Secession was about slavery, period. No other issues, not states rights, not tariffs. The Southern states seceded in order to preserve the institution of slavery. They said so themselves, no point in continuing to argue about it.
The war, however, was about preserving the union, at least at first, until it was also about slavery as well. I don't have strong opinions about how Lincoln should have handled the problem. I think he said it best himself. He was congratulated in a letter for how well he controlled events, he responded by saying that he always felt that events controlled him.
One can also argue that absent secession, there would have been no need to preserve the union. Thus, the war was really about whatever caused secession regardless of what Lincoln said his war aims were, and consequently the war was about slavery anyway.
I have no issue with the people who chose to side with their state, regardless of how poor the cause. I can't say I would have done differently, who really knows?
If anyone has questions regarding what secession was about, then you should read what the seceding states declared were their reasons. They were very clear about it:
https://www.battlefields.org/learn/primary-sources/declaration-causes-seceding-states
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