abusive spouse + divorce + leaving home + guns

[jedi]

Some advice please on filing for divorce with an abusive spouse.
A friend from high school lets call her jane is married to John and have 4 little sons. Ages 12 to 6.
John drinks a lot.
John has an ltch.
John owns several handguns.

Jane does not work.
Jane stays at home raise the kids.

John drinks and beats Jane, chocking her many times.
Jane finally got tired of it and wants a divorce.
This had been going on for years. At least 7.

I fear if Jane he might get drunk and with guns involved it may not go well for Jane.
What should she do?

Any info on batter wives trying to leave husband?
Any info of social services up here in nwi she can go to?

 

[chezuki]

Some advice please on filing for divorce with an abusive spouse.
A friend from high school lets call her jane is married to John and have 4 little sons. Ages 12 to 6.
John drinks a lot.
John has an ltch.
John owns several handguns.

Jane does not work.
Jane stays at home raise the kids.

John drinks and beats Jane, chocking her many times.
Jane finally got tired of it and wants a divorce.
This had been going on for years. At least 7.

I fear if Jane he might get drunk and with guns involved it may not go well for Jane.
What should she do?

Any info on batter wives trying to leave husband?
Any info of social services up here in nwi she can go to?

Jane needs to file police reports and get a restraining order. Domestic violence and alcohol abuse are both dis-qualifiers of being a "proper person".

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Is Jane's mom and dad around for a safe haven?

 

[Denny347]

Next time he lays a hand on her, call 911 and he will go to jail. Get a divorce. The resulting PO that he will receive as a condition of his release will prohibit him from contact and possession of firearms. She has to do it, no one can do this for her. Odds are she will not follow through. Sad but true. The local PD might have DV advocates (we do) and they can set her up with assistance and giver her all the support she will require.

 

[churchmouse]

Jane needs to file police reports and get a restraining order. Domestic violence and alcohol abuse are both dis-qualifiers of being a "proper person".

Abuse/alcohol/restraining order spousal will get your junk arrested. Both guns and your package.

 

[robmcguire]

I had a family member go through the same thing , as stated above she MUST file a report and get a restraining order ASAP .. hope some of this helps

 

[Dead Duck]

This guy sounds more like a Dick than a John.

 

[Snapdragon]

There is a battered women and children's shelter very near me in CP called St. Jude. I have a friend who works there. I'll send her a message with this info.

 

[calcot7]

If he doesn't knock it off, things could turn around on him and he might become a "John Doe."

This guy sounds more like a Dick than a John.

 

[Ralphie Parker]

She needs to get out of there fast. Don't let those boys grow up thinking that's normal. I hope Snapdragons help works out. Most churches I know have contact with services like that.

 

[jedi]

Thanks all.
Jane has no contact with her father. He left when we were in grade school.
Jane mom can not be depend on.
So no family to help her per say.
Until this past week none of us, high school friends, even knew or suspected this.
This past year we had noticed she was awol from our functions but she had 'valid' excuses until she final came clean to us.

Snapdragon if you can give me the info that will help.
Jane lives in crown point.
Not sure if she has called police yet.

 

[ModernGunner]

As Denny noted, Jane must take action on her own behalf. Her admission to her friends is a good beginning.

Not knowing how to help oneself is one thing. Failing or refusing to help oneself is tacit admission one is 'satisfied' with the situation at hand, and accepts it.

Empathetic or sympathetic as any and all may be, the fact of the matter is that, as adults, each of us is in charge of our own lives, and the direction it takes.

No one can do this 'for' Jane, however much one may desire to do so. As aptly noted above, aid and assistance is available to Jane. And, obviously, she has friends that anxiously want to help. All these things are tremendous positives for those in Jane's situation, much better than in decades past.

But it is Jane, and Jane alone, that must choose the life she wishes to live. As the old cliche notes, the very definition of "crazy" is doing the same thing day after day, and expecting different results. Jane, as well as all of us, already know this. But very often, do nothing about it, as is easily observed by the number of times folks complain about a situation which they don't like, but take no action to change the outcome.

If ya want different, ya gotta do different. Not 'my' rules, it's just the way it is.

Best wishes for Jane. I sincerely hope she chooses to live a different life.

 

[Bennettjh]

If there is guns around house, can she get one and protect herself and/or the children if the need arises?

 

[1911ly]

As said before. The restraining order is the first step. Yeah it's a worthless piece of paper but it is the first step to get the ball rolling. If she is threatened with weapons that needs to get to a judge ASAP! If he has a LTCH that will get pulled. I know that doesn't do much to stop a disturbed person but it might give him a wake up all.

There is no time to delay any of these options. It needs to happen now! Leave tonight and stay with friends and relatives. Legally start the ball rolling in the morning. Things in this type of situation can go from bad to impossible in a heart beat. I wish her the best of luck! Be there for her. She will need all the help she can get!

 

[PMR]

Jedi there's also the National Abuse Hotline, here's the website 800 number on the home page.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

I hope things work out for Jane.

Pat

 

[Brian Ski]

I had a family member go through the same thing , as stated above she MUST file a report and get a restraining order ASAP .. hope some of this helps

That is the best... The other thing is she must leave. I see many women who file and drop charges and go right back to the guy time and time again. Even after filing a restraining order. Even after they have been beaten many times. Even see them posting their bail to get them back out. I wish her luck.

 

[Snapdragon]

Jedi, I have not heard back from my friend yet, but here's the info for the shelter.

St. Jude House | Family Violence Prevention Center and Shelter

24-Hour Crisis Hotline
(800) 254-1286

General Inquiries
(219) 662-7066

 

[Snapdragon]

OK, here is the info I got. Formatting is screwy because it's Facebook IM.

The abused wife can call any of the shelters and speak with the legal advocate about moving forward with the divorce, getting protective orders and coming up with a safety plan.

The number for St Jude House is 662-7066

She can speak to anyone and get some referrals but it is best to speak with the legal advocate

The legal advocate will come up with a specific safety plan and can help her navigate applying for a protective order. It is important to have all of her important documents in place and ready to grab at a moments notice; birth certs, license and ID

She can also call Haven House in Hammond or Caring Place in Valpo

The legal advocate is only there during the day, but she can talk to any client advisor and get more info.

She can call 24/7 and will speak to a client advisor. We have a list of resources, but it is best that she enter shelter which is a secured building. Even if he knows she is there, we are an alarmed building and if alarm is set off there is law enforcement response.

 

[robmcguire]

I hope everything goes well for your friend !

 

[Hoosier8]

A guy I worked for in the 70's ended up with his sister's kids because her husband broke in and killed her. This can be a real threat and time to get a restraining order and a firearm for self protection.

My daughter did not trust her ex so got a carry license and a handgun. Never been a problem but the guy ended up in the brig for trying to hire someone for a hit.