Elder abuse

[Crbn79]

Post your stories of family abusing the elderly so that we all can learn. I have discovered it is more common then I thought. I heard this one yesterday. Charging $2,000 to travel 225 miles to deal with banking issues in another state. The most common is the abuse of power of attorney.

I know of several cases. One spent up $250k, and sold his Grandma's house.

 

[ModernGunner]

I get 'abused' by my wife all the time!

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

I get 'abused' by my wife all the time!

Lucky dog.

 

[halfmileharry]

My dad was in a nursing home where they sedated ALL the patients on his wing. They had about 50 drooling and near catatonic people in the halls in wheel chairs.
I saw bruises on my dad's arms, his clothing and possessions stolen, neglected with waste on him, bedding not changed, and CNAs not giving a damn just chatting and killing time on permanent "smoke breaks".
I raised hell with the administrator, got an attitude, and my father died a couple of weeks later from being given the wrong medications.

 

[patience0830]

I get 'abused' by my wife all the time!

Sure beats self abuse.

 

[ModernGunner]

Sure beats self abuse.

I see what ya did there!

Yessir, it sure DOES!

 

[pack-indy]

My dad was in a nursing home where they sedated ALL the patients on his wing. They had about 50 drooling and near catatonic people in the halls in wheel chairs.
I saw bruises on my dad's arms, his clothing and possessions stolen, neglected with waste on him, bedding not changed, and CNAs not giving a damn just chatting and killing time on permanent "smoke breaks".
I raised hell with the administrator, got an attitude, and my father died a couple of weeks later from being given the wrong medications.

Please tell me you filed a complaint to the state department of health and got an attorney.

 

[halfmileharry]

Yep. They changed the laws a few years back as to how many patients were assigned to a nurse. ONE nurse to take care of all these people on the wing. That's why they stuffed the little pills in applesauce so they will be "manageable" and less work for the understaffed personnel.
It's pretty apparent that the old will be cast aside and left in poor facilities. The laws benefit the Corporate Owners. When the corporations get shut down or fined by the State then they do the Paperwork shuffle to show new ownership. Just a simple name change on a sign is pretty close to all it takes to continue business as usual.

 

[pack-indy]

Yep. They changed the laws a few years back as to how many patients were assigned to a nurse. ONE nurse to take care of all these people on the wing. That's why they stuffed the little pills in applesauce so they will be "manageable" and less work for the understaffed personnel.
It's pretty apparent that the old will be cast aside and left in poor facilities. The laws benefit the Corporate Owners. When the corporations get shut down or fined by the State then they do the Paperwork shuffle to show new ownership. Just a simple name change on a sign is pretty close to all it takes to continue business as usual.

Yes and no. Yes to some companies selling out and opening under new names and care areas sometimes. No, to why applesauce is used. The applesauce is generally used in conjunction with crushed medications for patients who have swallowing issues (aphasias) due to strokes, cognitive impairments or other brain injuries typically. Long term care facilities (aka nursing homes) are the second most regulated industry in the country behind nuclear power. From working in the field, I have seen this to be both good and bad. The good part is that the State Department of Health can come in anytime there is a complaint (unannounced) and investigate family/resident complaints...usually voiced through a hotline system. Facilities also undergo a state survey process where they come in annually unannounced and plant 5 state department of health nurses in the building for about 7-10 days straight. The surveyors job is to find deficiencies through a process of chart reviews (both current and discharged patients), interviews with patients and families, interviews/interrogations of staff members and direct visual observation of care (watching medications be passed, wound dressing changes etc.). The downside to such strict regulations however, actually takes away from the care of the patients. For example, lets say Sally is in room #1 and she needs to move to room #2. I can only move Sally only if a. she is a direct threat to herself or others b. it is a medical necessity or c. if she requests a move. Before I can move her, I must: call her family and speak with them about it, document the conversation in the progress notes, tell her/make sure she is ok with moving, call the new roommates family and tell them that Sally is moving in, show Sally her new room and document that, take introduce Sally to her new roommate and document that, move sally and document that, then I have to follow up and document on not only Sally, but also her new roommate for 72hrs to be sure that there is no psychosocial distress from the room move for either of them. I also have provide Sally and her family with the opportunity to meet with our staff 48hrs prior to the move in case they have questions regarding the move, fill out a form and have Sally/her family sign it and scan that into her electronic chart. So, as you can see, everything is a process (which generally involves paperwork that takes time away from direct care). Sally is just 1 person on my caseload of 75+ people. Regulations can be good, but in long term care facilities it can often not only be a nuisance...it can actually be harmful. This description is just a glimpse of what we have to deal with though. If you want to hear about a real cluster ****, ask me about justifying anti-psychotic medications to a state surveyor despite having an appropriate diagnosis and physician's order for its use

 

[rob63]

Very sorry to hear all of the stories, it is just so sad.

We often bash lawyers and the government, me included, but having went through the experience of having my mother's health decline to the point that there was no alternative to putting her in a nursing home let me advise anyone facing similar circumstances that hiring an attorney that is well-versed in elder law and using the power of the government to see to it that your loved one receives the proper care is worth every penny! Things that supposedly were simply not possible suddenly became doable once the attorney was involved, it was like magic.

 

[pack-indy]

^ glad you had a good experience. You are right, having an elder law attorney can make a huge difference for many people. One of the hardest things to see is a situation where an attorney is needed, but there is no sufficient financial support to hire one.

 

[halfmileharry]

Yes and no. Yes to some companies selling out and opening under new names and care areas sometimes. No, to why applesauce is used. The applesauce is generally used in conjunction with crushed medications for patients who have swallowing issues (aphasias) due to strokes, cognitive impairments or other brain injuries typically. Long term care facilities (aka nursing homes) are the second most regulated industry in the country behind nuclear power. From working in the field, I have seen this to be both good and bad. The good part is that the State Department of Health can come in anytime there is a complaint (unannounced) and investigate family/resident complaints...usually voiced through a hotline system. Facilities also undergo a state survey process where they come in annually unannounced and plant 5 state department of health nurses in the building for about 7-10 days straight. The surveyors job is to find deficiencies through a process of chart reviews (both current and discharged patients), interviews with patients and families, interviews/interrogations of staff members and direct visual observation of care (watching medications be passed, wound dressing changes etc.). The downside to such strict regulations however, actually takes away from the care of the patients. For example, lets say Sally is in room #1 and she needs to move to room #2. I can only move Sally only if a. she is a direct threat to herself or others b. it is a medical necessity or c. if she requests a move. Before I can move her, I must: call her family and speak with them about it, document the conversation in the progress notes, tell her/make sure she is ok with moving, call the new roommates family and tell them that Sally is moving in, show Sally her new room and document that, take introduce Sally to her new roommate and document that, move sally and document that, then I have to follow up and document on not only Sally, but also her new roommate for 72hrs to be sure that there is no psychosocial distress from the room move for either of them. I also have provide Sally and her family with the opportunity to meet with our staff 48hrs prior to the move in case they have questions regarding the move, fill out a form and have Sally/her family sign it and scan that into her electronic chart. So, as you can see, everything is a process (which generally involves paperwork that takes time away from direct care). Sally is just 1 person on my caseload of 75+ people. Regulations can be good, but in long term care facilities it can often not only be a nuisance...it can actually be harmful. This description is just a glimpse of what we have to deal with though. If you want to hear about a real cluster ****, ask me about justifying anti-psychotic medications to a state surveyor despite having an appropriate diagnosis and physician's order for its use

I'm glad to hear these things are regulated and you seem versed in procedures.
I spent about 10 hours a day with my dad after seeing how things worked at the 2 facilities he stayed at until they doped him with the wrong drugs AFTER we'd had a meeting with the Administrator and 2 of the nurses. The second meeting with their staff was nothing but an argument showing them that he could NOT have those drugs he was given. He died right after that.
From what I've seen from my view is that there should still be firing squads and those be televised.
I pray you have compassion for our elderly and aren't associated with the failures I've seen here.
I still have my mom alive and I keep close watch on her. I can guarantee you things will NOT be the same with her.
Please keep close watch over your loved ones if they're in someone else's care. Trust me on this....NO ONE ELSE GIVES A DAMN about your loved ones.
You know the old saying...."IF I don't do it then who will?" It distinctly applies here.

 

[hoosierdoc]

Problem is we ask others to care for our loved ones as we would, and really it's just a job to them. We do it with the love we have for our family member, they do it because they are paid to. You cannot pay anyone enough to give the care a loving and doting family member would. Especially when it's a Medicaid facility or other charity care setup.

If you have family at a facility, visit frequently at various shift times. Learn the emiployee names and try not to ever become irate with them. Bring them food, Christmas gifts, etc. it seems like you shouldn't have to do that, but why wouldn't you do little things that may result in Better care for your loved one? They get yelled at by everyone else's family. Try to be the smiling face and understand the issue for what it is.

 

[Libertarian01]

To All,

I had friends go through a similar experience to JetGirl, only with them it was her father. He had remarried and lived an inconvenient distance away. My friend (his daughter) visited as regularly as she could and all seemed fine. Then one day when his dementia was worse (not one day literally, over time) the new wife put him in a nursing home, while filing for medicaid.

My friend started asking where all of his money and life savings went! Needless to say the new wifey, now filing for divorce, didn't feel the need to explain anything to her daughter in law.

In the end my friend and her husband spoke with an attorney, a really good guy. After looking into it he advised them NOT to hire him. He explained that in their situation they could wind up paying him $50k over the next many years fighting in court to win nothing and have a stomach full of hatred, OR let it go and just love on Dad as much as they could now. They listened to him and took care of dad as best they could, but the dementia meant they couldn't bring him home.

My grandfather tried to take care of my grandmother for several months after she had a stroke. Her care was not good, but he did the best he could. He deteriorated with her. Eventually she had to be put in a nursing home due to the round the clock care she needed. In that case you "could" say she suffered elder abuse, not due to malice but due to my grandfathers unwillingness to put her in a nursing home. It took a while to convince him of the reality of the situation, so for a time it could be argued that she suffered elder abuse, but not in the normal way we think of it. For every story you need to try to understand the details and intentions of everyone involved. Some are evil and greedy, while others are simply out of their depth and unwilling to seek help.

Regards,

Doug

 

[Suprtek]

I guess I should be glad that I don't have any stories to tell that compare to what has been posted in this thread. My wife and I have worked very hard to make sure her parents have always had the best care we could provide. For years, my wife (sometimes me too but mostly her) went to their house every single day to make sure they had everything they needed. Eventually, their needs exceeded what we could provide and we had to make the difficult decision to place them in a facility for full time care. We did lots of research and made many visits to many places before we chose who would care for them. There is no such thing as a perfect facility. The facility can only do so much on its own. It truly is up to family members or other advocates to make sure loved ones are properly cared for. If you notice any issue, even if it is not with your loved one, DEAL WITH IT. You can make a difference.

One of the main factors that forced us to make this decision was dementia. On one of our visits, I noticed an employee speaking to a resident in a manner that I considered very inappropriate. As people with dementia often do, this resident was asking the same question repeatedly. The employee was dealing with it by telling the resident (in a manner that clearly indicated she was annoyed) that she had just asked her that. Anyone that knows anything about dementia knows this is not the proper way to deal with this. I understand the frustration of dealing with someone with dementia so I was willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I pulled the employee aside and pointed this out to her. She chose to quickly pointed out that since I was not a relative of this resident, I had no say in the matter. I informed her that her superiors would be hearing about this. Fortunately for all the residents, she was not employed there much longer.

I can say that we are still happy with the care provided at this facility. Anyplace is going to have the occasional problem. Most places will do their best to deal with them effectively. However, it is still up to loved ones to stay vigilant no matter what. No amount of money can replace that.

 

[pathfinder317]

My brother had my dad co-sign a mortgage, then constantly called him and asked for money to pay the payment. Then his teenage daughter needed to go to rehab for substance abuse so my dad paid close to 30K for that.
House gets foreclosed on , brother and teenage daughter move from Indy 700 miles away because Dads house has a mother in law apartment attached to the home they live in, never even tell the parents they are coming, dad is stuck paying 22K after house in Indy sales at auction.
Sister convinces dad to take a mortgage in his name to buy her a home she can't afford, and of course he makes all the payments, then she stops making them even though she tells dad she needs money to pay the payment, house gets several months behind.
My brother won't work now that he has a free place to live and can drive dads new car
Little Sis, goes 700 miles away picks up moms new car drives it back to Indy, (4 or 5 years ago) still driving it.
I receive a call from my dads co-workers (all are judges) and they inform me he needs to be put into conservatorship to protect his assets.
I start the process, both my parents voluntarily sign into it, but we lack one doctors signature, mom passes away , I get another call from dads co workers telling me dad fell and broke his hip and laid on the floor for over 24 hours, while a brother and a teenage girl live in the home and have no jobs, of course I found out 5 days later from his co workers, brother wont even tell me. while dad is in hospital , brother gets power of attorney and withdraws 25K in less than 24 hours, I find out from girl at bank and call the attorney, he said he did not knew I existed, brother put sister as beneficiary on POA and did not mention me.
Now I get the one missing doctors signature, finally he is under the protection of the court, after he lost over 100K to these pieces of crap sibblings of mine.
Now I hear the conservator has put her in a position where she has to get her own mortgage but is not willing to sell the house for less than fair market value.
My brother, well as soon as I can get things in place I want my dad to sell his home and go into a assisted living facility , he has the money to pay for it and he deserves to be taken better care of, so brother and niece need to find their own place soon.
talk about elder abuse, this one takes the cake !
There is alot more to this , like my sister telling the judges my dad worked with, that she has a sick daughter , and in reality the kid had to go to the hospital for one minor out patient procedure, but she makes it sound like her daughter is a dying cancer patient.
So now all cash handouts are gone, and people see the 4 walls closing in on them, now suddenly I am the bad guy, all because they won't grow up and take care of their responsibilities, I guess its easier to let a 87 year old man pay for their bills.

 

[geronimojoe85]

This thread makes my blood boil. I hope I never have to put either of my parents into assisted care. My grandmother is due to dementia
and my aunt struggles daily to keep them from putting her on serequil and just making her a veggie.

One nice thing is that in the case of my father, should he need a POA one day, both my sister and I are pretty financially stable so any assets are relatively inconsequential. Other than a few guns with sentimental value, my father has nothing that I need or want.

My mother on the other hand, again should she ever need a POA, has a few children that I wouldn't trust to watch my rock collection.

Again it is my sincerest hope that they never see the inside of a care facility.

When I did emt school my instructor covered elder abuse with a story of doing a welfare check only to find that "kids" were taking care of mom by keeping her chained to a bed in the basement and checking on her weekly. When he went to take her vitals before transport he notices the numbers
on her forearm. The lady was a f×××ing holocaust survivor. To have survived such a horrible thing only to be treated that way by your children. It is my understanding that the kids did time for it, but I'm not certain.

 

[Libertarian01]

My brother had my dad co-sign a mortgage... talk about elder abuse, this one takes the cake !

To All,

It is some of the stories posted on here that make me wish there was a Merrill in every family to take out the trash!!!

https://youtu.be/1c2jp8WyXms

Doug

 

[indygunguy]

I'm sorry I have to revive this sad old thread from years ago. It seems my MIL was taken advantage of this week by some dirtball insurance salesman who sold her on the idea of converting her entire IRA into an annuity... and she signed the papers. I don't have all the details just yet... but I am furious.

Whoever this guy is does not have a clue about her full financial picture. She is by NO means rich, but she should have enough to get her by, and to that end her finances are very carefully planned out. He probably planted some seeds of fear about a market crash, then preyed on those fears, got her to sign the papers (because she's a nice old lady who doesn't like to say no to people), and then he probably made $10,000 commission on the deal.

Grrrrr. Tomorrow I'll get all the facts, and then go fix this mess... but what I really want to do is overreact.

Okay, I'm going to chill out and get some work done. Thanks for listening to me vent.

 

[Tactically Fat]

IGG - that's terrible. :-(

Are there ANY kind of medically documented senility / dementia issues at all with your MIL? Like even the beginnings? *Could there be* in the immediate future?