“What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

[Stang51d]

Now, many many years ago
When I was twenty three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
My daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife

To complicate the matters
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad

For if he was my uncle
That also made him the brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother

My father's wife then had a son
That kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because, she is my wife
She's my grandmother too

Now, if my wife is my grandmother
Then, I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa

 

[hoosierdaddy1976]

I'm my own grandpa. Lol

Please elaborate.

Now, many many years ago
When I was twenty three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
My daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife

To complicate the matters
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad

For if he was my uncle
That also made him the brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother

My father's wife then had a son
That kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because, she is my wife
She's my grandmother too

Now, if my wife is my grandmother
Then, I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa

be careful what you wish for....

 

[hopper68]

set to music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYlJH81dSiw

 

[gungirl65]

Maybe I started this wrong.... My fiance and I live together with my daughter when she is home from College. My husband lives with my other two children.

My fiance's wife just had a baby with her live in boyfriend. They live 1500 miles away in their home with my fiance's and his wife's daughter.

I think the common link here is there is no "normal" nuclear family anymore. The Cleaver family is a thing of the past.



Things get confusing when no one is legally divorced. I am the only one here?

You are not alone. There are others here who are bound to others by nothing more than a piece of paper or economics. There are several of us whose marriages are over but we cannot yet make it formal.

I will start the confessions since no one else has, you are not the only one waiting for Jerry Springer to call. I am all the time looking for his secret cameras. This can't really be happening to me, can it? My life used to be so normal and boring. That changed for me when I lost my well paying job almost 4 years ago. I went from being the main breadwinner to being frequently belittled and bullied. I've been sleeping on the couch and avoiding almost all contact with him for almost 3 years. We are leading mostly separate lives.

My job loss originally was a blessing because of my 80 year old mother's declining health due to Alzheimer's. I have been able to assist in her care while she still kind of remembers me.

Conditions at home are steadily declining. It's time to start over. All I need is a job paying at least a little more than half of what I used to make and I can have my very own life again. I am desperately looking for a job. I've never been unemployed before. Until I find a new job and my ticket to freedom, I will continue hiding out at mother's house whenever he is in town.

That's just the short Jerry Springer quick interview version. There is so much more that I would never air publicly. But I am sure you get the picture. So to answer your question, no you are not alone. Welcome to the farm.

Wanna be my friend? We seem to have some things in common.


**A note for the can it be saved people, please don't deluge me with well meaning thoughts and religious passages. There is no saving or fixing my marriage. I have very good reasons but cannot air them. Some things cannot be fixed or forgiven. I am an analytical and rational person. This was not an emotional decision or one made overnight.

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

You are not alone. There are others here who are bound to others by nothing more than a piece of paper or economics. There are several of us whose marriages are over but we cannot yet make it formal.

I will start the confessions since no one else has, you are not the only one waiting for Jerry Springer to call. I am all the time looking for his secret cameras. This can't really be happening to me, can it? My life used to be so normal and boring. That changed for me when I lost my well paying job almost 4 years ago. I went from being the main breadwinner to being frequently belittled and bullied. I've been sleeping on the couch and avoiding almost all contact with him for almost 3 years. We are leading mostly separate lives.

My job loss originally was a blessing because of my 80 year old mother's declining health due to Alzheimer's. I have been able to assist in her care while she still kind of remembers me.

Conditions at home are steadily declining. It's time to start over. All I need is a job paying at least a little more than half of what I used to make and I can have my very own life again. I am desperately looking for a job. I've never been unemployed before. Until I find a new job and my ticket to freedom, I will continue hiding out at mother's house whenever he is in town.

That's just the short Jerry Springer quick interview version. There is so much more that I would never air publicly. But I am sure you get the picture. So to answer your question, no you are not alone. Welcome to the farm.

Wanna be my friend? We seem to have some things in common.


**A note for the can it be saved people, please don't deluge me with well meaning thoughts and religious passages. There is no saving or fixing my marriage. I have very good reasons but cannot air them. Some things cannot be fixed or forgiven. I am an analytical and rational person. This was not an emotional decision or one made overnight.

Believe it or not, I probably understand your situation better than you could possibly comprehend. I've barely scratched the surface with my entry here, and I know far better than to offer you advice just from what you've posted. Just know there are those of us that have had experiences similar enough that we can at least comprehend, at least hold your hand when you need it. I've come through to the other side, and it's great here. You can make it, too. Help when you need it, right here. I've found I can do that pretty well.

Hey, wasn't this about being friends?

 

[buckstopshere]

 

[RedneckReject]

You are not alone. There are others here who are bound to others by nothing more than a piece of paper or economics. There are several of us whose marriages are over but we cannot yet make it formal.

I will start the confessions since no one else has, you are not the only one waiting for Jerry Springer to call. I am all the time looking for his secret cameras. This can't really be happening to me, can it? My life used to be so normal and boring. That changed for me when I lost my well paying job almost 4 years ago. I went from being the main breadwinner to being frequently belittled and bullied. I've been sleeping on the couch and avoiding almost all contact with him for almost 3 years. We are leading mostly separate lives.

My job loss originally was a blessing because of my 80 year old mother's declining health due to Alzheimer's. I have been able to assist in her care while she still kind of remembers me.

Conditions at home are steadily declining. It's time to start over. All I need is a job paying at least a little more than half of what I used to make and I can have my very own life again. I am desperately looking for a job. I've never been unemployed before. Until I find a new job and my ticket to freedom, I will continue hiding out at mother's house whenever he is in town.

That's just the short Jerry Springer quick interview version. There is so much more that I would never air publicly. But I am sure you get the picture. So to answer your question, no you are not alone. Welcome to the farm.

Wanna be my friend? We seem to have some things in common.


**A note for the can it be saved people, please don't deluge me with well meaning thoughts and religious passages. There is no saving or fixing my marriage. I have very good reasons but cannot air them. Some things cannot be fixed or forgiven. I am an analytical and rational person. This was not an emotional decision or one made overnight.

No one is perfect. No one has the perfect life. Anyone who claims to is a liar. Anyone who looks down on you for not attaining perfection is not worth your time. I had to wait longer than I wanted for a divorce because by the time I could afford one I was already pregnant with another man's child and Indiana says divorce while pregnant is a no-no. So here I am legally married to a man I haven't lived with in years and pregnant with someone else's child. I don't feel bad about it. I'm still with that man and he gave me not one but two children. Let Jerry Springer come knocking on my door. If making fun of the skeletons in my closet gives people joy then so be it. The people who matter to me realize that my skeletons are no worse than theirs. We all have them. Like it or not.

Oh and gungirl I hope you find your way out soon. It took me a long time too. It was a long hard road (that I went down TWICE but that's a totally different story) but it was well worth it in the end.

 

[Mrs Evilwrench]

I think if we are truly honest with ourselves, we all have a little Springer episode in our lives. I empathize so strongly with you, GunGirl... and you,too, Redneck. I decided when my son was born that I was not going to be one of those women who had a revolving door of "uncles" in and out of our lives. Being a single Mom and working full-time, I didn't really have the time to date anyhow. It took me 10 years to find MrE. PM me if you want to talk, I'll be happy to give either of you my number. Wasn't there a movie like the Second Wives Club? Maybe we can form our own branch... I think in my case it would have to be called Multiplicity or something like that!

 

[gungirl65]

I used to feel like a freak because of my situation. I was embarrassed to admit to others that I was a finalist for my own Jerry Springer episode. My situation happens to other people, not people like me. Imagine my surprise when I started opening up to others and found out I wasn't the only one. We've only heard from the women but we have male members too.

I feel for everyone who finds themselves in this miserable situation but at the same time, I am so relieved to know I am not the only one. It's comforting to know that things like this do happen to nice people. It's nice to know that being in this situation does not make me or anyone else a bad person. It's nice to know that a normal life is possible to have again.

I've been in a similar "here" before. Unfortunately this isn't my first bad marriage. The first time I was a child bride seduced by an charming, older and abusive man. My daughter was born a month after I turned 17. It was a horrible situation but I was able to free myself from him when my daughter was almost seven months old. I raised my daughter alone while working and attending college full time. I got my AS and BS degrees and worked in a professional capacity until the time I lost my job.

I am a strong woman, I will get through this. I've done it before, I will do it again. For me personally, I think the hardest part is keeping my self esteem intact so I can move on. Those in a similar situation know that the trick to surviving this is to not allow our insignificant others to succeed when they strive to destroy our inner selves in order to continue to control us.

 

[Birds Away]

It can be just as bad, if not worse, for men. When you realize that the person you are married to is not the person you thought she was, you have a decision to make. The complicating factor is that, for a man, leaving means also leaving the children. At that point you will have no control over who gets to play "daddy" to them. There could be a stream of "uncles" coming through the door. What are the odds that one or more will be an alcoholic, abusive, or a pedophile? Not a chance I was willing to take. Sometimes you really have to set your priorities. So you suck it up and take one for the team. Staying meant a lot of loneliness. But leaving them to their fate, whatever that might be, could have been much worse. So they had a stable childhood and have grown up to be in stable relationships. One is a college graduate and the other will be soon. If given the opportunity I would gladly do it all again for the same result.

 

[Myla]

You are not alone. There are others here who are bound to others by nothing more than a piece of paper or economics. There are several of us whose marriages are over but we cannot yet make it formal.

I will start the confessions since no one else has, you are not the only one waiting for Jerry Springer to call. I am all the time looking for his secret cameras. This can't really be happening to me, can it? My life used to be so normal and boring. That changed for me when I lost my well paying job almost 4 years ago. I went from being the main breadwinner to being frequently belittled and bullied. I've been sleeping on the couch and avoiding almost all contact with him for almost 3 years. We are leading mostly separate lives.

My job loss originally was a blessing because of my 80 year old mother's declining health due to Alzheimer's. I have been able to assist in her care while she still kind of remembers me.

Conditions at home are steadily declining. It's time to start over. All I need is a job paying at least a little more than half of what I used to make and I can have my very own life again. I am desperately looking for a job. I've never been unemployed before. Until I find a new job and my ticket to freedom, I will continue hiding out at mother's house whenever he is in town.

That's just the short Jerry Springer quick interview version. There is so much more that I would never air publicly. But I am sure you get the picture. So to answer your question, no you are not alone. Welcome to the farm.

Wanna be my friend? We seem to have some things in common.


**A note for the can it be saved people, please don't deluge me with well meaning thoughts and religious passages. There is no saving or fixing my marriage. I have very good reasons but cannot air them. Some things cannot be fixed or forgiven. I am an analytical and rational person. This was not an emotional decision or one made overnight.

Thank you for your honesty. Our stories are very similar. I did decide to leave and take care of me. I've had bad things happen to me but as far as I see it as long as I learned something along the way, it's all good.

Everyday is a gift that needs to be embraced.

When my fiance and I were in our home doing what we do, just being good to one another and making each other smile and giggle. It dawned on me as I watched my son watch us that how Mommy and Daddy were together is not as fun to watch than Mommy with Dave (my fiance).

I imagined that what if my kids grew up thinking that sleeping on separate floors and not talking to each other was an "OK" marriage. It would have killed me to see them settle for less then. I want to be an example to them of what a healthy relationship is. What happiness can be, what it looks like.

He already thinks I'm a super hero because of everything I can do with just half a body.

I do my best and and that's all I can do. Move forward and not look back.

 

[Myla]

Believe it or not, I probably understand your situation better than you could possibly comprehend. I've barely scratched the surface with my entry here, and I know far better than to offer you advice just from what you've posted. Just know there are those of us that have had experiences similar enough that we can at least comprehend, at least hold your hand when you need it. I've come through to the other side, and it's great here. You can make it, too. Help when you need it, right here. I've found I can do that pretty well.

Hey, wasn't this about being friends?

You are so right. People kept telling me "this too shall pass". Well it did. AND here we are alive and kicking.

 

[Mrs Evilwrench]

This was the biggest factor for me, trying to model a healthy relationship for my son. His father chose to walk away from us, and I did not want a stream of "uncle-daddys" in my son's life, so I stayed single. Honestly, I also did not trust myself enough to make a healthy choice for a mate/role model/father. Only people who have truly walked this road understand. I am grateful for the chance to break the cycle of abuse, to raise our boys to be healthy and happy with themselves as they are. I am still terribly insecure at times (codependency sucks) but I am a better person today than I was even a few months ago. As my 10-year-old tells me, "Live without regrets." When did he get so wise?!

 

[RedneckReject]

I find things have a way of working themselves out in the end. And Gungirl your story sounds so much like mine it's terrifying. Just seriously spooky! I actually look back and realize that some of those tough times made me who I am today. As much pain as it caused at the time I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad it happened the way it did. Maybe some of those things led me to where I am today. And today, at this very moment, I am happy. That's all that matters in the end.

 

[Benny]

Replace the red with more blue and this is pretty much all of my best friends.

 

[RedneckReject]

Replace the red with more blue and this is pretty much all of my best friends.

Yep! I hear that completely.

 

[buckstopshere]

Replace the red with more blue and this is pretty much all of my best friends.

You're such a douche Benny

This better pal?

 

[RedneckReject]

The green sliver is far too big...

 

[Myla]

This was the biggest factor for me, trying to model a healthy relationship for my son. His father chose to walk away from us, and I did not want a stream of "uncle-daddys" in my son's life, so I stayed single. Honestly, I also did not trust myself enough to make a healthy choice for a mate/role model/father. Only people who have truly walked this road understand. I am grateful for the chance to break the cycle of abuse, to raise our boys to be healthy and happy with themselves as they are. I am still terribly insecure at times (codependency sucks) but I am a better person today than I was even a few months ago. As my 10-year-old tells me, "Live without regrets." When did he get so wise?!

Yes I understand about codependency, I too am one and working on it. Insecurity is also a very real word in my head. What others see and what I see in the mirror are so totally different.
Your ten year old is wise. We were all born pure. Innocent without hate, bad experiences, preconceived notions, etc...
I heard that if I look at the world through a 3 year old's eyes as if it was my first time ever experiencing something, my perception of life and my reaction to people and situations would be different.

Wow this thread is getting pretty heavy. Truth really is stranger than fiction.

I find things have a way of working themselves out in the end. And Gungirl your story sounds so much like mine it's terrifying. Just seriously spooky! I actually look back and realize that some of those tough times made me who I am today. As much pain as it caused at the time I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad it happened the way it did. Maybe some of those things led me to where I am today. And today, at this very moment, I am happy. That's all that matters in the end.

Same story for me, be proud of who you are becoming.
Yesterday is gone and we can't change it as hard as we try (just a losing battle), if I worry about tomorrow, today becomes insignificant. So enjoy today.
You guys are awesome!

I have these framed and posted on my wall, great daily reminders
http://www.i2icustom.com/vendors/INGO/If I knew.pdf
http://www.i2icustom.com/vendors/INGO/Just for today.pdf

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will be happy. This assume to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, *Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.*[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will Take my *luck* as it comes, and fit myself into it[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today:I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study I will not be a mental loafer I will read something that requires effort Thought and concentration.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will exercise my soul in three ways: it will do somebody a good turn and not get found out; if anybody know of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do-- just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt: they may be hurt but today I will not show it.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low,be courteous,criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody else but myself.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will have a program I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it I will save myself from two pests: Hurry and Indecision's.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime I will try to get a better perspective of my life.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Just for today: I will be un-afraid Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give back to me Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference BY~ Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr[/FONT]​

 

[gungirl65]