear hugs me, I'll give them the one-armed half-hug.

I would never, in a million years, force someone else's child to hug me or kiss me for any reason. I have a niece and a nephew that I would do anything in the world to protect and as much as I carry them around and play with them, I don't force hugs on them.

 

[FutureButterBar]

You NEED to do something. I would be pounding down the admin's door, but I'm an activist who doesn't think twice to voice my opinion.

 

[JetGirl]

Two days ago my wife called me, and she was pretty upset. She had just gone to pick up my son from his preschool group. It's a small group, there are maybe 10 kids in it. There are 2 teachers and usually 2 assistants (volunteers I think) helping out.

There was an older man working as an assistant that day. She guessed he was about 60. My son is almost 3, and he is extremely affectionate. He hugs everybody he meets, usually more than once.

She was upset because she got there a little early and was watching through the one-way glass while they got the kids ready to leave. The man insisted that my son hug him and give him a kiss on the cheek before he left. My son was frustrated and trying to pull away to leave and didn't want to hug him, but the man was insisting.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. It's unfortunate that in our society it is almost forbidden for a man to work with children. But the simple fact is that it does make me uncomfortable and a little creeped out, especially the way the man was acting. I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm tempted to either pull my son from the school or talk to someone about the man hugging my son. If my son initiated the hugging, then fine...but isn't it strange for the man to be initiating it? And a kiss!? Even the female teachers don't do any of that.

What say you, INGO?

If she was upset enough to call you and relate the whole incident, why didn't she say something to the appropriate people at the time? Or to the assistant/volunteer? Just wondering...