Confessions of a single gungirl- Dating

[gungirl65]

Somewhere in all this chaos I might like to meet someone, after all misery loves company, right? I sure would appreciate others filling me in on the rules and the scams of dating. What should I look out for and be aware of?

Someone once told me that because I am a good person I mistakenly believe that everyone else is a good person too. It makes me too trusting and vulnerable. When I was married I was sheltered from most of the evils of the world. Now I have to fight my own demons and keep them from the door.

I am naïve. I had no idea so many people lie and only care about themselves. My love life has definitely been the stuff sitcoms are made of.

I used to think that I made bad dating decisions, but I realized that most of my bad decisions chose me. I didn't actively or consciously chose them. I was just weak and fell in love with their charm. I didn't necessarily condone their flaws but I didn't make an issue of them either. Their flaws were not mine to judge so I tried not to.

The problem is that I wasn't actively fishing. I just talked to whoever talked to me. This obviously hasn't worked out well or I wouldn't be whining to all of you.

I have a weird schedule. I work second shift so late nights and weekends are my only real free times. I have no time to actively meet single, normal, eligible men. That is if they even exist.

So I got this bright idea to try online dating. I thought it was a great idea since I could choose exactly what I was looking for or at least weed out the guys that wouldn't be interested in me or my lifestyle.

I carry a gun and rescue animals. These are my two main quirks that guys need to get over if they want to date me. I am also only 5’ tall. Some guys have hang ups about height. Go figure.

I had read somewhere what a great site POF was for meeting nice people. Let me just say, they lied. I turned my profile off after the first couple weeks because it was so overwhelming. Now it is time to try again. I have my profile all friend zoned up just to keep the traffic down. I am trying to get up the nerve to rewrite it and actively fish.

I see a whole new thread regarding the horrors of online dating. Although I must admit it has offered me lots of comic relief to share with my girlfriends.

What are other singles doing? Are there any good, free online dating sites? How do you meet normal people in a busy world? What are the lines to watch out for? How do I identify the lies? Why is it so hard to meet happy, well adjusted, middle aged men?

 

[smokingman]

I can only give you the advise of my great grandfather.

Do not look for love,romance,or outward beauty.Look for a friend that makes you smile and who enjoys being around you.
When you find your best friend marry her.
He and my great grandmother where married over 70 years(he lived to be 102,she lived to be 98).

So I guess my advise is to widen your group of friends and do not even think about finding mr right or mr forever,and just enjoy life.

 

[Birds Away]

I didn't realize how many selfish people there are in the world until I started dating after my divorce. People suck, dating sucks, I threw in the towel. That's all I got. Good luck.

 

[Vigilant]

Pro tip #1. If he asks if this smells like chloroform, it does!

 

[1911ly]

I am single 5 years after being loosing my wife to cancer. Before then I was divorce. I had a few relationships in between.

I am clueless about dating in the day and age. I met my late wife on line. I met several girls on line before I met my wife. One was a user. Another was just friggen crazy. Then I met my wife. We were opposites in a lot of ways but we made it work.

I have sort of became acclimated to being single now. I am 52. I don't know what the future holds. Best I can say is when the time is right it will happen. I usually was single for around 2 years between relationships. It always gave me time to clear my head and make sure I was over the previous. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[shibumiseeker]

Online dating is fraught, but the good news is that if you live in an urban area there is a lot of choice. Being a woman your biggest problem will be the initial weeding out of the guys who just use the shotgun approach to spam everyone who sounds female. Guys have the opposite problem, women rarely respond to guys. Learn early to just weed the spammer type people out without responding. If you take the initiative and actually contact the guys who seem interesting to you you'll have more success.

Second, have a trusted friend help write your profile. The more you put in it the better.

Third, many people are perfectly nice when they are trying to get what they want from you. How someone handles themselves when they don't get what they want tells far more about their character. Far fewer people handle this well.

Lastly, always have someone you trust, preferably a guy friend, look over profiles and responses you get.

If you date always do so in a public place the first few times and be clear you will be going home alone after. Make sure someone knows where you are going and with as much information on who with as possible. Have a check in with them after.

That's my primary advice for online dating. Far better is to get involved with in-person activities you enjoy where you can vet people directly and through the community before you consider dating them. If you take initiative to ask guys out on a date you will be ahead of the curve. If you wait for guys to approach you then all you will get are the ones who decide to approach you, and the odds are greater that the ones who do that are going to be players or users.

 

[chef larry]

I have found only two questions to see if a relationship will work out are. 1) Do you have fun with the other person? 2) Do you trust them? Communication is the most importation part of a relationship. I agree with Smokingman and the statement of not looking for him. Hope you find what you are looking for and take your time. Will be married to my second wife for 26 years in May. Only regret is, wish I would have met her sooner.

 

[femurphy77]

You have my sympathy! Divorced after 23 years myself and wasn't particularly interested in "getting back in circulation" but didn't know how to meet "Miss Right". I popped off to a co-worker one day about helping me find a good woman and the rest is history. Moral to the story I guess might be networking??

 

[KittySlayer]

Leave the house! Mr. Right (and hopefully Mr. Wrong) are not going to walk up to your front door and ask you out on a date.

When you leave the house look nice, this includes that quick trip to grab a gallon of milk. Not made up and dressed for a date, but not wearing sweats and a stained T shirt and a hat because you haven't washed your hair for two days. You never know when you will run into potential date material or a friend that may want to introduce you to someone.

Ask men out. There are plenty of guys that are too shy or may not know you are available.

Don't worry about your height, my lovely wife is only 5' tall too. Their hands should not be touching your gun on a first date either so put that worry off until later.

Finally be safe and keep your situational awareness. Don't give out your home address. Meet in public places. Listen to your Spidey senses.

Oh yeah, have Fun! Smile, enjoy life and have a good time. Not every date will be someone you want to marry but you can still enjoy the date and might even end up with a friend that isn't necessarily a romantic interest.

 

[SEIndSAM]

Also, Dating sites are like anything else. Free sites suck, you get what you pay for. Your going to have to pony up a little money and get on a pay site. People that are paying to be on the site are serious. And also you have to approach it like work, your going to get out of it what you put into it.


I met the love of my life after 6 months on a couple of pay sites and a bunch of dates, we just had our 7th anniversary and it get's better every year.

 

[SSGSAD]

Also, there is NOTHING WRONG with having a friend go with you. Have him or her sit at another table, far enough away, but close enough for an "emergency" ..... Protect yourself, at ALL COST..... Don't become a victim .....

 

[gungirl65]

Also, Dating sites are like anything else. Free sites suck, you get what you pay for. Your going to have to pony up a little money and get on a pay site. People that are paying to be on the site are serious. And also you have to approach it like work, your going to get out of it what you put into it.


I met the love of my life after 6 months on a couple of pay sites and a bunch of dates, we just had our 7th anniversary and it get's better every year.

I guess I just have a mental block about paying to get a date. I'm attractive and well adjusted, I shouldn't have to pay to find someone special. I get offers on a regular basis just not from the right kind of guys. I'm more than a play thing.

I'm not a superficial girl, I would just like to find someone intelligent, well adjusted, happy, honest and hard working. Why are those traits so hard to find? Looks are secondary. I would much rather date a beautiful heart.

 

[ModernGunner]

Should be easy enough for you. Girls with guns are 'hawt'! Girls with lots of guns are 'hawter'!

There is no 'Mr. Right' (or Ms. Right). We all have our flaws, faults, and idiosyncrasies. It's not if we can find someone who's 'perfect', it's if we find someone with whom we can live with their faults.

'Searching' doesn't appear to work, generally speaking. Being 'open' to being 'found' appears to be way it works. There's time, so no 'timeline' required. JMO, it's better to 'bump into' the love of our life in 6 months, or a year, or 5 years from now than to 'find' a person that isn't 'right now'.

But, if we're not 'open' and made ourselves available to that opportunity, it may well walk right in, then right back out the door without our ever realizing it.

The biggest opportunities, the biggest 'deals' we all miss are the ones we never know about, because we weren't 'open' to them at the moment they presented themselves.

 

[7urtle]

Also, Dating sites are like anything else. Free sites suck, you get what you pay for. Your going to have to pony up a little money and get on a pay site. People that are paying to be on the site are serious. And also you have to approach it like work, your going to get out of it what you put into it.


I met the love of my life after 6 months on a couple of pay sites and a bunch of dates, we just had our 7th anniversary and it get's better every year.

ive had better luck with free sites. the paid ones keep matching me with crazy cat ladies

Should be easy enough for you. Girls with guns are 'hawt'! Girls with lots of guns are 'hawter'!


.

i found a lot of guys who were anti gun

 

[Indyhd]

I'm not a superficial girl, I would just like to find someone intelligent, well adjusted, happy, honest and hard working. Why are those traits so hard to find? Looks are secondary. I would much rather date a beautiful heart.[/QUOTE]


Those are the traits that most women are looking for, that's why you hear ladies saying "All the good one are taken."

Don't think your height is an issue, as I know many guys who like petite women.

Put yourself out there with friends, as they have friends, who also have friends. There are a lot of single guys out there, and many of them are not actively looking because they too are also tired of the game playing.
Just be yourself and your inner beauty will shine through and someone worthwhile will take notice. A great personality, and positive attitude are something that sticks out well before a gorgeous face and killer body. Most guys would rather date MaryAnn than Ginger any day.

Keep that positive attitude and a great guy will turn up, you'll see.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

You never know where you'll find your next spouse. A friend of mine at work had been married for decades before losing his wife to an illness. A couple of years later, (just about 2 days ago as a matter of fact), he married a woman that was a childhood friend (way back). They didn't know each other were available or even interested in each other until some friends/family members hooked them up. My best friend from high school found his current wife on-line, from one of those free sites. Oh...my brother is available. He likes guns...and animals. He's a coule of years older than you...but he lives in Tennessee--that might be a bit of a problem.

 

[Bunnykid68]

Online dating is fraught, but the good news is that if you live in an urban area there is a lot of choice. Being a woman your biggest problem will be the initial weeding out of the guys who just use the shotgun approach to spam everyone who sounds female. Guys have the opposite problem, women rarely respond to guys. Learn early to just weed the spammer type people out without responding. If you take the initiative and actually contact the guys who seem interesting to you you'll have more success.

Second, have a trusted friend help write your profile. The more you put in it the better.

Third, many people are perfectly nice when they are trying to get what they want from you. How someone handles themselves when they don't get what they want tells far more about their character. Far fewer people handle this well.

Lastly, always have someone you trust, preferably a guy friend, look over profiles and responses you get.

If you date always do so in a public place the first few times and be clear you will be going home alone after. Make sure someone knows where you are going and with as much information on who with as possible. Have a check in with them after.

That's my primary advice for online dating. Far better is to get involved with in-person activities you enjoy where you can vet people directly and through the community before you consider dating them. If you take initiative to ask guys out on a date you will be ahead of the curve. If you wait for guys to approach you then all you will get are the ones who decide to approach you, and the odds are greater that the ones who do that are going to be players or users.

This is the best advice Ive seen so far.

 

[Bunnykid68]

And stop being a crazy cat lady

 

[RedneckReject]

ive had better luck with free sites. the paid ones keep matching me with crazy cat ladies

This (although we kind of are crazy cat people around here).

I met the love of my life on a free site. We started as friends and it grew from there. Now we have two little girls and, although we have our disagreements, we couldn't be happier.

Give it time. I spent so long searching for someone. Because I was actively looking it seemed like I always ended up with the wrong ones. I was just so happy to be in a relationship again that I looked past some of the things that would turn out to be detrimental to the relationship. Finally I quit looking. I gave up. But this one weirdo kept messaging me. I said I wasn't interested. Still the messages didn't stop. Finally I gave in and said we could meet up just to hang out. And I'm oh so glad I did.

My point is that often times when you stop looking (which admittedly is easier said than done) only then will you find what you've been waiting for. In the mean time, get out into the community. Take a class or volunteer someplace. Be around other people who share a common interest. When the time is right, it will happen

 

[Sylvain]

This (although we kind of are crazy cat people around here).

I met the love of my life on a free site. We started as friends and it grew from there. Now we have two little girls and, although we have our disagreements, we couldn't be happier.

Give it time. I spent so long searching for someone. Because I was actively looking it seemed like I always ended up with the wrong ones. I was just so happy to be in a relationship again that I looked past some of the things that would turn out to be detrimental to the relationship. Finally I quit looking. I gave up. But this one weirdo kept messaging me. I said I wasn't interested. Still the messages didn't stop. Finally I gave in and said we could meet up just to hang out. And I'm oh so glad I did.

My point is that often times when you stop looking (which admittedly is easier said than done) only then will you find what you've been waiting for. In the mean time, get out into the community. Take a class or volunteer someplace. Be around other people who share a common interest. When the time is right, it will happen

It's easier to find something when you're not loking for it sometimes.