Advice please ref: son “shooting” at us

[Hoosierdood]

Screaming in stores/restaurants, throwing tantrums............the crap you see so often with other people's kids.
Mine NEVER did that.

With 4 kids, mine never did that either. They knew that if they did, they would get an immediate consequence as well as a much bigger consequence when we got home.

On several occasions when the kids were smaller, we had older couples come up to us in a restaurant and compliment us on our kids behavior. About 4 or 5 times, we had some random stranger come over and hand all the kids dollar bills because they were so well behaved.

Set boundaries and have specific consequences when they cross those boundaries. (they are kids, they will test your boundaries) Follow through with those consequences, and don't EVER bluff.
It always cracked me up when other family members would count to 3 with their kids, and when they got to 3, they wouldn't do anything. Guess what, the kids didn't care about the counting after that.
I never counted to 3 with my kids. I shouldn't have to. When I tell them to do something, they either obey or they don't. Counting to 3 just sets you up for failure in the future.

 

[bwframe]

Having two actual parents to raise kids is rare these days. It is the exception instead of the rule now.

 

[Drewski]

The problem isn't the finger gun, it is his anger issues.

I am a firm believer that parents are responsible for TEACHING their children how to handle frustration, anger, and disappointment. Kids don't just figure it out on their own. That's your job to train them. I don't mean to be rude, but if he is 5 and hasn't learned how to deal with anger yet, then you have missed an opportunity somewhere along the way.

I also believe that children respond best to pain. When my oldest was 3, and her sister was 2, she would bite her little sister. Maybe it was jealousy, maybe it was just because. When she would do that, I would take her finger and bite it. Hard enough to leave a short term indentation in her finger. She cried. It hurt. It only took about 3-4 times and she stopped biting her sister. If he shoots you with a nerf dart, don't take the dart away. Make it hurt.

Sure, it's no fun to have to discipline your kids, but I go back to the fact that it is YOUR responsibility to train them. Temporary discomfort is way better than having your son lose his temper 15 years down the road at the wrong time and land himself in jail or the morgue.

Time-outs aren't enough. Taking toys isn't enough. As the boys father, you need to help him learn to handle his anger, and you need to do it fast. Trust me, it's much easier to do it now, than when he is 10.

Sorry if I come across as a dick here. That's not my intention. Just trying to give candid, honest advice. Be the dad that he needs you to be. You got this!


ETA- I am the proud father of 4 honest, respectful teenagers. They are not perfect. They make mistakes. I still have to discipline them. My methods have changed, but my consistency has not. It has not been easy and my heart has ached many times from having to discipline them. But I can say that my efforts have helped mold them into the young people they are today, and I would put their level of responsibility up against ANY 20-something year old today.
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All well said. In this more conservative or traditional crowd, it seems more well-accepted, but out in the world... unfortunately not as much. The only thing I would add to your comments is that the parents are the primary and most important teacher, and the most important lesson is example. "Do as I say, not as I do," is the worst lesson. I catch myself being a bad teacher in that regard, and it's a lot harder to backtrack.

 

[DFacres]

There are a LOT of self help books for parents, some not worth the paper they are printed on. And then, there are good ones such as this one.

 

[huntall50]

Teach the 4 gun safety rules, applies not only to real guns but Nerf and unloaded fingers.