Advice please ref: son “shooting” at us

[HoughMade]

Very good advice here!

Kids want discipline on top of needing it. They want to know exactly what is right and wrong. It is the parents JOB to provide this.

Sometimes all jobs suck, but you still have to do the job.

Done right, you work your way out of a job and get to sit back and watch the (hopefully) rewarding results.

 

[Dead Duck]

Eventually he's gonna run out of ammo. Even Cootie Spray didn't last forever.

 

[7.62]

One other thing I noticed, "Consequences only upset him"

That's because the consequences aren't effective. I never thought, "I'm mad at my dad because he disciplined me ". I always thought, "That hurt. I shouldn't do that again!"

Agree with this completely. My 6 year old son, although not perfect, is extremely well behaved and knows and follows rules very well. It's mostly because consequences upset him, and he would rather be happy. But he knows I don't care if he is upset when he is the one that caused the issue by not listening. He also knows the the consequences don't go away, very much the opposite. They grow until he gets the point. So he just listens the first time I tell him now.

Funny/relevant side note, my wife use to be an ultra softy. So one day I get home and my wife says my son wasn't listening to directions she had gave him. So I asked him "why is it that when I tell you something you say Yes sir and do what I tell you immediately but you test your mom?" he tells me "Dad because you don't play games, if you say do it and I don't then I know I'm in big trouble. Mom doesn't always do that." It was a great moment of honesty from him that showed my wife she needed to discipline more and be consistent. Also like rookie said if the consequence isn't working, it's probably not effective. For me personally, I never use that I'll count to 3 or timeout bs. You gotta find what really motivates them, lots of times a sore behind is the exact motivation they need.

 

[femurphy77]

Return fire! https://nerf.hasbro.com/en-us/super-soaker


Yeah I know, no help. But FUN!!


You could use my exes approach "Don't make me get off my fat ass off this couch and be a parent"!!


There may be some editorial comments in there but you get the gist of it.

 

[HoughMade]

Agree with this completely. My 6 year old son, although not perfect, is extremely well behaved and knows and follows rules very well. It's mostly because consequences upset him, and he would rather be happy. But he knows I don't care if he is upset when he is the one that caused the issue by not listening. He also knows the the consequences don't go away, very much the opposite. They grow until he gets the point. So he just listens the first time I tell him now.

A parent cannot afford to lose a battle of wills with a child. Never.

I get it. It's a pain. It seems like no fun around the house. That passes. As many times as the kid will challenge a parent, the parent must ALWAYS be willing to go one more time. It won't last forever. It will just seem like it. My oldest (22) and third child (16) are the strong willed ones and it was annoying to have to meet their challenges every time, but it was worth it. They generally do what is right now and we get along great. Being tough hasn't ruined our relationship if you are worried about that.

That being said, taking this approach from the beginning meant battles of the will occurred over 4, 5, 6 or 7 year olds' issues, not 15, 16 or 19. I can only imagine.

 

[abnk]

If he were two or three years old, that would be hilarious. At five, he's probably too old to do that--or talking back, or any other displays of direct anger toward parents--without consequences. Belts are useful for more than one thing.

 

[Hoosierdood]

A parent cannot afford to lose a battle of wills with a child. Never.

I get it. It's a pain. It seems like no fun around the house. That passes. As many times as the kid will challenge a parent, the parent must ALWAYS be willing to go one more time. It won't last forever. It will just seem like it. My oldest (22) and third child (16) are the strong willed ones and it was annoying to have to meet their challenges every time, but it was worth it. They generally do what is right now and we get along great. Being tough hasn't ruined our relationship if you are worried about that.

That being said, taking this approach from the beginning meant battles of the will occurred over 4, 5, 6 or 7 year olds' issues, not 15, 16 or 19. I can only imagine.

When my oldest daughter (the strong willed one) was 2 years old, we decided to move her from the crib to a toddler bed. She never liked being put to bed, especially when me and the wife were still up. Shortly after putting her down, here she comes walking into the living room. I put her back to bed and told her to stay in the bed and don't get up. She did it a second time. I warned her again. Third time, she got a swat on the butt. This merry-go-round continued for another 21 swats before she finally gave in and stayed in bed. I had won.

She is 18 now, and I've never had an issue with her challenging me since then. Oh, she will challenge other people plenty. But not me.

 

[Cameramonkey]

When my oldest daughter (the strong willed one) was 2 years old, we decided to move her from the crib to a toddler bed. She never liked being put to bed, especially when me and the wife were still up. Shortly after putting her down, here she comes walking into the living room. I put her back to bed and told her to stay in the bed and don't get up. She did it a second time. I warned her again. Third time, she got a swat on the butt. This merry-go-round continued for another 21 swats before she finally gave in and stayed in bed. I had won.

She is 18 now, and I've never had an issue with her challenging me since then. Oh, she will challenge other people plenty. But not me.

I'll respectfully (and jokingly/non judgementally) argue that with that many swats, your punishment wasnt really effective. If it were, it would have been a low single digit count. She just got tired of the repeated trips and finally passed out on her own.

 

[Hoosierdood]

I'll respectfully (and jokingly/non judgementally) argue that with that many swats, your punishment wasnt really effective. If it were, it would have been a low single digit count. She just got tired of the repeated trips and finally passed out on her own.

A win is a win.

 

[wingrider1800]

1st rule young people should learn is not to mess with old people.

 

[HoughMade]

I'll respectfully (and jokingly/non judgementally) argue that with that many swats, your punishment wasnt really effective. If it were, it would have been a low single digit count. She just got tired of the repeated trips and finally passed out on her own.

In this instance, if he was willing to go to 21 and that got the job done....it worked. This is exactly what I meant. How many parents would have caved well before this point? If you do- once- the kids know that all they have to do is keep being defiant and they will get their way. You either teach them at 2 or 3 o 4 that this won't work, or you end up with problem children later (if they are the type to push).

In fact, it starts even earlier. Once babies can go 6 hours between feedings, they need to be sleeping 6 hours at night (barring a diaper "blowout"). If they just had their last feeding before bed and wake up an hour later crying, let them cry. DO NOT get them out and rock them. You just taught the baby that it can get what it wants, when it wants. Consistent schedules and consistent treatment are the keys to success.

You don't start expecting compliance after years of indulging and have it work well. Want teens who aren't horrible? Start at birth.

 

[RobbyMaQ]

He's 5. He will grow out of it.
If anything it helps you to identify how long it'll be before you put a real firearm in his hands. And all kids are different in terms of maturity, level of interest, etc...

Now if he's doing it out of anger (vs playing) then perhaps that's something that might need addressed in other ways...

just my opinion.

 

[BigRed]

I am out of ideas. Going to reach out to the vast experience and knowledge of INGO.

My 5 year old tends to “shoot” mom, dad, and/or grandma when he gets mad. Points his finger like a gun and goes ‘pew’.

This has been going on quite a while. Last Christmas we gave him nerf guns do he could start w the rules early. Those he loses when he aims those at a person. Basically (here is hoping I don’t jinx things) that problem has stopped.

But the finger thing; I am at a loss. Consequences only upset him - they are NOT rescinded.

I took him him to the range and showed him what happens to water jugs when they are shot. And he has seen the deer I have shot.

I am at a loss. I hate to imagine the possible consequences if he does it at school. Frankly I am tired of it at home. I would love to start introducing BB guns but this behavior has me hesitant.

What, oh great INGO, does your experience say?

Thankyou.

Spank his little butt.

Once his attitude is adjusted, teach him the importance of gun safety and respect for firearms. I would suggest beginning with an air rifle.

 

[Libertarian01]

All good ideas above. Of all the parents I have ever talked about or interacted with I must admit that the best parent I ever met wasn't mine, it was my friend Hillary's. Her parents were the best for one simple reason - they NEVER bluffed!

Example #1) Hillary and her sister were young and playing in the kitchen when her mother was trying to cook dinner. Her mother explained, "I am cooking now and there are hot things on the stove. I don't want you to be burned so go play somewhere else until dinner." The sisters continued to play, ignoring their mother. Again mom explained, "Look, playing in here while I am trying to cook is dangerous. I am using knives and hot grease, skillets, etc. You need to play somewhere else for your safety and mine or there won't be any dinner." She wasn't angry. She didn't yell. Simple statements of fact. The girls continued to play.

All the stoves go shut off and mom went into the living room to watch TV. The girls were shocked, shocked I say. They asked about dinner. Mom explained to them that they had been warned twice and there would be no dinner that evening for anyone, or snacks. The girls had to go to bed hungry. Guess how many times their mother had to warn them after that about playing in the kitchen? Yep, just once. Mother did not bluff.

Example #2) Same thing happened on the road to a movie. Dad is driving and mom is in the front seat. Hillary and her sister started arguing/fighting in the back seat. They were told several times not to do it as it is a distraction and could cause an accident. The girls soon realized the car was going in the opposite direction from the movie theater. No movie that night, or ever for that particular movie.

Example #3) Final story was mom would put a sign on a messy bedroom, "Condemned by the Board of Health. Must be cleaned within 24 hours or ALL will go." There was a time it was condemned. EVERYTHING out of place, no matter how important or valuable or needed would be gathered up at the predetermined time and taken to the trash or goodwill. Once mother or father had to clean up there was no going back.. Whatever was out of place was removed - permanently.

It is my understanding that there was no yelling, no arguing, simple statements of fact. From a very early age Hillary and her sister learned to listen to mom and dad or the consequences they warned of would follow.

Her mom was an ER nurse. She told me once discussing the no dinner that the kids wouldn't be harmed one bit by missing a meal, but the lesson lasted for years. Her dad was a metallurgical engineer that designed the alloys on the F-15 fighters and other military jets.

My thoughts then are very simple. #1) Be careful what you say so as to never box yourself into a corner. #2) When enforcing rules/consequences never act out of anger or frustration. #3) Never bluff., EVER! Children are smart, far smarter and wiser than many adults give credit for. They quickly learn how far mom and dad will go. Don't bluff, because when parents do the kids learn that the parent is a liar. The parent really doesn't mean what they are saying. We teach them by what we do, and by what we do not do. Very quickly most children will understand that when mom or dad speaks the words need ot be heard or else the consequences will come.

Best Regards,

Doug

 

[GLOCKMAN23C]

My thoughts then are very simple. #1) Be careful what you say so as to never box yourself into a corner. #2) When enforcing rules/consequences never act out of anger or frustration. #3) Never bluff., EVER! Children are smart, far smarter and wiser than many adults give credit for. They quickly learn how far mom and dad will go. Don't bluff, because when parents do the kids learn that the parent is a liar. The parent really doesn't mean what they are saying. We teach them by what we do, and by what we do not do. Very quickly most children will understand that when mom or dad speaks the words need ot be heard or else the consequences will come.

Best Regards,

Doug

Spot on. I see this in my own daughter who is about to turn 13. She knows that mom will bluff and takes full advantage. I don't, and she reacts accordingly. I'm blessed to have a great kid, and hope this continues through her teens.

 

[CHCRandy]

I wouldn't worry about this much....just wait until he gets old enough to have a bb gun, lol. I am not even going to go into details what I did with " bb guns" as a child...you guys would crucify me. I am sure I killed a lot of my "Indian" buddies when we were kids...remember the cork guns? We were all always shooting each other by finger, corks, water, cap, nerf darts, lasers, bb's and later pellets.

My 4 year old granddaughter loves to play cops and robbers with me, she is always the cop. She makes me let her shoot me with her toy cap gun (and I taught her to do the Denny curb stomp) and she makes me get handcuffed and thrown in jail.....doesn't even take me to get medical check, lol. But she knows if she sees a real gun, she is to "stop, don't touch and tell an adult", not sure where she learned that saying, maybe church daycare, school or her daddy? She can't wait to get old enough to go shoot real guns with papa though. I got her a little pink .22. She has me open the safe every now and again just so she can see it. She refuses to touch it though, she says she is too little then says the stop, don't touch, tell an adult saying. I don't tell her, but at 5 years old I was already shooting real guns.

The world is different today though.....heck, I doubt any of us have all the right answers. Do the best you can, teach them the best you can....then hope.

 

[Kutnupe14]

When I was a kid, I told my mother and her friends "If I had a gun, I'd shoot you all." I ended up getting a gun later in life, and I'm happy to say my mother and her friends are all ok. I think I turned out alright. Granted, after I said it originally, I was beat with whatever was within arm's reach. You really can't do that anymore.

 

[DoggyDaddy]

I had a Johnny 7 when I was a kid. I was always hiding behind the couch ambushing mom with grenades, missiles, and everything else that gun would shoot. I was never disciplined for it. Mom would just laugh it off (nothing had enough velocity to cause injury).

I new it was a toy, and I knew the difference between a toy and a real gun (taught at an early age by my dad).

 

[Hookeye]

Finger guns should be secured by mousetrap.


I dunno, 3 kids.............pretty smooth (youngest now 21).
They were smart, knew the rules, what was expected.
Ever since small.
Got popped a few times when little.

Screaming in stores/restaurants, throwing tantrums............the crap you see so often with other people's kids.
Mine NEVER did that.

So I have a major problem going someplace and having to endure somebody's little brat.

 

[Steel and wood]

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