Adopted people. How's that working out for you?

[churchmouse]

You can look at it this way. That piece of paper that says he adopted you doesn't tie you to him any more than my DNA ties me to my biological parents. We are who we choose to be regardless of who we're connected to, or how we're connected.

I didn't adopt my stepdaughter (and I only ever use that term when it's necessary for clarification, like now), and I'm the only father she has ever known, and I consider her my daughter just the same as all the rest. And she considers me to be her father, regardless of DNA. I'm her dad, and she's my daughter, and it's just that simple. It's a bond forged out of love and caring, and genes or a piece of paper wouldn't make it any stronger.

And as to the last paragraph I agree and salute you sir.

In my situation I came with the package. Born out of wedlock in 1950. That was a serious in that time. I was the oldest of 5 kids and noticed very early that they were very different from me. My step dads relatives treated me almost with distain and the ones that did care still treated me differently. So when my Mom finally broke down and filled me in at the ripe young age of 14 it became pretty clear to me why. But I was made promise not to tell anyone our secret. Kind of idiotic as my siblings were the only ones that did not know. Step dad was nowhere to be found for that conversation. You said love and caring. Nope. NADA. No real bond was ever established.

I had to wait until my Mother passed to get my real birth certificate. She refused to share that info with me. Told my spouse it was none of my business. I had to near threaten step dad to get the papers. And he was pissed about it. Some people just basically suck.

I did find my birth father but never met him. Never cared to actually.

 

[Mr. Habib]

There were two theories on this, probably from arseholes who considered themselves experts. Tell them early on, when they are old enough to understand, or never tell them.

EDIT: I want to expand on this. I probably should have made it clearer at the outset. I was born in 1964, and the prevailing thought (from self-proclaimed "experts") back then was that adoptees should never be told. My wife was born in 1972, and by then the "experts" had decided that kids should be told as soon as they're old enough to understand. So, I grew up not knowing, and my wife grew up knowing from a very young age.

You can look at it this way. That piece of paper that says he adopted you doesn't tie you to him any more than my DNA ties me to my biological parents. We are who we choose to be regardless of who we're connected to, or how we're connected.

I didn't adopt my stepdaughter (and I only ever use that term when it's necessary for clarification, like now), and I'm the only father she has ever known, and I consider her my daughter just the same as all the rest. And she considers me to be her father, regardless of DNA. I'm her dad, and she's my daughter, and it's just that simple. It's a bond forged out of love and caring, and genes or a piece of paper wouldn't make it any stronger.

I've known since I was little. Never cared. Never looked for blood relatives as I'm just not interested.

I was born in '61, my parents told my when I was young, about 5 or so. My adopted parents are the only ones I've ever known. I never looked for my biological family, though I have my original birth certificate. I have raised my "step" daughters for most of their lives. I was ask by both of them to adopt them as adults about a year ago. Most people can conceive a child. Some children are blessed to be chosen by their parents. Only a very few parents get to be chosen by their children. I'm blessed beyond words to have experienced all three.

 

[ashby koss]

My wife and I are both discarded humans....

As an adopted child of early 1980’s. I highly disagree with the sentiment in this.

otherwise the biggest issue that has come up is not having any knowledge of genetic/ family history.

 

[Sigblaster]

My wife and I are both discarded humans

As an adopted child of early 1980’s. I highly disagree with the sentiment in this.

otherwise the biggest issue that has come up is not having any knowledge of genetic/ family history.

That was just a little dark humor on my part. I didn't mean to offend.

I agree with your point about genetic/family history. That knowledge might have saved me from my heart attack.

 

[Bennettjh]

My wife and I went the adoption route. Has truly been a blessing. He’ll be 4 in December. We plan on telling him everything when he’s old enough to understand.

4?!?! Geez. I remember when you posted pictures of him as a baby.

 

[churchmouse]

4?!?! Geez. I remember when you posted pictures of him as a baby.

Me too. What a great looking young man.

 

[The Bubba Effect]

I don't want to go too far into my family's business in public, but I feel compelled to say this:

I cannot think of anything that is more truly representative of love, kindness and the very best of humanity than when confronted with a child who needs someone, claiming that child as your own and raising them with love and dedication.

 

[Sigblaster]

I don't want to go too far into my family's business in public, but I feel compelled to say this:

I cannot think of anything that is more truly representative of love, kindness and the very best of humanity than when confronted with a child who needs someone, claiming that child as your own and raising them with love and dedication.

My Mom is the most kind, generous, and loving person I have ever met, except for my wife, who is equally awesome, because she accepted me as a fully-grown adult. Apparently my Mom did something right.

When I told my Mom that I found out I was adopted, she broke down crying, and apologizing. She told me that she never treated me other than if I was her own, and I told her I knew that, and I was surprised that she didn't try to return me for a refund when I was a teenager, because I was a real pain in the arse, and nobody would have blamed her. That broke the mood, and we had a good conversation about how I was better off with her, as someone who wanted me, than with someone who didn't. It was a minor blip, and we're probably better off that I found out later in life.

I mean, if I had known from a young age, I might have been able to try to blame my idiotic behavior on some sort of reaction to being adopted. As it turned out, I had no one to blame for the stupid things I've done but myself. And that's the way it should be, right?

 

[Hoosierkav]

We made the adoption of our kids as part of their identity--we believe the adoption was a gift from God, so why keep it a secret? We celebrate their "gotcha day" (even sing the same silly song we sang when they were little kids).

The eldest has met the birth parents, and after more than a dozen years, seeing that they haven't changed much from the situation that got the kids put into the foster care system, she's realized a few things... that maybe me and my wife weren't so bad after all

My older sisters were also adopted (they aren't related otherwise)--both have met their birth moms; one sister keeps her around as an acquaintance, the other one said, "Well, thanks for giving birth to me, but I don't have much need for you in my life, so, nice to meet you and goodbye".

 

[lovemachine]

4?!?! Geez. I remember when you posted pictures of him as a baby.

Yep. Time goes way too fast.

Me too. What a great looking young man.

I’m glad he doesn’t look like me

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

My sister in law was unable to carry one to term, and they did try. So, they went the adoption way. I think she knew the right people or magic spells, but she got both buns warm from the oven. I don't know the chronology from there, but they grew up knowing, and it was the birth families that had the decision whether to connect. I've met both families since, and they're great people, the girls could have done a lot worse. They were just young married couples that didn't think they could provide the support. Each of my nieces hangs out with their birth parents from time to time, it's just wound up being a couple of bigger families.

 

[edporch]

I was born in the mid 50's and was adopted soon after being born.
My parents were great and put up with my BS much more than I deserved, and gave me a great life growing up with advantages i would've never had if I'd stayed with my 14 year old birthmom.
They're both passed now and I miss them all the time.

It was a court sealed adoption and nobody was to ever know where I came from.

I was told I was adopted by the time I started school.

My mom said she insisted to my dad that I would be told so I'd never find out from somebody else.
She knew kids who'd found at from the other kids and it really messed them up.

It DID **** me off that even when I became of age, I was told I didn't have a right to know where I came from.
But regardless of this BS, at around 40 years old, I found somebody who could get my birth records, and even my original Birth Certificate.

Though my birthmom and I have no relationship of any kind because her husband won't allow it, I have made several positive connections with her siblings and other people on the maternal side.

I've made no contact with the paternal side, because my birthfather was a POS who died many years ago.
The surviving members of his family are from my hometown and I grew up knowing who they are (had no idea they were my blood), and I have no interest in knowing them.

Overall, I'm glad I didn't give up on the search.