How to handle a 'creeper' without getting in trouble?

[Concerned Citizen]

My niece, who is 15 works at a local restaurant as a hostess one day a week. A man in his 40's or 50's has been in there 10 times on the night she works, and is constantly asking very suspicious questions, such as where do you go to school, what nights you work, where do you hang out with your friends, where do you go to church, etc.

Up front, those don't seem more than small talk, but the way the questions were asked were very sneaky, and he sorta tricked her into answering them.

He made some comment to her after she talked to another male customer, like "So, you have other men that come in here on a regular basis to see you?" and she said it felt like a 'jealous' comment.

He has gone in there at least twice when she wasn't working, and turned around & left without eating.

She has asked me to come in there & do something about him next time he shows up, which will probably be tonight. Her dad has already called the police, but they said "So far, he hasn't done anything, so we can't do anything".

This type of creepy behaviour is something that child nappers display. How do I handle it without getting charges against me?

 

[mrjarrell]

The restaurant manager needs to handle it. If she hasn't made them aware yet, then she needs to. They can kick the guy out and tell him to not return. If they choose to act. There's not a lot you can do that wouldn't wind up with you answering embarrassing questions from the cops. Best to let the management handle it. If you do need to get involved, then talk to the manager, not the weird guy.

 

[eldirector]

Has she talked with her manager? Since she is a minor, her parents could/should on her behalf. The restaurant could do several things to help:

a) re-assign her to another section after he is seated
b) let her go on break (in the back) when he comes in
c) escort her in/out for her shift
d) ask/tell the guy to leave, and press trespassing charges if he returns

I worked at a restaurant as a teen. The owner routinely ran folks off that bothered the "girls".

 

[Indy_Guy_77]

Agree with mrjarrell (quick, right that down somewhere!)

If she and her parents are uncomfortable with it (and her parents do know, right?), then she NEEDS to go to her boss / supervisor.

If they're unwilling to protect her...time for a new job.

-J-

 

[iChokePeople]

*Attracted*? Um... well... *attracted*? I just really like young people.

 

[Concerned Citizen]

She has made the owner aware, & she told me that even the owner thought his actions were a little creepy.

Keep in mind, this is an oriental restaurant, so there may be a little bit of cultural differences here, where he doesn't see things as I do. But you may be right.

 

[Hoosierdood]

One bar of soap...

One tube sock...

One white sheet.

It's easy to hide behind cars in the parking lot.

 

[rockhopper46038]

Well, first I'd advise her to not be alone when she's walking (since I'd guess she doesn't drive). Second, I'd advise the restaurant management of her concern. I'd also make sure someone snaps a picture of the guy, so it is available if need be (perhaps even doing it in a way that makes certain he is aware his picture has been taken) and if he pays with a credit card have management keep a copy of one of the receipts. Aside from that, if you do speak with him, I would keep it civil and express concern that your niece feels a little uncomfortable with the attention, and that his interest in her activities comes across as somewhat unwholesome, and that in this day and age, unfortunately, people have to be very protective of minor children, so his interest has been noted and he has been identified as a otential concern. Then suggest he refrain from interacting with her in any manner other than being seated. Ideally, this whole conversation should come from the store manager, and even better if the manager is a woman. No threats, just notice given that his attentions have been noted, and are not welcome. My 2 cents.

 

[ben992]

My niece, who is 15 works at a local restaurant as a hostess one day a week. A man in his 40's or 50's has been in there 10 times on the night she works, and is constantly asking very suspicious questions, such as where do you go to school, what nights you work, where do you hang out with your friends, where do you go to church, etc.

Up front, those don't seem more than small talk, but the way the questions were asked were very sneaky, and he sorta tricked her into answering them.

He made some comment to her after she talked to another male customer, like "So, you have other men that come in here on a regular basis to see you?" and she said it felt like a 'jealous' comment.

He has gone in there at least twice when she wasn't working, and turned around & left without eating.

She has asked me to come in there & do something about him next time he shows up, which will probably be tonight. Her dad has already called the police, but they said "So far, he hasn't done anything, so we can't do anything".

This type of creepy behaviour is something that child nappers display. How do I handle it without getting charges against me?

I am in agreement with mrjarrel. I would give the management at least one shot at handling this creep. If her manager does nothing, I'd say she needs to quit and find another job as that is not a place that I would think she would want to work for--that wouldn't look out for the general saftey of its employees.

If the guy finds her outside of work and the police doesn't do anything--I would have a talk with him directly at that point. He must understand that she is a minor (not to mention your precious niece) and a return visit will find him in a situation where he is tangled up in a way that he doesn't like. Then ask him clearly if he understands.

 

[OneBadV8]

Get her some Pepper spray and maybe even some "Inert" ones to practice so she can learn how it works with the wind and such.

 

[Tripp11]

If it were my niece and she came to me for help, I would probably try to go in the restaurant with my niece and talk to the owner/manager with her. Perhaps she would feel more comfortable expressing her concerns with another trusted family member (you) standing next to her. I would be entirely civil and polite when talking to the owner/manager.

I would then probably spend a few nights in the parking lot sitting in my car keeping tabs on any potential creepers. I would have my niece text me when he came in and then I would figure out which vehicle was his. I would document make, model, color, and plate number.

If it continued, I would probably go with my niece to the local PD station and ask to talk to an officer about the issue giving them as much information as possible about what has transpired and give them any info on the vehicle/person that you know.

 

[Glock32j]

What happened to kickin some azz. 1-2 years probation and 500 for bail. Prolly not the right idea but it will get the point across. Have him sit next to yourself and the father, and you guys can have a little talk with the perv.

 

[buckstopshere]

Definitely agree that the restaurant manager needs to be involved. It wouldn't stop me from having a conversation with this guy. You don't have to rough him up or get in his face. You could ask him some questions, make small talk, or just observe his behavior.

If you don't like his answers and you don't like what you observe, then let him know who you are and that the manager as well as the police have been notified of his suspicious behavior.

Be ready to come back for the next several weeks. Might be good for Dad to get engaged here too if that's possible.

 

[Sailor]

The simple answer, if the management does not ban this dude immediately she needs to quit and never return. Confrontation on her or your part is not the answer.

 

[dice dealer]

One bar of soap...

One tube sock...

One white sheet.

It's easy to hide behind cars in the parking lot.

^^^^^^This^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[Sylvain]

That sounds really creepy indeed.

I would come and talk to that creepy guy right away, tell him that im aware of what he's doing, aware of what he's planning to do, aware of what he looks like and that if anything happens, or if he comes back again asking creepy questions you will take care of him.

That may scare him off knowing that adults are aware of what he's doing.

 

[indytechnerd]

My suggestion....

Start surveillance on the place when the niece is working. When this chuckle head walks in and starts his spiel, walk up....

You - "you see that girl?"
Him - "yeah"
You - "she's my niece and I love her very much."
You - hand him a DVD of the movie "Taken" and walk away. Make sure to talk like Liam Neeson in the movie, too.

 

[indiucky]

The restaurant manager needs to handle it. If she hasn't made them aware yet, then she needs to. They can kick the guy out and tell him to not return. If they choose to act. There's not a lot you can do that wouldn't wind up with you answering embarrassing questions from the cops. Best to let the management handle it. If you do need to get involved, then talk to the manager, not the weird guy.

200 years ago? Shoot him in the back with your long rifle as he is leaving, take his scalp and hang it on your cabin door.

100 years ago? Grab him by the collar, drag him outside and put the barrel of your triple-lock Smith in his mouth until he gags and then pistol whip him.

Now? Exactly what Mr. Jarrel said. God that hurts. The second time in one month I have agreed with Anarchist Butters.

 

[Armed Citizen]

Invite a bunch of your INGO buddies for an OC'ing event at her restaurant when she is working and the "creepier" is there. Have her walk up to your INGO buddies and call several of them "UNCLE".

That should get his attention...

 

[Dead Duck]

She has made the owner aware, & she told me that even the owner thought his actions were a little creepy.

Keep in mind, this is an oriental restaurant, so there may be a little bit of cultural differences here, where he doesn't see things as I do. But you may be right.

Is this the guy? Your niece must have Green eyes.
Happens all the time.

She's right, He is kind-of creepy.

Isn't Jack Burton a member at INGO?

Someone PM him and your big troubles will be over.