INGO: Joke of the day page

[patience0830]

^ The joke has been updated for the 21st century.

Before, Steve's roommate was Paula, and she was pretty.

I'm a much bigger fan of the 20th century version.

 

[actaeon277]

Don't worry, spiders are smaller than you are.
So are grenades, so **** you.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

 

[patience0830]

Every. Single. Dam. Day.


Then we go and post 'em up on the internet. Kinda the same thing.

 

[actaeon277]

Every. Single. Dam. Day.


Then we go and post 'em up on the internet. Kinda the same thing.

Ah. But you can pick what you post on the internet.
Not so much the "thought bubbles".

 

[rhino]

If I'm having trouble with my thought bubbles appearing over my head when I'm in public, I just change the color of the typeface to white. That way it won't show on the white background of my thought bubbles.

 

[actaeon277]

Sounds discriminatory.

 

[patience0830]

Sounds discriminatory.

FONT RACIST!

 

[rhino]

If I'm having trouble with my thought bubbles appearing over my head when I'm in public, I just change the color of the typeface to white. That way it won't show on the white background of my thought bubbles.

Sounds discriminatory.

FONT RACIST!

Well, duh. Of course it's racist! Everything and everyone is racist . . . well, except for the special people who are incapable of racism (as designated by the socialist/statists & progressives).

 

[jamil]

Well, duh. Of course it's racist! Everything and everyone is racist . . . well, except for the special people who are incapable of racism (as designated by the socialist/statists & progressives).

This is true. Minority races can only be racist if they're conservative. Because then they're not true minorities and therefore are privileged. See, like Pachyderms are minorities in the US. But you're still a racist because you're not progressive.

 

[rhino]

This is true. Minority races can only be racist if they're conservative. Because then they're not true minorities and therefore are privileged. See, like Pachyderms are minorities in the US. But you're still a racist because you're not progressive.

CORRECT.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[actaeon277]

Reaction to Snakes
• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.
• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.
• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes....
• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
94 • 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.
• MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.
• JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.
• Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.
• Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
• Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
• Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.
• Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.
• AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
• AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

 

[SSGSAD]

I'm a much bigger fan of the 20th century version.

YES, me too !!!!!

 

[rhino]

RACIST!

Reaction to Snakes
• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.
• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.
• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes....
• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
94 • 2nd Ranger: Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.
• MI: analyzes all available intelligence and national asset input on the reptilian situation; reports sighting of Godzilla to National Command Authority.
• JAG: Advises the snake on the rules of engagement and the law of war as it pertains to the snake and its defensive posture.
• Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks up snake on property book. Has company commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green, One Each," as non-expendable unit property.
• Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger, but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2 Respirator especially made for snakes, remembers the Chemical Corps Motto, "UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas), and conducts three experiments on it that have been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of 1999.
• Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
• Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants (cooks, mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.
• Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.
• AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.
• AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

 

[MCgrease08]

What's the most useless thing on a woman?
























A drunken Irishman.

 

[actaeon277]

 

[Bigtanker]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

 

[Shootin'IN]

The Toothache

A guy tells his buddy he has a toothache & the buddy refers him to to his dentist.

He makes an appointment & when he gets into the dentist office he finds it is a good looking female dentist.

She gets him in the chair & starts the examination, in the meantime the patient decides to make a pass at the doctor by patting her on the bottom.

She pushes away from him & says that tooth needs to come out.

So just lay there & relax while I get an numbing injection going. He says no way Doc I don't like needles!

OK the Dr says then we have gas to knock you out. Oh no, says the guy that gas makes me sick!

The Dr says OK I'll be right back. She walks out then comes back & puts a little blue pill in his hand.

The guy says wait a minute doc I know what this pill is for & it is not pain relief.


She says you're right, but it will give you something to hold onto while I pull that tooth out!