All men are child molesters

[Fletch]

At least, that's what society is learning from being hypervigilant:

Lenore Skenazy: Eek! A Male! - WSJ.com

 

[mrjarrell]

This one's been building for a couple of decades now. It's just another symptom of the fear and hysteria that grips this country in cycles. Just another sign of the sickness that pervades our society. Statistically, your kids are just as safe, if not safer than they were 50 years ago. The media and governments would just like you to think otherwise. It's easier to herd people and get us closed off from one another if they use fear as their cattle prod.

 

[Fletch]

People wonder why I give a damn about what happens to sex offenders, and why I have such a knot in my knickers over the way our criminal justice system works, and this is one major reason why. Every one of us is only a baseless accusation away from becoming one in the eyes of the public. Even if you're cleared of any wrongdoing, it will stick to you because the assumption of all will be that you wouldn't have been accused if you hadn't done anything wrong. All it takes is a perp walk on the local news and you may as well start looking for a job in another state.

 

[nova512]

anyone (not just male) who does anything to a kid deserves the worst things to happen to them.in my eyes they are the lowest piece of crap,and i give them no forgiveness

 

[Fletch]

anyone (not just male) who does anything to a kid deserves the worst things to happen to them.in my eyes they are the lowest piece of crap,and i give them no forgiveness

That's nice, but did you have a comment on the actual subject at hand?

 

[Eddie]

This is similar to what happened in the late eighties early nineties with rape. Increased education and awareness reduced the stigma of reporting rape, especially date rape. As a result more victims came forward. Increased reporting made it look like a rise in rapes (instead of fewer rapes going unreported). This created further public outcry that something needed to be done about the "rise in rape crimes".

A specific incident that I recall from this time period was a call for better lighting in the area of IU's campus called Dunn Woods. No one seemed to care that there had never been a rape or sexual assualt in Dunn Woods in recent memory. Statistically rapes were occurring in dorm rooms and fraternity houses rather than in the woods. Regardless, the lights went up. The following year there were three sexual assaults in Dunn Woods. Prior to that the woods had looked scary so people avoided them at night but once the light were up they looked safe so people started going in there at night.

What we have now with child molesting is very similar. We have reduced the stigma associated with reporting it so more victims are coming forward. This in turn makes it look like child molesting crimes are on the rise. As a result there is public outcry for more laws and harsher punishments to stop the percieved increase in crime.

 

[Fletch]

This is similar to what happened in the late eighties early nineties with rape. Increased education and awareness reduced the stigma of reporting rape, especially date rape. As a result more victims came forward. Increased reporting made it look like a rise in rapes (instead of fewer rapes going unreported). This created further public outcry that something needed to be done about the "rise in rape crimes".

I don't know if that directly relates to the article, but it reminds me of another parallel that does. I remember the time you speak of (I was in college then), and it there was a very anti-male attitude on campus. If you were a male, you were a suspected rapist. If you were a male walking around on campus, alone, after dark, you got stopped and hassled by campus security, especially if you passed by any of the all-female dorms. Never mind that you might have a job or a late class or a research project in some building nearby, you were a rapist until they had to admit they had nothing on you.

 

[38special]

This one upsets me more than most anything else. I've got little brothers, nephews, nieces, etc. I love kids and get along with them very well.

But, if I see a cute little kid in walmart, I just keep it to myself rather than tell the parent "cute kid", for fear of being judged a pervert.

In fact, just saying something like I just have in most settings would judge me a pervert. It's absolutely ridiculous.

 

[308jake]

Stay away from vans with no windows.

 

[Fletch]

This one upsets me more than most anything else. I've got little brothers, nephews, nieces, etc. I love kids and get along with them very well.

But, if I see a cute little kid in walmart, I just keep it to myself rather than tell the parent "cute kid", for fear of being judged a pervert.

In fact, just saying something like I just have in most settings would judge me a pervert. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Yep. In fact, it scares the **** out of me. We're exploring adoption, and this societal attitude is the one major thing that makes me not want to do it.

 

[straittactical]

Most of those stories are just people being dumba$$es. but as for the grandmother that about punched the guy in the face. I see her point. a strage guy runs up and grabs your grandkids you need to think fast, if he really was going to take off with the kids she had to make a move quick not just set there and see what else was about to happen.
As far as the rest of the stories go there is no excuse thats just stupid a music teacher cant help place a childs fingers on the keys to show them the correct way to play an instrument. or a guy not allowed to change a diaper. If he is not trusted he should not be employed there.

 

[JR50]

We're exploring adoption, and this societal attitude is the one major thing that makes me not want to do it.

Fletch,
Please don't let those with poor attitudes influence the way you and your wife feel about adoption. "They" don't control your lives -- at least I hope not. Best wishes for your adoption decision!

 

[Fletch]

As far as the rest of the stories go there is no excuse thats just stupid a music teacher cant help place a childs fingers on the keys to show them the correct way to play an instrument. or a guy not allowed to change a diaper. If he is not trusted he should not be employed there.

On a related note though, I've seen it happen in my own church. One day they needed volunteers to help with the little kids (age 4 to 6 I think) class, so I went up. I didn't know what to do, but the lady I was with did.

At one point, we were sitting on the floor to hear a story, and one little dude crawled into my lap. I was told afterward to never allow that to happen again -- people might freak out. In fact, I've heard some fathers at church say they won't let their own kids sit on their laps for the same reason. So now what we're saying to children is that they're not allowed to express perfectly normal affection because their caregivers might be seen as predators.

I guess what I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be a complete flip-out like the grandmother to be a problem.

 

[RichardR]

Stay away from vans with no windows.

I never did get my free-candy

 

[INGunGuy]

It's a sad state of affairs when a daddy cant let his son or daughter sit in their lap. I feel sorry for parents that are just starting out. My children are 19,16,14 so I am getting to the end of my time as a parent of young children. I do remember one time years ago when my oldest was acting like a little turd in the store, I swatted his rear end. There was some woman who looked at me and said something about how terrible it was for me to "hit my son". I told her to shut the "F" up and mind her own business, her jaw hit the floor, and I proceeded to tell her that he was my son and I would discipline him as I saw fit. I thought she was going to crap herself right on the spot. And that was 16 years ago. In today's world a LEO would have probably been called and I would have been reported to CPS as a child abuser.

The funny thing about it, I have been told by the police that short of breaking bones, hitting the face/head other than a slap across the mouth, and drawing blood, corporal punishment has been held as a parental right in Indiana.

INGunGuy

 

[iwearcowboyboots]

Fletch,
Please don't let those with poor attitudes influence the way you and your wife feel about adoption. "They" don't control your lives -- at least I hope not. Best wishes for your adoption decision!

True dat! Plus everyone knows that people who foster children are the creepers, not people who adopt.

 

[Fletch]

Fletch,
Please don't let those with poor attitudes influence the way you and your wife feel about adoption.

Nobody changes the way I feel about adoption except me. How I think about adoption is another story. I don't make any major decisions without evaluating the risks, and the potential to be branded a child molester on the premise of simple displays of affection, especially in a situation like adoption where we're supposed to be encouraging the kids to express any appropriate affection they feel, is surely something that must feed into any risk assessment. It is especially problematic when one considers that some kids whose profiles I've read indicate that they have been molested previously, and that this has warped their perception of what is appropriate and what is not. It's a delicate situation even in the best of circumstances, but when society is full of hypervigilant paranoids looking to make a name for themselves by bagging a supposed "predator", it's a wonder that anyone bothers to care for these children at all.

"They" don't control your lives -- at least I hope not.

Insofar as "they" influence the local constabulary and judiciary, they very well could. As I said, it doesn't change how I feel -- I want to adopt, if for no other reason than to have someone to give a damn when I die. Call it the biological imperative mixed with existential crisis. But I have to think long and hard about the risks and pitfalls.

 

[nova512]

That's nice, but did you have a comment on the actual subject at hand?

i guess no you seem to say enough for everyone

 

[Bill of Rights]

It's a sad state of affairs when a daddy cant let his son or daughter sit in their lap. I feel sorry for parents that are just starting out. My children are 19,16,14 so I am getting to the end of my time as a parent of young children. I do remember one time years ago when my oldest was acting like a little turd in the store, I swatted his rear end. There was some woman who looked at me and said something about how terrible it was for me to "hit my son". I told her to shut the "F" up and mind her own business, her jaw hit the floor, and I proceeded to tell her that he was my son and I would discipline him as I saw fit. I thought she was going to crap herself right on the spot. And that was 16 years ago. In today's world a LEO would have probably been called and I would have been reported to CPS as a child abuser.

The funny thing about it, I have been told by the police that short of breaking bones, hitting the face/head other than a slap across the mouth, and drawing blood, corporal punishment has been held as a parental right in Indiana.

INGunGuy

Currently before the legislature is SB 143 which if passed:

Specifies that a parent or guardian of a child has legal authority to: (1) apply reasonable force to a child; or (2) impose reasonable confinement on a child; if the parent or guardian believes that the reasonable force or confinement is necessary for the proper control, training, or education of the child. Provides that the following factors are relevant in determining whether force or confinement is reasonable: (1) The age of the child. (2) The sex of the child. (3) The physical and mental condition of the child. (4) The nature of the child's misbehavior and the child's motive for the misbehavior. (5) The influence that the child's example may have on other children of the same family or group. (6) Whether the force or confinement is reasonably necessary and appropriate to compel obedience to a proper command. (7) Whether the force or confinement is disproportionate to the misbehavior, unnecessarily degrading, or likely to cause serious or permanent harm.

I'm thinking the best answer to a complaint such as "it's terrible for you to hit your child!" would be "Better I do it now than a cop have to do it when he's grown up because he's an ass with no respect for laws, rules, or authority. I know that I'm doing it to teach him limits with love. They won't."

The sad part is that a law needs to be even considered, let alone passed, to provide for this situation.

I have not and will not hesitate to show affection to my daughter; not when she was a child, not now that she is grown, not as long as I draw breath. If someone has a problem with it, the problem is theirs, not mine. Of course, if they want to make it my problem, I can file a defamation of character, libel, and/or slander suit just like anyone else, and once again, the problem becomes theirs.

Blessings,
Bill

 

[INGunGuy]

Currently before the legislature is SB 143 which if passed:


I'm thinking the best answer to a complaint such as "it's terrible for you to hit your child!" would be "Better I do it now than a cop have to do it when he's grown up because he's an ass with no respect for laws, rules, or authority. I know that I'm doing it to teach him limits with love. They won't."

The sad part is that a law needs to be even considered, let alone passed, to provide for this situation.

I have not and will not hesitate to show affection to my daughter; not when she was a child, not now that she is grown, not as long as I draw breath. If someone has a problem with it, the problem is theirs, not mine. Of course, if they want to make it my problem, I can file a defamation of character, libel, and/or slander suit just like anyone else, and once again, the problem becomes theirs.

Blessings,
Bill

Yes, you are correct that would have been a better answer than to tell someone to "F" off, but that was 16 years ago, I am only 24 and still learning and full of **** and vinegar. As for my children, I have NO problems showing affection toward any of my children. My 14 year old "baby girl" is no longer my "baby girl" but the nice thing about it is that her and I can still sit in the recliner and watch COPS and Americas Most Wanted on Saturday nights as we have done for YEARS. Ok, I may be getting a tear in my eye I must stop...

INGunGuy