MODERN MEDICINE

[Bradsknives]

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing. In Germany, we take part of a brain from one man, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks, he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: " Russia has you beat, Gentlemen. We take out half a heart from one, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks, he is looking for work."

The United States doctor answers and laughs: "You all are way behind us. Two years ago in the USA, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls, and put him in as President. Now, the whole country is looking for work !!!

 

[ViperJock]

nice.

 

[hoosierdoc]

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see his
doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you.
You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know
very little about it, but is very dangerous."

The man looks a little perplexed and say's , "Well, give me a shot or
something and fix me up, doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!" The doctors replies, "Well it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."

The guys says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American doctor!
American doctor, always want to operate. Make more money, that way. No need to operate!"

"Oh thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "you no worry! Wait two weeks. Penis fall off by itself!

 

[sharkey]

At the annual AMA conference, some trauma surgeons went to lunch together during a break. Naturally, they "talked shop' and slipped some bragging into the conversation.

The first doc stated: "My trauma team in the best in the country. A few years back, we had a fella come in with his arm ripped off and mangled by a train. We patched it together, sewed it back on and he's competing as a shot-putter in the Olymics next time around."

The second doc had to one-up: "Pfft, my team's better than that. We had a man come in with both legs crushed under a steam-roller. We reconstructed them, and after rehab he's running the Boston Marathon next year!"

The third doc just looked at his colleagues and bought them all a round. "We had a woman from New York come in a couple years back. She'd been in a terrible 20 car pile-up, wasn't nothing left but some blonde hair and an a**hole. We put 'er back together and now she's Secretary of State!"

 

[hoosierdoc]

And the winner is... Sharkey!

 

[JohnP82]

 

[ATOMonkey]

lol z