Let's make fun of Mr88GT

[88GT]

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers #6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers #7

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

All in good fun, dear, all in good fun.

 

[Sylvain]

Number 5 is so true.

 

[silverbullet4x4]

Always lived by number #2. Good Stuff

 

[Ricnzak]

I sent 5 to my Jr in High School. Good stuff.

 

[HCRMPD1]

Hats of to 88GT. I had kind of a crappy day.....then I read this post.

As Phil Robertson would say......"I'm happy, happy, happy......

Thanks....

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

Three engineers and three accountants were going cross country on a train to their respective conventions. The accountants purchased their tickets, then watched as the engineers bought only one. "How do you expect to get all three of you across the country with only one ticket?" "Just watch." On the train, before the conductor came through, the engineers crammed themselves into the restroom. When the conductor knocked on the door, a hand came out holding a ticket, and he continued on. For the return trip, the accountants, smiling knowingly, bought just one ticket. The engineers bought none. "Now this I have to see." "Just watch." The accountants repeated the engineers' previous trick. One of the engineers knocked on the door, a hand came out holding a ticket, he took it ad the engineers proceeded to the next restroom.

------

A mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, ad a software engineer were driving along in a car, when it stopped running. The ME speculated on pistons, rods, gears and whatnot being the problem. The ChE thought it might have something to do with the fuel or other fluids. The EE figured it must be an electrical problem. The software engineer said, "let's just get out, get back in and restart it.

(I'm of the electrical variety myself)

 

[indyjohn]

So you and OkieGirl have much in common.

I gave up golf for Competition Rifle. Same concept, longer distances.

 

[brichindy]

True story: an engineer acquaintance asked to borrow a fish tape to fish some wires in his home... an hour later he calls and says it's broken. I come over, pull on the tape and everything seems in order. Turns out he was using the handle to wind the tape up instead of pulling on the actual tape

 

[Sfrandolph]

Number 6 is so true.

 

[RedneckReject]

Oh this made me smile. Rep for you!

 

[Max Volume]

3 graduate engineers were discussing who might have been responsible for the design of the human body.

The first one said "Think of all the joints etc. it must have been a mechanical engineer".

The second one said "No no, what about all the electrical impulses and nerves etc? It must have been an electrical engineer".

The third graduate was shaking his head, "You are both wrong, the human body was designed by a civil engineer - who else would run a waste pipe through a recreational area"?

 

[74J10]

Those are good.

I particularly like #4. I am a ME at a defense contractor, a buddy I was in Boy Scouts with and went to highschool/college with at Purdue is a Civil engineer. I give him crap all the time about it. Great fun!

 

[CathyInBlue]

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That’s a hardware issue.

---

A mathematician, physicist, and engineer are arguing over whose discipline is more responsible for the creation of the universe.

The engineer argues that the universe functions so well, it could only have been created by an engineer.

The physicist says, engineering is just applied physics. The universe only coalesced out of chaos because of the laws of physics. It could only have been created by a physicist.

The mathematician says, yes, but where did the chaos come from?

 

[Indy_Guy_77]

As a guy who has worked with many many geotechnical & civil engineers over the past several years - I approve of this message.

However, my cousin is a right good rocket scientist (Seriously - top of his class in aeronautical engineering from Georgia Tech) - he's quite grounded and can definitely appreciate the forest despite the trees. But he was also heavily involved in pep-band / left brained activities.

-J-

 

[Westside]

#4 pretty much describes my life!!!!


and my Brother-in-laws.

 

[eldirector]

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That’s a hardware issue.

Or.....

A) We can code around it in software
B) Document it as a feature
C) Or, four, plus a project manager, QA specialist, QA lead, technical writer, and one consultant from India to actually change the bulb

Every male (but me) on my dad's side of the family is/was an engineer. Definitely genetic. I've been fighting it off for years....

 

[ZbornacSVT]

I resemble that remark....

 

[$mooth]

Why are we making fun of Mr. 88GT? He sounds like a brilliant, patient and fine upstanding man. Not only for being an engineer, but also putting up with 88GT herself.

 

[level.eleven]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rZY8iX8Mdw


Round #2 features Mitch. Bernoulli ain't got nuthin' on this flow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFbWXuR_2Ow

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

As an engineer, I can vouch for all of the above being applicable, to one extent or the other, to every engineer I know. One topic not broached is cheapness. I don't know too many that aren't as tight with dollar as bark on a tree.

I'm betting Mr.88GT will appreciate this one:

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
" I am," replied the woman, How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am, "replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault".