Yep, at my mother's funeral. My aunt (mother's brother's wife) said that she had never liked my mother and yada, yada...yada. For the life of me, I don't know why people can't contain their negative thoughts. It certainly doesn't endear the survivors to the mouthy person. It only reflects poorly on the person making the remarks. That being said, there are a lot of folks out there who are crude, ill-mannered, self-centered and cruel. My mother had her faults, but she raised me to have good manners and respect for others.
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Funeral Etiquette
- Thread starter CHCRandy
- Start date
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I have officiated several funerals where the deceased was a "troubled" individual. Since comforting the grieving is really the focus, I always try to speak of letting the hardships go so the living do not have to carry the weight of unforgiveness the rest of their lives. A grudge is like poison in a persons life.
I have personally attended a funeral where almost everyone was glad the individual was dead, and people actually cursed his body during the showing. I did not care much for him either but wanted to comfort the long suffering wife and kids.
I have personally attended a funeral where almost everyone was glad the individual was dead, and people actually cursed his body during the showing. I did not care much for him either but wanted to comfort the long suffering wife and kids.
While at my grandpa's funeral a friend of the family told my uncle that he was was sorry for his lose. My uncle, who had a major stroke many years before and the part of the brain that filters what you think doesn't work that well anymore, said very loudly, "hell what are you sorry for? He lived a long life. 86 years old. It was his time to go." I was in the back of the viewing area and had a hard time to keep from laughing. It was true but most people don't say things like that at a funeral.
Did you intentionally write this with the (judging) irony dripping so?
The Bible just says to judge righteously, not to not judge.
Funerals really bring out a mix of emotions in people, I see my job as someone to act as an open ear and to make sure the ones closest have their wishes followed. It's no place for negativity, if you can't hold your tongue, you shouldn't attend.
Something I can tell everyone is to plan ahead. It can save your family a tremendous amount of grief. Find someplace to DOCUMENT (don't just tell one person) things like who you want to officiate, where you want to be buried, what kind of memorial you want, etc.. The more you have it laid out the less choices your grieving family have to make and the less opportunity they'll have to argue about what "you would have wanted." It's unfortunate I've seen funerals absolutely drive families apart. In one case someone had already had a monument made (the deceased had multiple spouses) with their name on it next to their parents, but the children of the first marriage had other plans. It was a nightmare. Also, if at all possible, please leave behind some method to cover the costs. Even the cheapest of funerals will run $8,000-$12,000. There are a lot of vehicles out there like insurance plans, trusts (need to be thoroughly vetted), etc that can save your family from having to make arrangements in a very compressed time frame that can dramatically increase their costs for things you never would have even cared about. Some funeral directors are down right scam artists and will play on emotion, don't give them the opportunity.
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The Bible just says to judge righteously, not to not judge.
[...]
Way to totally dodge his point, chief.
If you honestly believe that all people with a large copy of The Bible do so "other people can see how religious you are," your bigotry is totally obscuring your judgment.
For example, have you ever heard of heirlooms?
I just love snarky little lectures from those who don't believe to those of us who do.
JeremiahJohnson
Master
Yup.
Before my mother-in-law passed away, there had been several major "fallings out" with her sister/sister's husband.
They "kind of" patched things up when their mother died, but evidently something happened during that process that set the off/apart once again. My MIL told her own sister "If I die first, don't bother coming to my funeral".
Well, she did die first - but evidently sister came to the funeral home first and was gone before anyone else had arrived.
I don't have siblings myself, but I can't imagine being that estranged.
Also, this past week, I had the distinct pleasure of attending TWO of my wife's uncle's funerals/memorials. I hardly knew either man, but I went A) to support my wife B) to let other family see my kids, and C) to watch said kids.
The saddest part of the first funeral was when his youngest son (40) said during the eulogy how his father was a "silent father". He related that he could count on his hands how many times he heard his dad say "I love you".
THAT is the travesty.
Fathers, hug your kids. Play with them. Spend time with them. Tell them you love them.
They "kind of" patched things up when their mother died, but evidently something happened during that process that set the off/apart once again. My MIL told her own sister "If I die first, don't bother coming to my funeral".
Well, she did die first - but evidently sister came to the funeral home first and was gone before anyone else had arrived.
I don't have siblings myself, but I can't imagine being that estranged.
Also, this past week, I had the distinct pleasure of attending TWO of my wife's uncle's funerals/memorials. I hardly knew either man, but I went A) to support my wife B) to let other family see my kids, and C) to watch said kids.
The saddest part of the first funeral was when his youngest son (40) said during the eulogy how his father was a "silent father". He related that he could count on his hands how many times he heard his dad say "I love you".
THAT is the travesty.
Fathers, hug your kids. Play with them. Spend time with them. Tell them you love them.
The "silent father" thing is a hold over from how they were raised. Hollywood would have you believe that old time fathers were like Charles Ingalls from "Little House on the Prairie". IMHO, I think most worked hard and expected a lot from their children, many times to keep the family from starving. When it was common for fathers to go off to war, sometimes the effects of combat stunted their ability to show affection. The fathers who spout I love you at the drop of a hat, are a recent crop.
Yep...Like the "silent dad" above, I could probably count on my 10 fingers the number of times my dad said the words but by his deeds, I know he did.
Funerals are for the ones left behind. But also for personal closure. I attended my cousins funeral and would have rather not seen anyone else that was there but I wanted to say goodbye to my childhood buddy.
ive attended too many funerals and memorial services of my dear friends and I've never seen someone be an ass. I wouldn't recomend it. Stay classy and be respectful.
ive attended too many funerals and memorial services of my dear friends and I've never seen someone be an ass. I wouldn't recomend it. Stay classy and be respectful.
littletommy
Grandmaster
Geez! Too much coffee today? Tad bit jumpy.
I use an app on my iPad now....wait, what are we talking about?
littletommy
Grandmaster
I read it, I could tell it wasn't meant as a slam.
I was at a funeral once where someone stated about the deceased that "they could be a real a-hole from time to time but we loved 'em for that..." and talked about how through that brought humor and life lessons and proceeded to talk about the good things.. The deceased wasn't a bad person just somewhat grumpy form time to time. So not exactly what you are getting at OP but still it was like the negatives were spoken of, but made light of and glorified in a way... I think it's just because it truly was all fond memories.
PGRChaplain
Master
We are not the ones who's Judgement counts.
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