Drama filled life...Am I only one?

[CHCRandy]

First off, I hate putting stuff like this on this board, but honestly...this place has a lot of wisdom and people I can trust.

The Latest Chapter in Randy's World. I love living life as drama free as possible. But to the chase of it. Little while back you guys may have read the post where I was dealing with my daughters heroin addict boyfriend, who gave her heroin and I found out. Well he finally OD'd and died yesterday after getting out of jail. I originally tried blaming him and still do, for her problems...but many people told me the problem was hers to own...and I agree. Well fast forward to yesterday before he died. His father texted my daughter and told her if his son makes a recovery she is to never show her face near them again. Well, that's all fine and well, he is a grieving father. Then after he died the father sent my daughter several texts saying it was her fault, she should have died not him, all kinds of hateful things. Then this morning he sent her the same kind of text, while she was at work. She was working when he OD'd but alerted the parents after not hearing from him.

She has already been crying for 3 days, is a nervous wreck, says she wishes she had died instead, etc. Then his texts just drive her right to the edge. I am honestly starting to worry about her. I know she told a friend she wishes she could just die. So I have a 2 prong question.

First and most important, how do you know if someone is suicidal or just grieving?

Secondly, How do I handle this kids father? He is grieving but I have had enough of his ****. I am ready to go over to his house and settle it the old fashion way, but I know he is grieving and that wouldn't be good. My other option is I am going to the Sheriff's department and telling them what is going on and going to request they tell his father to knock it off. For now she is blocking his texts but I think the damage is done. What a mess huh?

If you are the praying type, we could use em!

 

[T.Lex]

First, prayers for you and your family.

Second, I have no insight into your first question other than I haven't figured it out, either. As to your second question, get his number from your daughter, text him that you are handling your family's business and he'd better leave her The F*** alone. Sorry for his loss, but he'd better tend to his own s*** right now.

I can't say that's what I'd do, but that's what I'd seriously consider doing.

 

[Woobie]

I would say if you're having trouble discerning whether she is grieving or suicidal, then there is too much at stake to bet it is one or the other. I would try to get her to at least a grief counselor or someone who can gently guide her along and get her the help she needs. If that professional isn't the right one to help her, they probably know the right one.

This is really challenging stuff. We'll pray for you.

 

[Birds Away]

First, prayers for you and your family.

Second, I have no insight into your first question other than I haven't figured it out, either. As to your second question, get his number from your daughter, text him that you are handling your family's business and he'd better leave her The F*** alone. Sorry for his loss, but he'd better tend to his own s*** right now.

I can't say that's what I'd do, but that's what I'd seriously consider doing.

I'm sure the father is hurting and lashing out. Perhaps you could say this but much more diplomatically.

 

[spec4]

I would block his texting and show the texts to the sheriff. I would also seek a restraining order preventing the father from contacting your daughter.

I would NOT confront the father unless he invades you or your daughters space. Too bad about his losing a son, but IMO you and your daughter had nothing to do with it.

 

[Expat]

Prayer sent for you and yours.

I won't give you any advice on the rest as there seem to be cooler heads here than mine...

 

[HoughMade]

Prayers in a difficult situation.

She should block his number immediately. She should not attend the funeral and have no contact with his family. Rip that band-aid off and cut any ties now.

 

[indiucky]

Prayers in a difficult situation.

She should block his number immediately. She should not attend the funeral and have no contact with his family. Rip that band-aid off and cut any ties now.

This....

Prayers upward bound....

 

[rvb]

His father texted my daughter ... the father sent my daughter several texts ...this morning he sent her the same kind of text,

1. you reply to the text "This is ---'s father. we're sorry for your loss. we are trying to deal with the situation as best we can. you're texts are not helpful. it would be best if we don't hear from you again."

2. block #, change #s, etc.

3. if it goes past cyber world, then look to harassment charges. and prepare to defend yourself.

4. going to the fight is never smart if you are a pistol packing man (legally, you defending yourself will look like you went to kill him).

as to the other, you asked for prayers. so do you have a church? with a youth group or youth leader? someone she can talk to w/o concern of being ratted to police, judged, etc etc? what about friends (who are NOT users)?

I agree she is not to go to funeral, etc.

Time for a family vacation? Get away for a week? take her somewhere she loves (beach, Disney, etc)?

-rvb

 

[femurphy77]

Father to father "talk".

 

[Thor]

Parents will always blame the children of others.

Don't know the situation but make sure you've looked in the mirror before looking out the window.

Had a similar issue in HS though it didn't involve hard drugs. It was educational to watch all sets of parents blame the other offspring involved. Truth was we were all to blame.

 

[patience0830]

Cooler heads must prevail to limit further stupidity. If his dad had been more involved, perhaps this wouldn't have come to this. Hard to say for sure, and it would be unfair to a grieving father to bring it up in that fashion. One of those cases where just because you know the truth, it doesn't mean you have to use it to hurt people. Lashing out when one is in pain is part for the course and very difficult to mitigate gently from the receiving end. Especially when your children are involved.
We'll be praying for you and your daughter that you can get through this without further destruction in your lives.

 

[longbow]

Prayers and give it time.

She needs to tell him to stop and If he doesn't you should them tell him the same. if the dad doesn't stop in a week or two then share it with the police.

I'd keep a close eye on your daughter and get her help if she needs it. Distraction and diversion will also help.

We all have drama, my family has also had its share over the years.

 

[patience0830]

Prays and give it time.

She needs to tell him to stop and If he doesn't you should them tell him the same. if the dad doesn't stop in a week or two then share it with the police.

I'd keep a close eye on your daughter and get her help if she needs it. Distraction and diversion will also help.

We we all have drama, my family has also had its share over the years.

I almost used your name in vain, Longbow, when he asked if anyone had drama in their life.

Opioid addicts in my family scene too so i get his pain in a personal fashion.

 

[87iroc]

I agree with the block number and get her away. Build a wall so to speak to limit future emotional damage and then focus on your daughters grief. His choice was his choice. I hope it doesn't drive your daughter to drugs to cope.

 

[rob63]

Prayers sent. There is no way to tell if someone is suicidal, they will go to great lengths to hide it. Get her help! If you don't know where to begin, contact your family doctor, they will be able to make things happen.

 

[MCgrease08]

Ignore the father. Engaging with him will only validate his agressiveness and cause it to continue.

As to your daughter, if she were my kid I would get her to Valle Vista in Greenwood immediately. It's a drug treatment center and mental health facility. She can meet with a crisis counselor for a few hours and they will lead the discussion about treatment. Most likely they will recommend that She admit herself for the heroin addiction if nothing else.

If she is making comments about harming herself you cannot risk her turning toward heroin again.

https://www.vallevistahospital.com

 

[Alamo]

I don't know what to do about your daughter, but McGrease08's advice sounds good.

As for the other father, I vote for 1) have your daughter (she's legally an adult, right?) text him to cease all contact. 2) Immediately block all texts/calls from him 3) report his texts to the cops.

I doubt the cops will or can do anything right now, but be on record as the complainant in case the other father decides to carry his nonsense (and that's putting it politely) any further. For damn sure if he tries to make any personal contact go to the cops.

You might want to discuss this with your lawyer, and if you don't have one, line one up.


I'm sorry his kid is dead, that's a heavy burden for a parent, but blaming everyone else for what his kid did is on par with those mama's blaming the cops/store clerk/etc for their kid getting shot while robbing someone. It's not grief, it's deflecting guilt onto someone else.

 

[JettaKnight]

Father to father "talk".

It sounds like the he's a father only in the technical sense. However, perhaps the loss is clouding his judgement. (more than usual?)

Ignore the father. Engaging with him will only validate his agressiveness and cause it to continue.

As to your daughter, if she were my kid I would get her to Valle Vista in Greenwood immediately. It's a drug treatment center and mental health facility. She can meet with a crisis counselor for a few hours and they will lead the discussion about treatment. Most likely they will recommend that She admit herself for the heroin addiction if nothing else.

If she is making comments about harming herself you cannot risk her turning toward heroin again.[/QUOTE]
This sounds like a prudent course of action.

 

[historian]

Get her help. Make sure she doesn't cope with drugs or self harm. If she isn't at work, keep close by so that she doesn't have the opportunity to do something rash.

As for the dad, the cooler heads above are right. Keep it blocked and keep her away from the situation.