White House Petition to Deport Piers Morgan

[pudly]

Well... If people didn't have enough incentive already, this might do it.

Deport me? If America won't change its crazy gun laws... I may deport myself says Piers Morgan | Mail Online

 

[UncleMike]

Well... If people didn't have enough incentive already, this might do it.

Deport me? If America won't change its crazy gun laws... I may deport myself says Piers Morgan | Mail Online

We couldn't be that lucky....

 

[Libertarian01]

To All,

I agree with the OP that the petition will go nowhere.

However, this is America, and the one thing we love as much as freedom is money.

The easy way to get Mr. Morgan off the air is simple:

#1) Watch his show for one (1) hour (or however long he is on);
#2) Note which companies are advertising before, during, and after;
#3) Contact each company respectfully informing them that you will boycott their products due to their support of such unamerican nonsense from his show. Oh yeah, and you'll ask all of your friends, neighbors and coworkers to do the same.

Once the advertisers start to get hundreds or thousands letters they will pull advertising dollars.

At which point CNN will very politely and respectfully thank Mr. Morgan for his service, but at this time we feel your presence has become a distraction to news coverage and wish you well far away from CNN.

If everyone did that instead of signing the silly petition he would be gone by now.

Just a thought...

Regards,

Doug

 

[Mark-of-Scotland]

Right...a lot of people over here are moaning about the possibility of him coming over.

I love you Americans very much and you've made me feel welcome here but now i am sorry but this is too much.

If you send Him back here i swear on all that is dear to me i will do everything in my power to ensure the following joke becomes reality.

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!



PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)

 

[kawtech87]

Right...a lot of people over here are moaning about the possibility of him coming over.

I love you Americans very much and you've made me feel welcome here but now i am sorry but this is too much.

If you send Him back here i swear on all that is dear to me i will do everything in my power to ensure the following joke becomes reality.

Didnt you folks deport political prisoners to Australia?

Just a thought...

 

[Mark-of-Scotland]

Didnt you folks deport political prisoners to Australia?

Just a thought...

Certainly not and i am shocked and outraged that you would make such an accusation...we deported ALL prisoners to Australia

Also...i have friends in Aus. I wouldn't subject them to Piers.

 

[kawtech87]

Certainly not and i am shocked and outraged that you would make such an accusation...we deported ALL prisoners to Australia

Also...i have friends in Aus. I wouldn't subject them to Piers.

Ah, well Antartica it is then...

 

[Mark-of-Scotland]

Ah, well Antartica it is then...

20 Bucks says he tries to remove beakers and drills from the scientists because he's got nothing else to Grab.

 

[Kedric]

Ah, well Antartica it is then...

What'd the poor hapless penguins ever do to you!??!?

 

[kawtech87]

What'd the poor hapless penguins ever do to you!??!?

Ok then Mars.

 

[Kedric]

Mars I'm okay with.

 

[actaeon277]

Maybe when he gets "sacked", he'll "fall on his sword"?

 

[cobber]

Maybe when he gets "sacked", he'll "fall on his sword"?

It's probably a VERY short one. Might not be lethal...

 

[cobber]

Didnt you folks deport political prisoners to Australia?

Only the ones with good teeth!