I will be joining the ranks of some of you after the first of the year

[csaws]

Looks like I will be joining some of you in the ranks of divorcees after the holidays, wifey came to me and told me she wants out. I have asked her numerous times since to work on things and she says that we can work on things enough to keep things friendly between us for our kids but she is done and will not be coming back. We have agreed to keep this friendly and I am not worried about my stuff. I will probably have some questions though for any of you with experience.

Like is there a limit as to what she can get since our marriage is so short? We got married Sept. 2008.

How does joint custody of kids work?

Anything else you think would be beneficial to me in this process would be great.

 

[Mini-14]

Only advice I can give is find yourself the best attorney you can afford.

 

[jclark]

I'm sorry things aren't going to work out.
The best advise I have to offer is to stay civil.
No point in hating each other when there are children involved.
The more you 2 can work out together( custody,support,visitation,Splitting up property) the better off you are.

 

[smiley69_300]

I am sorry to hear about that man. And if you guys can agree on stuff than it aint really neccessary to have a real expensive lawyer. But like I saidyou have to agree. I have seen some friends go through where they start out agreeing and than comes time and s**t hit the fan. Like I said I am sorry to hear about your situation. I dont wish that upon anyone.

 

[Ricnzak]

Keeping a good relationship for the children is the best thing that two adults can do. I have a ex that share a wonderful 13 year old son with. We have joint custody. Except when I travel with work I have our son every other day. We do have an agreement to live in the same city until he graduates high school. My biggest pet peeve in the world is when adults try to use the kids as a weapon against the other.

We agreed to split everything 50/50. At the time we did not have allot so it was pretty easy. We shared a lawyer for the sake of saving money. If you do go this route be the person that retains the lawyer. That way if you do decide during the process that you can not agree and you get separate lawyers you do not have to start over with a new one.

One parent will be the custodial parent. This is the decision maker. But if the two of you are on the same page decisions will be made together. I talk with my ex every morning. Whoever drops our son off to school calls the other and we discuss homework, colds, events and whatever else is going on with our son. This also helps prevent him trying to play one against the other. We have not had this problem but some parents do. Now we have had our spells that we are not happy with one another and may not ask "how are you today" but we still talk every day to keep on top of things.

We agreed to split all of his expenses 50/50 as well. This is nice in the fact that your not sending money to the court or having your paycheck garnished. If your children are on one of your health insurance policies the other splits the cost. Now if I go buy him a bb gun I don't expect her to split that but jeans needed for school are split. I have been told that going this route can cost more money. I have heard of fathers that say when a trip for school or drivers ed comes up that the mother should pay because they already pay child support. Decisions like that are up to each person as to how they feel things should be handled.

In my own limited opinion each parent should realize that the kids are the ones who need the most reassurance during these times. Put hurt feeling aside and deal with the rejection that can be felt and love your wonderful kids.

Good luck to you. Divorce can be one of the most awful things you can ever go through.

 

[antsi]

Divorce can be one of the most awful things you can ever go through.

It's extremely damaging to both parties. Even if it goes well and you do both stay civil, divorce will be extremely draining both spiritually and financially.

What have the two of you done to try to work out your problems? Have you tried to get any help?

If either or both of you are religious people, I would strongly urge you to pray about this decision and consider going to a New Life weekend.

Most times people get divorced, they just take their same problems in to the next relationship and wind up in the same place. People are sold that divorce is the easy way out, but in most cases it does not solve anything.

 

[Dogman]

Hate to hear that, hope things work out ok for you.

 

[wtfd661]

Sorry to hear that, I hope that, all things considered it, works out well for you. I agree with the above, if you two can keep it civil (even friendly) the better off it will be for your kid/s. Good luck to you and I will say prayers for all involved.

 

[evansvillethompsongunner]

For however much it's worth not having gone through a divorce (or marriage yet), I agree with pretty much everything that's been said, to be civil and polite, and to retain one hell of an attorney just-in-case.

 

[pudly]

Sorry to hear it. Been there, done that. Get yourself a good attorney. Try to keep things civil, but this is not a time to trust her. She has just declared in the most extreme terms that she is no longer on your side, so you need to protect yourself and your kids. You'll get through it, but you are in for a rough period. Good luck.

 

[millsusaf]

Get a good lawyer and don't trust her. When it comes to money don't put anything past anyone no matter how "civil" they say they want it. Separate accounts now, God help you if you have joint credit cards or debt.

Regarding the lawyer thing, don't make the same mistake I did, don't call your lawyer about every little thing she does or says to **** you off, you will rack up MAJOR bills. Unless it can truly be a civil ordeal and is over quickly (like less than a month or two) insist on a mediator. I spent almost 8k on lawyer fees before the mediator thing happened. If I would have insisted on that immediately my bill would have been less than 1/2 that.....total.

Your kid/kids are the most important thing. No matter what she does, says or how bad it hurts/sucks don't badmouth her in front of the kids. During pickup/drop off make sure the exchange is as civil as possible. I'm fortunate that me and my ex get along very well. It wasn't always that way but luckily we both grew up a little and got over ourselves.

I'm sorry this has happened but it will be ok.

 

[doglb]

Im agreeing with everyone, watch your back! IT may start out friendly but things change in a heartbeat! Get a good attorney and always keep yourself a journal of all dates and times things are discussed. Hopefully everything runs smooth. I wish you luck!

 

[millsusaf]

Not to step on anyone's toes but the journal thing is, in my opinion, a waste of time. We live in a no fault state, for the good or the bad, nothing matters really. She can call you every name in the book and do a whole host of crappy things but when it comes time to step in front of the judge he/she will not care one bit about any of it. In all honesty I think the journal recommendation originated from lawyers to make more money. Think about it, in a no fault state what possible difference could it make to keep a log of every time she hangs up on your or won't answer the phone so you can talk to your children?

Based on both your incomes a percentage is established, all the assets are added up and divided based on that percentage. Child support is also decided based on the same percentage. If you make 70k and she makes 30k guess who is paying more. Based on that total there is a percentage of what it takes to raise a child. Lets say that is 15% of your combined incomes. Based on those figures, that is $15000 a year or $1250 per month to raise a child. You have to pay $875 and she is supposed to provide the balance ($375). Never mind that it doesn't take $1250 a month to raise a child unless you are spoiling the crap out of it, they don't care. Never mind what other bills you have or what your life goals are. That is the established procedures and what will happen.

Good luck.

 

[Lilsoup]

Sorry to hear the bad news, but as everyone else has said, keep it civil, if for nothing else, for the child/children, kids are what matters most, you may not have her, but you will always have them, and you dont want them seeing you as the bad guy, or her as the bad girl, keep it civil for them.

 

[4sarge]

Sorry to hear but best wishes during this most difficult time. You know her better than anyone else but more than likely she will go thru several attitude changes during the divorce proceedings. If her girlfriends and attorney do not convince her to pressure you for more and more. Indiana is pretty straight forward with a $ formula and best of all it's only money and possessions. Things that can all be replaced over a period of time. The main concern is keeping your cool and sanity while maintaining a productive environment for your kids.

Good Luck

 

[one more]

Sorry to hear but best wishes during this most difficult time. You know her better than anyone else but more than likely she will go thru several attitude changes during the divorce proceedings. If her girlfriends and attorney do not convince her to pressure you for more and more. Indiana is pretty straight forward with a $ formula and best of all it's only money and possessions. Things that can all be replaced over a period of time. The main concern is keeping your cool and sanity while maintaining a productive environment for your kids.

Good Luck

for me also. I also agree with what millsusaf said in his first post. Things do turn bad! Out siders put in their and turn things. Sorry this is happening! Keep your head up, you are in our prays!

 

[MACHINEGUN]

I'm sorry to hear this csaws.. read what everyone is saying.. get a good lawyer and do not trust her.

 

[SavageEagle]

Sorry things turned out the way they did. I wish you the best of luck and hope it all works out for the best.

 

[Mr. Habib]

Sorry to hear this. Been there myself, it sucks. Like many have said before, GET A LAWYER, NOW. Remember, you trusted her to stay with you for the rest of your lives, she has betrayed that trust. Do not trust her now. Hopefully the two of you can keep this civil, especially for the sake of the kids. The best thing you can do now is be the best parent you can be. Your kids need stability now more than ever. As best you can, keep the issues between you and your wife between both of you and don't fight in front of your kids. The last thing they need is to see the two of you at each others throats. Use your visitation and stay involved with your kids as much as possible. My wife's ex was nonexistent in my step kids lives for years to the point that they started calling him the 'Sperm Donor'. Don't be him.

 

[alwalker84]

Good luck my friend.

If you are a religous man, I pray for you a painless seperation.