Gunkid, Gecko45, Mall Ninjas, and the Tactical Wheelbarrow

[indytechnerd]

If I remember correctly, Gunkid is mentioned by name in one of Jerry D. Young's stories.

Found it...Influences

This is one of those threads that needs to resurface occasionally. Gecko45, Gunkid, and Tactical Guy need to be kept in the forefront of our minds (since we all need to blade at 45 degrees once in a while).

to this thread

 

[Zoub]

Sorry to dig up an old thread but the OP owes my employer about $200 bucks and owes me some pain and suffering money.

I kept hearing about Gecko45 over at HKPRo in the forums so I searched here and read the Shrine of the Mall Ninja link at Shrine of the Mall Ninja » LonelyMachines for over almost an hour. Early on, I spit tea all over my work monitor, possibly ruining it and later almost choked and spilled soup all over my keyboard as the laughter triggered near convulsions. The ensuing coughing fit was horrible. Never has laughter had such a power negative impact on my bodily functions and tech gear at work. Here are some of the offending quotes from Gecko45 that almost killed me:

"...when our team saved the life and possibly the virginity of the Mayor’s nephew"

"Meanwhile, my ass is one the line so your fat butt can go to the mall and pick up the latest copy of “Computer Gaming Monthly” without getting jumped and sodomized in the mall bathroom."

"I am the Sergeant of a three-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America’s largest indoor retail shopping areas."

"BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual."

"I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life."

"But then again I think of the mayors nephew, his face distored with tears and terror, the GAP employees who asked for my autograph, and had to settle for a cover identity’s signature, the flashbangs, and their acrid scent, the smell of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot"

but the absolute best line on the entire page came from someone responding to Gecko45's plan of using two ceramic plates to stop .338 Lapua rounds from killing him:

"If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.” LOL that is a classic!

That's as far as I could get in reading this stuff, I will let my abdominal muscles, lungs and throat rest overnight and try to finish reading it tomorrow.
Either this Gecko45 guy is real and really believes what he writes, which is frightening as hell, or this is one of the best comedic writers I have EVER come across and is bound to win multiple Emmys.

Sorry if this is old news to most of you but I just discovered this gem and had to comment.

It is old news, but great cliff notes post you made for others to read. They can decide if they need more.

 

[longbow]

thanks for the laughs

 

[1 old 0311]

John Melvin Davis, aka "Gunkid" was last heard of in federal custody over a variety of firearms charges. He was basically a mental patient who never failed to bring amusement to the various forums he registered on and was banned from.

Gecko45 was a brilliant man who hopefully is still out there..

Best,


Joe

Gunkid got sent up for building/selling home made silencers. I always wondered if he was really that crazy ( wheel barrel, raft, Mississippi river, .22 is the ONLY caliber ANYONE needs) or was just pimping on everyone.

 

[redneckmedic]

OMG LMAO this is great! Thanks for making my day WTF!

“Am I being careful enough?” from GlockTalk
Gecko45 writes:
hello friends,
Last year I made the decision to trust my life on the street to Second Chance body armor. I got the level IIa because it stops the most rounds. plus I got the Trauma Plate for the front.
What scares me is that, although I can fit an extra trauma plate in the front, I cannot fit a second one in back. As of late I have taken to duct-taping a second trauma plate to the area of my back where the heart and vital organs are located. Then I put my vest on.
Here is the questions. The ducttape solution, although tactically sound, is hot and painful to remove. I would like to go to the single-plate solution in back. What I am worried about is repeated hits to that area with .308 ammunition. I have a high-risk security job and I fear that I would be the target for repeated long-distance shots to my back.
Are any of you aware of a thicker plate that could stop, say, .338 Lapua or something like that? Is there a better way to do the second plate?
BTW, I am, of course, usually carrying a pair of ceramic plates in my briefcase so that I can shield my head. My SO (we work as a team when necessary) has a similar accessory containing a breakdown NEF single-shot 300 WinMag with an 18" bbl. The plan is that I shield us with my body and “catch the rounds” while she assembles the NEF. I lay down covering fire with my 23 (Bar-Sto .357 Sig barrel) and she makes the long shots. I will then throw smoke grenades to obscure the area while continuing to lay covering fire. The problem, of course, is when I have to turn my back to run, and then the problem crops up.
Thanks!

One poster responded, ‘If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B.” Needless to say, alot of folks started seriously wondering where this guy worked”
​

 

[MilitaryArms]

Blood Ninja was the funniest thing that's ever happened to the internet.

Google him.

 

[sparky241]

LOL. I remember gunkid. And you're right, as I recall he's currently doing time for violating some gun related laws. Hope his wheelbarrow is safe!

no was doing time, hes out now. we at the falfiles were trying to call hime over but he just didnt come.

John Melvin Davis, 58 years old. Released on 10/26/10

 

[sparky241]

 

[SAMSON]

Just finished reading about fifteen minutes worth of geco45's ramblings and I think I saw his twin brother at the last 1500. He was sitting in the cafeteria when I went to get lunch. All black clothing, bloused boots, load bearing vest, black ball cap with LRRP on the front. Had a tactical H&R single shot shotgun on the table in front of him. Interesting character, seemed to be trying very hard to look dangerous. I spoke to a psychiatrist once about these types and he stated that these guys many times have multiple personalities. That way they have someone else as strange as themselves to talk to on a regular basis. It's a good thing I don't read these guys crap to often as I'm old and couldn't take the fits of laughter and spewing my food and drink all over the computer desk. You know when Coke spurts out of your nose it burns for a long time.

 

[TiminMishawaka]

I got as far as duct taping a trauma plate to his back before I started wheezing.... Thank you very much for this.

 

[dhnorris]

"shot down like prairie dogs at a drunken machinegun shoot" I love it.

 

[Kirk Freeman]

For those that do not know, the Mall Ninja was written by a teenage employer of a gun store in Knoxville, Tennessee.

It is a joke and a spoof on some of the Strange Rangers that "Tim" had to deal with all day.