INGO: Joke of the day page

[rhamersley]

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

 

[actaeon277]

 

[rhamersley]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[rhamersley]

 

[Mongo59]

Two blonds laying on a blanket looking up at the night sky.

One says, "I wonder which is closer, Florida or the moon?"

The other replies, "Duh, can you see Florida from here?"

 

[Mongo59]

What is the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?

A: A bassoon burns longer.

 

[Mongo59]

What is the difference between jumping on a trombone and jumping on a trampoline?

A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

 

[Mongo59]

How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?

A: You shoot one of them.

 

[Mongo59]

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a clarinet?

A: You can tune a lawnmower.

 

[Mongo59]

What is the range of a baritone?

A: About 30 yards with a good arm.

 

[Mongo59]

A percussionist walks into a music store because he is tired of being told he isn't a 'real' musician.

The salesman asks, "Can I help you?"

The percussionist replies, "Yes, let me have the red trumpet. the white tambourine and the silver accordion."

The salesman says, "Why, you must be a percussionist!"

He says, "Yes!, But how did you know?"

The salesman says, "Well, the fire extinguisher and the smoke detector I can let you have, but the radiator heater has to stay..."

 

[Mongo59]

What does it mean when a percussionist has saliva coming out of both corners of his mouth?

A: It means the stage is level.

 

[jerrob]

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a LIBERAL on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirtbag on the inside.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[gregr]

Where do you take someone whose been seriously injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

ICU

 

[gregr]

What do you do if attacked by a mob of clowns?

Go for the juggler.

 

[rhamersley]

 

[actaeon277]

Also, exceeding the local command's radiation limit did not make me glow, or turn me into the Hulk.
Sad.