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BIL has not called since the will was shared and settled.
- Thread starter longbow
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Dr.Midnight
Master
I'm sorry to hear that about your family. It's an all too common story. Some people out there worship the dollar.
It is said that some family members only remaining link is dad's money. When that is gone so are they.....
When my dad died everyone acted like a bunch of vultures. I just stepped away with what he had left me and let them fight amongst themselves. They all thought I was crazy for not wanting to get more but in all honesty, I just wanted my dad back. My memories with dad will always be worth more than anything they have left from their greed.
When my dad died everyone acted like a bunch of vultures. I just stepped away with what he had left me and let them fight amongst themselves. They all thought I was crazy for not wanting to get more but in all honesty, I just wanted my dad back. My memories with dad will always be worth more than anything they have left from their greed.
Amen brother! When my dad died I went down to Virginia and was about to head home after the funeral and my Uncle told me I should take my dad's guns or they would disappear. I loaded up a gun safe and about 15-20 guns and whatever else I could fit and headed back home. To this day I have no idea where his other stuff went. I went back down later to get his other stuff and it was gone.
Same thing when my mother in law died. My wife's Aunts came in and took her jewelry, clothing, etc. and we didn't even try to stop them. We were young and was grieving....didn't want to fight over it.
People just suck honestly. I hate seeing families fighting over what their parents leave them.
I feel your pain brother. My elderly Dad was diagnosed with cancer and I ended up taking care of him in hospice for several months. During that time, I discovered that he was over $100k in debt and only had $4K in the bank. Sister and I were NOT listed as beneficiaries in the will. He left everything to his second Wife, who had passed away, several years previously. I was listed as primary executor. As each of these discoveries were made, I passed them on to my Sister, so she would fully appraised of what was happening. She lives out of state, on the other side of the country.
When Dad passed, my Sister wanted the estate to pay for her travel, lodging, per-diem and rental car expenses, to come to the funeral. We barely had enough money for the funeral itself. I ended up buying the headstone with my own money. When I told her that there was no money for such a request, she decided not to attend.
Then our Mom got involved, (Dad's first wife/divorced for over 35 years). She wrote a scathing letter to our family lawyer, screeching that my sister had been cheated out of her "rightful" inheritance, and was threatening a lawsuit. That only added to my workload, and drove up the legal fees in preparing for a lawsuit, that never materialized. Family members can be so greedy.
When Dad passed, my Sister wanted the estate to pay for her travel, lodging, per-diem and rental car expenses, to come to the funeral. We barely had enough money for the funeral itself. I ended up buying the headstone with my own money. When I told her that there was no money for such a request, she decided not to attend.
Then our Mom got involved, (Dad's first wife/divorced for over 35 years). She wrote a scathing letter to our family lawyer, screeching that my sister had been cheated out of her "rightful" inheritance, and was threatening a lawsuit. That only added to my workload, and drove up the legal fees in preparing for a lawsuit, that never materialized. Family members can be so greedy.
It got weird when my father passed. 1 of the 2 remaining made a stink as she was lazy non working liar waiting like a vulture. When she got her part of the estate she left never to be seen or heard from again. No real loss unfortunately.
Thankfully there was an iron clad no contest clause as she tried.
I have one remaining sister. We get along.
When my spouses Mother passed that family was the poster child in how to conduct yourself through all of this. They were stellar.
Thankfully there was an iron clad no contest clause as she tried.
I have one remaining sister. We get along.
When my spouses Mother passed that family was the poster child in how to conduct yourself through all of this. They were stellar.
Wow...some sad stories here. One benefit of coming from poor a family...not that much to fight over. When my mom passed, I made up my mind I wasn't going to fight over the few things she had left behind. I was blessed that my brother felt the same way, mostly.
I won't lament on my story as it is like the others listed here. What I will say is what I learned from my experience settling a multi million dollar estate. Money does not give you character... money reveals the character you already have.
My parents were very blessed financially and also wise. My stepbrother was a vulture and I know the love of money is the root of all evil. My folks paid 5% to a family friend to execute the will as we had lots of rentals and other residential property. Everyone was given a percentage and anything belonging to them could be purchased during the auction from your inheritance. Smart!
The Bubba Effect
Grandmaster
That sucks. I cannot imagine.
Lots of crazy. Sorry you are dealing with it. I have several guns that I got from my dad that I know at least one of them needs to go to my adult nephew who is in college so that I am not hoarding them all and hogging the informal inheritance. (guns were not directed in the will and mom gave me what he had) I just need to figure out when he is ready to receive them as a responsible adult who respects what he is given. He grew up in the city with no gun exposure and I dont talk to him much. I dont want to give him something important, only to have him sell it off for cash because he really doesnt care.
And when my Grandma passed, the will was written that Mom got the house (she lives next door, making it now one big property) but owed her sister 50% of the value in cash, and my aunt got the cash in the bank. My aunt burned through the cash in a year, then insisted that she was owed the cash value of the house in its entirety. (meaning mom got nothing since she would essentially have to "buy" the house from her sister by giving her 100% of the cash value) Even the probate lawyer explaining it multiple times she still swears she is owed double what she got.(I love her and she is sweet but she isnt the sharpest crayon in the box) Even though she got ALL the liquid assets, she insists on more.
At least we can all still get together as a family and get along for holiday meals.
And when my Grandma passed, the will was written that Mom got the house (she lives next door, making it now one big property) but owed her sister 50% of the value in cash, and my aunt got the cash in the bank. My aunt burned through the cash in a year, then insisted that she was owed the cash value of the house in its entirety. (meaning mom got nothing since she would essentially have to "buy" the house from her sister by giving her 100% of the cash value) Even the probate lawyer explaining it multiple times she still swears she is owed double what she got.(I love her and she is sweet but she isnt the sharpest crayon in the box) Even though she got ALL the liquid assets, she insists on more.
At least we can all still get together as a family and get along for holiday meals.
Brother she aint that sweet if pulling this crap.
Money is a drug. Free money is Krack Cocaine to some folks.
Family can do weird things when there is money to be had... As others have said, $ will show their true character. Sometimes you would never think it would happen with someone you've known all your life but when there is $ or assets, look out.
Have a friend who's uncle has dementia. He is in a nursing home. All of the sudden he has family visiting that rarely over the years would visit him. The scroungers are circling.
Have a friend who's uncle has dementia. He is in a nursing home. All of the sudden he has family visiting that rarely over the years would visit him. The scroungers are circling.
Dad died 10 years back.Mom and him lived 500 miles away.Mom came down with early dementia.Moved her north ,and she now lives with my sister.Sister and BIL do a fantastic job of caring for her.I am truly thankful for their effort.The wife and I have been to Nashville 14 times since April taking care of business,and prepping the house to sell.The other siblings are MIA.Now the last of her stuff has came north,and is setting in boxes in the barn.When the house sells,I am trying to get mom to give the money from the sell to my sister and BIL. They deserve it for what they have done,and what they will go thru in the years to come.All the rest of their stuff was given to the local fire dept for their auction.I ended up with a few guns,a few tools,and some momentos.The sibs,grandkids NEVER call her,and It has to tear out her heart.I do feel bad trying to guide her on the money,but to see the vultures show up some day,and my sister and BIL who care for her get shafted,I can not let that stand.Who are all these people?I am sure we all were raised better then that.
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I am a big believer in what a person sows, they will someday reap. Case in point. Many years ago, my Mother inherited a huge amount of money from a friend. Mom moved out West and decided she wanted my Sister to live close by. She bought my Sister a house and paid cash for it. Sister moves out there and lives in the house for twenty years.
Fast forward to a year after my Fathers funeral. My Sister calls me out of the blue, in a panic. She had received a notification in the mail that the bank was taking back her house. I asked her how this could happen, if the house was in her name? She informs me that the deed was still in Mom's name. We figured out that Mom needed more money and had reverse mortgaged the house, without telling my Sister. Sister ended up moving to a single wide trailer.
It is from many experiences like this, that I am glad I live in Indiana, and they are on the Left coast.
Fast forward to a year after my Fathers funeral. My Sister calls me out of the blue, in a panic. She had received a notification in the mail that the bank was taking back her house. I asked her how this could happen, if the house was in her name? She informs me that the deed was still in Mom's name. We figured out that Mom needed more money and had reverse mortgaged the house, without telling my Sister. Sister ended up moving to a single wide trailer.
It is from many experiences like this, that I am glad I live in Indiana, and they are on the Left coast.
I'm with you here GFGT. I think my mom is a little regretful that she won't have more to leave us, but none of us care. My wife's side of the family has money and when I see how the family members are acting(even though both their mom and dad are still alive and fairly healthy), I'm glad we won't have an estate to deal with. Though, ironically, us brothers would not have any issues dividing one up if there was one.
My mom and dad came to America from Germany in the early 50's with two suitcases. They worked hard, raised us boys well and made a way. My brother's and I made our own way. My kids are making their own way. Would I like to be able to leave something? Sure. But if I can't, I can leave them with a solid footing and a means to provide for themselves and their family. I help when I can with my super,duper handy skills and they are happy for that. Mostly they are happy that we raised them with a positive outlook on life and a good work ethic.
That's an inheritance I can be happy with.
I'm with you here GFGT. I think my mom is a little regretful that she won't have more to leave us, but none of us care. My wife's side of the family has money and when I see how the family members are acting(even though both their mom and dad are still alive and fairly healthy), I'm glad we won't have an estate to deal with. Though, ironically, us brothers would not have any issues dividing one up if there was one.
My mom and dad came to America from Germany in the early 50's with two suitcases. They worked hard, raised us boys well and made a way. My brother's and I made our own way. My kids are making their own way. Would I like to be able to leave something? Sure. But if I can't, I can leave them with a solid footing and a means to provide for themselves and their family. I help when I can with my super,duper handy skills and they are happy for that. Mostly they are happy that we raised them with a positive outlook on life and a good work ethic.
That's an inheritance I can be happy with.
My brother (only sibling) died three years before my mother. He had two sons. When Mom died I had control of her estate. I sold the house, paid the bills, funeral expenses, etc. I subtracted my considerable costs for all this, plane tickets, etc. Of the remainder I gave myself 50% and the two nephews 25% each. Mom said she had instructions written down but we never found them. I did find a note on a CD that she indicated if my brother or I predeceased her, our share was to go to the kids which is what I did.
Some had criticized me for not giving my daughters a share.
Some had criticized me for not giving my daughters a share.
femurphy77
Grandmaster
This is why we tried to convince our dad to spend his last dime with his last breath. It wasn't a problem in our family because dad made it specifically clear what his wishes were and they were followed to a "T"! Like several have said upstream though, it's just "stuff".
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