Newly married buddy MUST sell his guns according to his new wife

[KittySlayer]

THIS..... "Most" "counslers", are LEFT leaning, if not clear off the deep end .....BE careful, WHO

you choose .....

In addition, their personal lives are typically a morass of poor choices. Some people learn from their mistakes. I would prefer to get my advice/counseling from someone smart enough not to make a bunch of mistakes trying to figure out their own life.

 

[nakinate]

I got lucky. I didn't own guns when I got married. We were 22 and I wasn't raised with guns in the house (not that my family is antigun), so it wasn't even a conversation. 5-6 years into our marriage I mentioned getting a gun and my wife said she always assumed I'd get one eventually. I took that as a green light. It's a freaking expensive hobby/interest!

 

[Bfish]

I'm no spring chicken Bill and have learned a few things in this life. Not sticking my nose into other's business is one of the first things I learned. I stick to that as best possible.
When I bought his guns from him he explained it was just making a few compromises in their new relationship. I asked him what was she compromising on as far as the guns went. I think that's when his testosterone level raised up a bit and he left to get a few things clarified at home.
Other than her call I haven't heard anything else from either of them. IF he lets this behavior continue I guess it's his choice.
And before anyone asks... I paid for the guns with a check so there's a record of the sale. I paid a fair price for them and he has "buy back" privileges should the "need" arise.
I don't think any bridges have been burned up to this point so any friendships are still ok. I even think her and I can co-exist on this planet if need be.
I can tolerate stupid people up to a point. I don't like scheming or nasty people. The verdict is still out on her as far as I'm concerned. I'll give her a chance to become reasonable and nice.

I have been on your end of several conversations where a buddy was making a "compromise" but when I asked what her end of the compromise was I got a blank stare... I don't think that's how they work hahaha it's good to hear your buddy has opened his eyes a bit, and things may get better.

 

[JettaKnight]

It goes something like this...

A man and his wife are on their honeymoon. To show his dominance, the man takes off his pants and tells the woman, "Put on my pants."

She does but she says, "They're too big, they don't fit me."

He responds, "That's right, that's why I wear the pants in the relationship and always will."

The woman tells the man to put on her underwear. He tries but can't. He says, "I can't get into your panties."

She replies, "That's the way it's going to be unless you stop being an *******."

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Marry a woman with big hips.

 

[halfmileharry]

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Marry a woman with big hips.

That must be my problem then. "Keep 'em on their back so they stay off yours"

 

[edporch]

Originally Posted by shibumiseeker Yeah, that sounds great but real life isn't always that cut and dried. I gave 150% and it wasn't enough, it was never enough, and I got almost nothing back until she one day decided, without any conversation or hint there was an issue, that my all wasn't what she wanted. Yes, I chose poorly, and looking back I could see the warning signs, and no, I wasn't thinking with my pecker when I married her.

But abusive and controlling behavior should NEVER be tolerated. If the wife in the OP's story is being controlling and is unwilling to discuss it, compromise, or even seek counseling and work on it, then in my books that is controlling behavior which is a form of abuse and has zero part in a relationship. Now, if someone chooses to stay in that relationship out of a misguided sense of loyalty or honor instead of the trap that abused partners get into when the abuser controls their reality, then they deserve what they get.

Relationship advice in the form of "death before divorce" sounds all noble and great but isn't helpful. It takes two to tango whether that is 50/50 or 100/100.

I you have never experienced this then knowing how it can drive you into the ground can not be understood. Once you have lived it then the signs are neon.

Churchmouse, you're right.
(And it's what I learned from being with a controlling woman for 5 years, that led to me JUMPING on the chance to be with the woman who is my wife today.
Yes Churchmouse, you know my wife, and she has her quirks, but she and I "click" for the most part and I've never regretted marrying her)

I have experienced this control BS with the woman I was with before my present wife, but luckily realized before marrying her that it would be a disaster.
That's why I posted earlier in this thread that if he gives in on the guns, it will be the beginning of a never ending string of demands.

THIS is why if he hopes to save his marriage, he needs to stand firm on this.

It all started out as little things that I didn't mind compromising on, as I understand that any relationship is going to require SOME compromise around the edges.
But over time, the things I was asked to compromise on never ended, and got steadily more confining and demanding.

My friends and family asked me WHY I stayed with her?
I stayed because in spite of her ever worse controlling behavior, she had many GOOD qualities that I liked, she had two sons that I got along good with, and I wanted to see this through to the end without regret.

But by the time we'd been exclusively together for five years ( thank God she had a 3-5 year rule concerning getting married) I realized that this controlling issue would NEVER permanently change.

It even got to the point where she flat out told me "I'm trying to change you, but you keep resisting me".

I finally told her "I love you enough to marry you, but if we get married it will be a disaster".
We stayed platonic friends after that, but gradually drifted apart.

I still like her (though we haven't spoken in several years), in a lot of ways she's a good person, and I wish her the best, but we were NOT a good match.
I heard she got married for her 3rd time, and I can't imagine her not driving him crazy too like she did me!

BUT this time with her cemented in my mind what I DO want and DON'T want in a wife.

So 10 years ago, I got reconnected on an online dating site after +-30 years with a woman I'd known long ago at IU Bloomington that we got along great, became good friends, and even later dated awhile, but the "friends don't date" BS got in the way.

My wife is proof that "friend's should date", because if it works you end up with somebody you can get long with on a day to day basis in the LONG run.

 

[Leo]

Sorry I spent so much time thinking this out. Marriage is supposed to be a full commitment, so that is a big criteria in the solution.

The man needs to purchase a duplex style home. Have a joining door between the bedrooms of the two units to be convenient for marital responsibilities. Keep the firearms and anything else the man treasures in one side, and the wife and her lifestyle in the other.

detente!

 

[oldpink]

Sorry I spent so much time thinking this out. Marriage is supposed to be a full commitment, so that is a big criteria in the solution.

The man needs to purchase a duplex style home. Have a joining door between the bedrooms of the two units to be convenient for marital responsibilities. Keep the firearms and anything else the man treasures in one side, and the wife and her lifestyle in the other.

detente!

Scorned husband gives ex half of everything he owns ? literally

 

[Caleb]

It's going to be a rough couple of years for them...

 

[halfmileharry]

It's going to be a rough couple of years for them...

My money is on the next couple of months being rough.
He's been driving his truck since they got married.
She's been driving his Acura SUV but she was informed he is going to be driving the Acura again so she's going to have to find a car to drive. He might have followed her iron hand rule but I don't think it's going to go over as she had envisioned.

 

[churchmouse]

My money is on the next couple of months being rough.
He's been driving his truck since they got married.
She's been driving his Acura SUV but she was informed he is going to be driving the Acura again so she's going to have to find a car to drive. He might have followed her iron hand rule but I don't think it's going to go over as she had envisioned.

So she did not bring much to the table past what she was born with.
He was smart to get the guns out of the house for several reasons.

 

[halfmileharry]

So she did not bring much to the table past what she was born with.
He was smart to get the guns out of the house for several reasons.

Kinda reminds me of "Watch what you wish for"
He asked my opinion today and I told him I wasn't sticking my nose in their marriage. All I said to him was "Put on your big boy pants and make your own decisions".

 

[Crusader17]

Seems like a good start to a lifetime of fun for all. Maybe she will come around.

 

[churchmouse]

Kinda reminds me of "Watch what you wish for"
He asked my opinion today and I told him I wasn't sticking my nose in their marriage. All I said to him was "Put on your big boy pants and make your own decisions".

Yeah 1 phone call is enough I am sure.

 

[SEIndSAM]

Kinda reminds me of "Watch what you wish for"
He asked my opinion today and I told him I wasn't sticking my nose in their marriage. All I said to him was "Put on your big boy pants and make your own decisions".

Wow, this all sounds sooooooo familiar.....ALL of my friends tried to warn me about the first wife, but I didn't listen......I am wishing him the best of luck....

 

[churchmouse]

Wow, this all sounds sooooooo familiar.....ALL of my friends tried to warn me about the first wife, but I didn't listen......I am wishing him the best of luck....

Yup. My 1st "X" cleaned my clock.
There were 3 kids involved so I just stepped back and let the chips fall.

 

[THE BIG SITT]

Marriage shouldn't be 50%-50%. It should be 100%-100%, with each spouse willing to give up everything for the other, never demanding that the other kick in their percentage.

"You must spread some Reputation around..."

 

[hog slayer]

Marriage shouldn't be 50%-50%. It should be 100%-100%, with each spouse willing to give up everything for the other, never demanding that the other kick in their percentage.

Bangin!

 

[spec4]

Kinda reminds me of "Watch what you wish for"
He asked my opinion today and I told him I wasn't sticking my nose in their marriage. All I said to him was "Put on your big boy pants and make your own decisions".

I disagree somewhat, depending how strong your friendship is. I grew up with my best friend and we both talk straight to each other. When he was engaged, he got cold feet. He asked me what to do and I told him he already made the decision. Turns out over the years she p whipped him a lot and she kept me (a bad influence) at bay for many years and he allowed it. He could have and should have bailed out early on, but decided to stay.

Your friend needs guidance. This bad situation will only get worse. Plus they're not young foolish kids. If he stays he will regret it. Get him out and have some heart to heart talks over quality draft beer.

 

[littletommy]

I could tell some stories about my 1st wife, wow! A lot of what has been posted in this thread sounds eerily familiar. As an example of my EXs controlling BS, my youngest son turned 18 at the beginning of this month, the morning of his milestone birthday, we were eating breakfast and he nonchalantly said "I'm just glad I never have to go to moms again".