25 year marriage in the toilet

[LEaSH]

Birthdays shouldn't mean anything to men. But if you must celebrate, find a nice girl and ... pop a cork or something.

 

[slowG]

The only advice I can give you from what I've seen with friends and family deal with this.... Is
(I haven't read the entire thread so , not sure if you said it's a done deal or not)

if you can't ever truly forgive her then you need to move on. If you hold the grudge it will make both of your lives miserable .. You'll never be happy. Good luck!

 

[remauto1187]

First rule.... The element of suprise is your friend. Dont threaten (AKA: WARN) anything. Just do it and let her find out after you have already done it. Second... BEAT HIS ASS! Someone needs to teach him a lesson in life that you dont mess with another mans wife. BEAT IT REAL GOOD!

Im not here to bash on women but they are absolute wild crazed animals when it comes time to pay the piper in a divorce. She will lie and steal (She already cheated so...) to get you to believe what she wants you to believe before, during AND after the divorce.

I wouldnt even warn her what is coming and wouldnt even tell her that you have lawyered up...NO WARNINGS!

Get your stuff out of the house without her knowing until after all your stuff that you dont want sold is out of there! Cancel ALL credit cards! Cancel all debit cards. If you have direct deposit, change it to a new account that is in your name only! Hide all titles (out of the house) even if only her name is on them and dont give them up until lawyer or a judge tells you to!

Any stocks, etc. with both your names on them.... SELL THEM! Cash them out! Move money where she cannot get to it!

Remember! Half of zero is still zero. Get it now before she does!

 

[Clay]

sorry to hear it. Terrible stuff all the way around.

A friend of mine at work with through a similar situation, without the cheating. I don't think he had the greatest marriage, and he would probably tell you that, but he wasn't ready to give up. He was blindsided by his now X.

She had someone come in while he was at work and inventory EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING. Went through his garage, tools, etc so that she had a record of everything. Then a few days later while he was at work she cleaned out the house and moved.

NOW, this is only MY opinion, but after hearing all the issues he went through, if you are 100% positive this isn't something you can, or want, to fix, then be the one to make the first strike, and protect yourself as best you can.

 

[churchmouse]

First rule.... The element of suprise is your friend. Dont threaten (AKA: WARN) anything. Just do it and let her find out after you have already done it. Second... BEAT HIS ASS! Someone needs to teach him a lesson in life that you dont mess with another mans wife. BEAT IT REAL GOOD!

Im not here to bash on women but they are absolute wild crazed animals when it comes time to pay the piper in a divorce. She will lie and steal (She already cheated so...) to get you to believe what she wants you to believe before, during AND after the divorce.

I wouldnt even warn her what is coming and wouldnt even tell her that you have lawyered up...NO WARNINGS!

Get your stuff out of the house without her knowing until after all your stuff that you dont want sold is out of there! Cancel ALL credit cards! Cancel all debit cards. If you have direct deposit, change it to a new account that is in your name only! Hide all titles (out of the house) even if only her name is on them and dont give them up until lawyer or a judge tells you to!

Any stocks, etc. with both your names on them.... SELL THEM! Cash them out! Move money where she cannot get to it!

Remember! Half of zero is still zero. Get it now before she does!

Bitter are we. Been there my friend. Been there.

 

[hooky]

Get your stuff out of the house without her knowing until after all your stuff that you dont want sold is out of there! Cancel ALL credit cards! Cancel all debit cards. If you have direct deposit, change it to a new account that is in your name only! Hide all titles (out of the house) even if only her name is on them and dont give them up until lawyer or a judge tells you to!

Any stocks, etc. with both your names on them.... SELL THEM! Cash them out! Move money where she cannot get to it!

Remember! Half of zero is still zero. Get it now before she does!

I've been on the other end of that and my advise is to NOT do that. It won't end well if you do. Change passwords on stock and retirement accounts, but don't liquidate anything. Don't take any legal property titles that are in her name and "hide" them. Have an accounting for every asset, every last dime of cash, joint accounts or not. IANAL but I had a good one.

 

[steveh_131]

I've been on the other end of that and my advise is to NOT do that. It won't end well if you do. Change passwords on stock and retirement accounts, but don't liquidate anything. Don't take any legal property titles that are in her name and "hide" them. Have an accounting for every asset, every last dime of cash, joint accounts or not. IANAL but I had a good one.

Yeah, and definitely don't beat anyone up. What on earth would that accomplish?

Is there a particular reason why reconciliation isn't an option? That would be my first recommendation. I'll never regret my choice to do so.

 

[churchmouse]

Yeah, and definitely don't beat anyone up. What on earth would that accomplish?

Is there a particular reason why reconciliation isn't an option? That would be my first recommendation. I'll never regret my choice to do so.

Read the thread. He stated they are done.

No, do not seek him out and pound on him. She allowed this. He is just a man. An idiot....yes but still.
I have had confrontations with the 1st "X"s new man but not over her. My kids. He paid dearly for those mistakes and so did I. It cost me a lot to get out of that one. It almost cost me seeing my kids. Leave him be. Let him deal with her know.
Journey.....Loving, touching, squeezing. It is true.

 

[PaulJF]

You probably love her and want to think the best of her. She made a mistake and you think it was a one time thing or just one person. I understand. I am on my 4th. I am a trusting person and wanted to believe the best of my spouses. But take the advice of others and get a lawyer on the double quick time. Protect yourself and your things. You may think the heck with it and just let her have everything, just get it over with. Wrong... she will take it all if she can and you will be left with nothing. Good luck and I wish you the bwst.

 

[hooky]

I forgot to add this, but I'm sure your lawyer told you this morning, get a legal separation as soon as possible. That was great advice as it helped me avoid being on the hook for about 40K in credit card debt that got ran up entertaining the new guy in her life while we worked through the divorce proceedings.

 

[remauto1187]

Bitter are we. Been there my friend. Been there.

Nope. Not me. My divorce went excellent. She got nothing, and I paid/gave her NOTHING. Just like I told her it would go down. I left her for a very different reason.

 

[churchmouse]

Nope. Not me. My divorce went excellent. She got nothing, and I paid/gave her NOTHING. Just like I told her it would go down. I left her for a very different reason.

Well, you are one of the lucky ones.

 

[remauto1187]

Read the thread. He stated they are done.

No, do not seek him out and pound on him. She allowed this. He is just a man. An idiot....yes but still.
I have had confrontations with the 1st "X"s new man but not over her. My kids. He paid dearly for those mistakes and so did I. It cost me a lot to get out of that one. It almost cost me seeing my kids. Leave him be. Let him deal with her know.
Journey.....Loving, touching, squeezing. It is true.

While i dont disagree for the most part with all this....I leave this thread saying>..... If enough "men" get their ass beat they will think twice before messing around with another mans wife.

 

[remauto1187]

Well, you are one of the lucky ones.

I was...but it was because I was always 10 steps ahead of her even after almost 13yrs of marriage (no kids thank god).

 

[churchmouse]

While i dont disagree for the most part with all this....I leave this thread saying>..... If enough "men" get their ass beat they will think twice before messing around with another mans wife.

Only the smart ones. I had a life long friend that just never learned to stop touching what was not his to touch. He got his butt pounded more than a few times for this very reason. Some idiots just do not get it.
Know a few more like that as well. They just see no boundary's.

He is no longer in my circle. Got tired of bailing him out of situations.

 

[remauto1187]

Only the smart ones. I had a life long friend that just never learned to stop touching what was not his to touch. He got his butt pounded more than a few times for this very reason. Some idiots just do not get it.
Know a few more like that as well. They just see no boundary's.

He is no longer in my circle. Got tired of bailing him out of situations.

One day... He may "disappear". One of the first things out of my mouth is "Do you have a husband/boyfriend" when I start talking to a woman. I dont want to find out what it feels like to be staring down the barrel of ANY gun!

 

[churchmouse]

One day... He may "disappear". One of the first things out of my mouth is "Do you have a husband/boyfriend" when I start talking to a woman. I dont want to find out what it feels like to be staring down the barrel of ANY gun!

I have been tricked a few times in my younger life.

 

[Gluemanz28]

I tried to be civil and hire a run of the mill attorney on my last divorce because I thought it would go smoothly. Well that lasted for about two weeks then the wheels came off the cart. My lawyer was a joke. Her attorney was an ex-prosecutor and a woman that just went through a divorce herself. She could do what ever she wanted in court and the judge woun't say a word.

if I had it to do over again I would hire the meanest attorney money could buy. At least you can pull him or her back in, but you can't turn a poodle into a pit bull. If there is another lawyer in town that you don't want her to have that is know for taking guys to the cleaners, go pay the one hour consultation fee the keep her from getting them.

Sometimes love turns to hate very quickly. Just remember a marriage is just like a business when you take away the emotions.

The comments that friends and family are important right now is so true and your about to find out who they are.

 

[steveh_131]

Read the thread. He stated they are done.

I read it, I saw what he said. I was asking why it wasn't an option and encouraging him to consider it further.

He asked for advice, that's mine. Don't give up.

 

[Blown71X]

steveh_131

While I can not nor will not give details on a public forum, The circumstances will never allow me to forgive or forget so it would be wasted time trying.....I`ll leave it at that


Rick