Wedding tips from the pros.

[zombieglock]

Recently I posted a thread stating I got engaged.

Now its onto the wedding planing stage.

Do any of you have useful tips we can use to possibly help ease the stress?
Also, if anyone can point me to photographers/floral/DJs ect.

We are still looking for a venue here near the Fort Wayne area.
Looking at the landmark conference and reception centre for a venue right now.

Budget is 12.5k +/-

Thanks!

 

[chezuki]

Do any of you have useful tips we can use to possibly help ease the stress?

Courthouse.

/thread

My lovely bride/best-friend and I did it for less than $160.

 

[mbills2223]

Courthouse.

/thread

Oh how I wish...

 

[KittySlayer]

Philmore on Broadway.

FW Museum of Art.

Caterer - Mad Anthony. The catering choices are very different from the bar menu or the online options.

 

[CountryBoy19]

Recently I posted a thread stating I got engaged.

Now its onto the wedding planing stage.

Do any of you have useful tips we can use to possibly help ease the stress?
Also, if anyone can point me to photographers/floral/DJs ect.

We are still looking for a venue here near the Fort Wayne area.
Looking at the landmark conference and reception centre for a venue right now.

Budget is 12.5k +/-

Thanks!

If you don't mind a little bit of a drive Wells County 4H fairgrounds has a rather nice heated & air-conditioned building that is very affordable. My biggest problem was that most reception places dictate that you must use their in-house caterers and voila you're paying a boat-load on food. I'm a big proponent of the free-market and open competition. Choosing the venue and choosing the caterer separate may quite possibly get you more of what you want and still save you some money. Wells County 4H Building has a full commercial kitchen and will allow anybody (including you/family) to do the food, you/caterer just has to clean up everything in the kitchen. IIRC, they also have real china plates and flatware there that you can "rent" if you want real china plates and flatware but your caterer doesn't provide them. The only big downside to having a reception there was no alcohol allowed on the premises except a small amount of champagne for the wedding party and parents/grandparents of the bride & groom; however I've heard that this may have changed.

Either way it wasn't a problem for us we consumed a significant amount of alcohol during the 40 minute limo ride and it kept the wedding party "going" until the champagne was uncorked...

One big regret that my wife and I have is the church we chose. It was her church since childhood, yet she despised the pastor. She wanted the wedding in "her church". She regretted that because she remembered a LOT more about having a pastor she despised marry us than the place we were married.

Other than that, I don't really have a great deal of tips, our wedding went rather well. A few small issues (expect that at least some small issues will arise and go in prepared to adapt and overcome those issues) came up like forgetting a corkscrew for the champagne and something with the flowers (florist forgot to make boutonnieres for father of the bride & groom I think). My wife was a good sport about the flowers, and we snagged a cousin and had him run to a liquor store to buy a corkscrew quick.

 

[ChristianPatriot]

We went cheap on the ceremony and big on the reception. It worked out great for us. We used a good photographer that was trying to build her portfolio and didn't charge us for her time. Again, they turned out fantastic. I think we ended up about 3-4k and it was gorgeous.

 

[femurphy77]

Keep it cheap. That way you don't look back in a few years and regret it during the divorce proceedings.

 

[mbills2223]

Keep it cheap. That way you don't look back in a few years and regret it during the divorce proceedings.

Why does someone always have to be a buzz kill in threads about marriage/weddings?

 

[CountryBoy19]

Why does someone always have to be a buzz kill in threads about marriage/weddings?

Jealous or bitter that they couldn't make their marriage work?

 

[CampingJosh]

My father-in-law surprised us with a professional fireworks show at our wedding reception. Naturally this can only happen in certain areas (our wedding reception was in a tent at the family farm, and the fireworks were in a field across the street). Nobody remembers what we ate or what the songs were, but everyone remembers the wedding with fireworks.

 

[ModernGunner]

Recently I posted a thread stating I got engaged... Do any of you have useful tips we can use to possibly help ease the stress? Budget is 12.5k +/-...

Yeah, sure do.

First off, congratulations!

Secondly, unless you're making that $12.5k +/- per week, save about $10k of that, and get your budget down to the remaining $2,500. Yeah, you read that right.

Bank that (CD, T-bill, Money Market, whatever), or use it to pay off any bills you and the Lady may currently have (cars / trucks, credit cards, school loans, etc.), or as a down payment (or part of) on a home. In 10 or 20 years, the wedding day will just be 'something you did', but that $10,000 may have grown significantly if you've been adding to it all that time.

Start off with as little debt as possible, preferably zero. What you don't want is being in a position where the two of you are struggling financially, especially if you have or plan on having children. That $10 grand is a good start on a college fund for the kids, or your retirement 'dream home or vacation' or whatever.

The people who truly care about the both of you aren't going to be impressed with a $12.5k wedding, or a wedding costing 10 or 100 times that much. A $2 million dollar reception is fun, for a day. After that, it's 'old news'. Good booze, though!

Use that budget to start your life off together on the right track, with no (or little) debt and / or a good chunk of change in the coffers.

That's alright, you can wait and thank me when you're 65 and ready to retire. I won't be here by then, but I'll 'hear' ya, just the same.

 

[zombieglock]

Thanks everyone.

Positive and negative

courthouse is out of the question.

In in regards to modern gunner: I understand fully what you're saying. Goal is now to save up and pay off the stuff as much as possible in cash. When she is out of school, we'll be about 180k in debt. So I have no way around being in debt. For my side of things, that 10k, I can have paid off in a year with my job, so intrerest will be somewhat low.

Thanks guys!

 

[hoosierdoc]

Don't feel you need to pay $15/person for liquor or more. Finding a place that lets you have a keg or two and some wine is good enough if you were thinking alcohol at all.

If her/your parents aren't paying, ask them to play a small role in planning things to make it special for them, but be clear that their role in planning is limited to that unless you ask for more help with something

 

[Bonkers4Bacon]

Luckily I had a proactive wife and mother-in-law so not much was required of me besides show up on wedding day If you have the same scenario, my advice is stay out of the way. Worked for me

 

[HoughMade]

Congratulations.

I'll let other handle the ceremony/reception suggestions.

My unsolicited, personal marriage advice:

#1 Do it once; do it right; never do it again.

#2 Get premarital counselling from somewhere.

#3 Don't have taboo subjects. Talk about it all. You have no idea how many people I know who never got together on when they were going to have kids, how many, and what religion they would raise them (if either has a preference). Those things break up marriages, but people avoid talking about them.

#4 Do not have a prenup or separate finances. If you feel these are necessary, see # 2 and #3 above- planning to fail makes walking away easier and more likely.

#5 There is no such thing as a 50-50 marriage...if you want it to last. That just results in each person insisting the other isn't GIVING their 50 while claiming they are. You are either 100% committed to each other and the marriage, or...see #2 above and possibly call off the whole thing.

I hope things go well for you and your intended.

 

[hoosierdoc]

^this

 

[NyleRN]

Listen to moderngunner and houghmade OP. Both gave you sound advice. Good advice doesn't cost you anything up front, but not listening to to it can cost you dearly later on

 

[indyg19]

My advice would be to figure out one or two things that you can own. I chose worrying about the bar and food. I took that off my wife's plate and I just handled it. She appreciated me being involved in the planning and I could control cost on one of the biggest expenses.
My other suggestion would be to do a line by line budget. That way when you say you have $X to spend on a dress she has to make a decision to spend more or less and bring that decision to you so you can talk about any additional costs. It also allows her to plan and make decisions about stuff that you don't care about like flowers.
As far as removing stress, remember at the end of your wedding you are married. That is your goal, right? Assuming you have a pastor lined up and the documents in hand, worst case scenario you are still married at the end of the day. Mission accomplished.

 

[KittySlayer]

Assuming you have a pastor lined up and the documents in hand, worst case scenario you are still married at the end of the day. Mission accomplished.

Remember, the only two people who know and care that the flowers are the wrong kind or the decorations are the wrong shade of pink or the icing on the cake is different than planned or any other minutia are the bride and her mother. You should only be focused on keeping one of those two people happy.

Your job - show up on time, don't trip going down the aisle, bring the ring and say I Do when asked.

 

[femurphy77]

Why does someone always have to be a buzz kill in threads about marriage/weddings?

Jealous or bitter that they couldn't make their marriage work?

No jealousy, regret, or bitterness. I couldn't be happier but it is what it is if you don't follow this VERY good advice.

Congratulations.

I'll let other handle the ceremony/reception suggestions.

My unsolicited, personal marriage advice:

#1 Do it once; do it right; never do it again.

#2 Get premarital counselling from somewhere.

#3 Don't have taboo subjects. Talk about it all. You have no idea how many people I know who never got together on when they were going to have kids, how many, and what religion they would raise them (if either has a preference). Those things break up marriages, but people avoid talking about them.

#4 Do not have a prenup or separate finances. If you feel these are necessary, see # 2 and #3 above- planning to fail makes walking away easier and more likely.

#5 There is no such thing as a 50-50 marriage...if you want it to last. That just results in each person insisting the other isn't GIVING their 50 while claiming they are. You are either 100% committed to each other and the marriage, or...see #2 above and possibly call off the whole thing.

I hope things go well for you and your intended.

Food for thought from Marriage and Divorce





"Marriage and divorce are both common experiences. In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. Healthy marriages are good for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also good for children; growing up in a happy home protects children from mental, physical, educational and social problems. However, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology"