Confessions of a single gungirl- Dating

[Bunnykid68]

Just looking around, making sure BK is behaving.

Never

 

[yote hunter]

Dear Penthouse, I saw this sexy cowboy, he was looking the wrong way and couldn't see me. What should I throw at him next time to get his attention?

Next time you see him fire a couple rounds it should get his attention.... You will be fine dear , you just need some time to get yourself right (after being hurt) and then the rest will fix itself.

 

[Indy317]

Somewhere in all this chaos I might like to meet someone, after all misery loves company, right? I sure would appreciate others filling me in on the rules and the scams of dating. What should I look out for and be aware of?

I see a whole new thread regarding the horrors of online dating. Although I must admit it has offered me lots of comic relief to share with my girlfriends.

What are other singles doing? Are there any good, free online dating sites? How do you meet normal people in a busy world? What are the lines to watch out for? How do I identify the lies? Why is it so hard to meet happy, well adjusted, middle aged men?

I read a lot of higher ed related stuff since I work in that field, and there are lots of studies and articles about the single life. Sometimes it goes outside of just the 20 something area and I about the single life of the divorced, widowed, people in their 30s-50s. The main thing is to do what you want to do so long as one is safe and comfortable with their choices they make in life.

I've read that there are singles from all age groups who are into pretty much everything. If your looking for a short term (say around a year, going in knowing there might be an expiration date on the relationship), you can find it. You can find people looking for long term. You can find casual, friends with benefits, one night stands, etc.. This doesn't mean that any particular person someone chooses meets their ideals for looks, character, etc., it is just that it is there. One lady who was in her late 30s/40s did the Tinder thing. She was really just looking for no strings or maybe some strings sex. She said she met around 50-60 guys in a year and only had sex with six or seven of them. Many of those were one night stands, but she said a couple she actually would meet up with a few times over the course of a year. She finally found a guy that she wanted to be with and they became monogamous. Tinder was a hook-up for sex app, but many people are now using it as a dating app as well.

So long as so many ladies are OK with one night stands, hookups (anything from kissing onward), FWB, etc., men are going to take advantage and might be less inclined to date seriously in their 20s and even into their 30s. Plenty of married people I know having kids in their late 30s, and even into their 40s (usually there is a huge age difference here, with the female spouse usually in their 30s with a much older husband). Some young folks in their 20s see this and figure if they want to continue a party lifestyle of whatever they choose, they can. No need to worry about settling down now until you hit your 30s I guess.

I know of a handful of younger women (late 20s, early to mid 30s) and many would like to find a guy. Biological clocks are ticking. I don't know these girls histories, I know many are/were social, they are employed, and educated. Some I hear of issues, others I have no idea why the relationship ended. One person I know met a guy on a dating site, he lied about his past marriage which ended in a divorce, plus he was likely seeing someone else (not really all that shocking given he was a single guy in his late 20s in a new city). That person ended up and it really affected her. There are many young women who really don't want to rack up numbers, but the scene for many seems to be you take what you can get and if you get dumped in six months or a year, you either stay single for a long time or move along and rack up another number. Young women today looking to settle down have to watch out for the guys who are into the casual thing or non-committal monogamy. I really feel for these young women who would like serious commitment but can't find it.

The dating sites people pay for are said to be better than the free ones. Hookup apps like Tinder are good to at least weed out people you aren't physical attracted to right away, and if someone swipes you, I guess you get a message. I hear people complain that they have to weed through a lot of people just looking for one night stands, or guys hoping to trade nude pics. One thing that I've read a lot of positive stuff about are websites designed to get people together for just activities, not necessarily dating. Meetup.com is a good website. Some groups have age restrictions, some are for singles looking to meet, others are just meet and greet and open to anyone. Lots of activities. Many people who are new to an area usually use that to get out and meet people. I've heard coed sports leagues are a good way to meet others as well.

Reading these stories makes me glad I'm married. I was somewhat of an introvert when it came to dating and relationships, but I managed to find someone I could relate to in that aspect. All these stories of crazy people, STDs, liars, etc. makes me glad I'm out of that game.

 

[Snapdragon]

I was just talking with my best friend last night about dating. (She's 47, I'm 52.) We came to the conclusion that by the time people get to our age, they're all either crazy, broken, or just plain scared. I think I'm a little of all three.

 

[actaeon277]

I was just talking with my best friend last night about dating. (She's 47, I'm 52.) We came to the conclusion that by the time people get to our age, they're all either crazy, broken, or just plain scared. I think I'm a little of all three.

Some just had bad luck, bad timing.
Some suffered the loss of a loved one.
Some were married to idiots.

 

[Mr Evilwrench]

Some just had bad luck, bad timing.
Some suffered the loss of a loved one.
Some were married to idiots.

I was married to someone with a personality disorder, then widowed in my 30s, so it was kinda all three with me I got better, though.

 

[Harleyrider_50]

Somewhere in all this chaos I might like to meet someone, after all misery loves company, right? I sure would appreciate others filling me in on the rules and the scams of dating. What should I look out for and be aware of?

Someone once told me that because I am a good person I mistakenly believe that everyone else is a good person too. It makes me too trusting and vulnerable. When I was married I was sheltered from most of the evils of the world. Now I have to fight my own demons and keep them from the door.

I am naïve. I had no idea so many people lie and only care about themselves. My love life has definitely been the stuff sitcoms are made of.

I used to think that I made bad dating decisions, but I realized that most of my bad decisions chose me. I didn't actively or consciously chose them. I was just weak and fell in love with their charm. I didn't necessarily condone their flaws but I didn't make an issue of them either. Their flaws were not mine to judge so I tried not to.

The problem is that I wasn't actively fishing. I just talked to whoever talked to me. This obviously hasn't worked out well or I wouldn't be whining to all of you.

I have a weird schedule. I work second shift so late nights and weekends are my only real free times. I have no time to actively meet single, normal, eligible men. That is if they even exist.

So I got this bright idea to try online dating. I thought it was a great idea since I could choose exactly what I was looking for or at least weed out the guys that wouldn't be interested in me or my lifestyle.

I carry a gun and rescue animals. These are my two main quirks that guys need to get over if they want to date me. I am also only 5’ tall. Some guys have hang ups about height. Go figure.

I had read somewhere what a great site POF was for meeting nice people. Let me just say, they lied. I turned my profile off after the first couple weeks because it was so overwhelming. Now it is time to try again. I have my profile all friend zoned up just to keep the traffic down. I am trying to get up the nerve to rewrite it and actively fish.

I see a whole new thread regarding the horrors of online dating. Although I must admit it has offered me lots of comic relief to share with my girlfriends.

What are other singles doing? Are there any good, free online dating sites? How do you meet normal people in a busy world? What are the lines to watch out for? How do I identify the lies? Why is it so hard to meet happy, well adjusted, middle aged men?

It AIN't......like I a'fore in 1 these threads.....most......would'n know a good 1 if he was stand'n on their toes...much less their door-step...

 

[Snapdragon]

It AIN't......like I a'fore in 1 these threads.....most......would'n know a good 1 if he was stand'n on their toes......

Um, yeah. It is. My toes ain't been stood on in a long time.

 

[Harleyrider_50]

Um, yeah. It is. My toes ain't been stood on in a long time.

......yer dogs is yyyy more loyal......trus'me.....
mine are, anyways.....

 

[wabash]

I have a weird schedule. I work second shift so late nights and weekends are my only real free times. I have no time to actively meet single, normal, eligible men.

crazy thought, but have you considered getting a 9-5 job?

 

[Nazgul]

Don't give up. My wife died from cancer after 24 years of marriage. We had 3 daughters, 2 in High School. I found myself dating in my mid 50's. There are a lot of people my age with baggage. Signed up for POF and met some off beat women, finally met my current wife. We have been married 4 years now. She is the love of my life. We have laughed and cared for each other ever since we met.

Don't give up. Have to sift through the weirdos to get a jewel. Good luck.

Don

 

[actaeon277]

Look up the history of Actaeon, in my sig.

THAT guy had it rough.

 

[tbhausen]

I have to agree with this. There's nothing wrong with being picky as long as our houses aren't made of glass.

My view is; why should I have to settle? Life is too short to settle. I am a complete package. It is only reasonable to expect any potential suitor to be as grounded as I am. I am a good, mentally stable catch. Someone doesn't deserve me just because they think I am cute. I am much more than cute. I am an acute bundle of restless energy ready and able to skip freely through the woods and paths wanting to experience the natural joys of life. I don't have time for the tv watchers and the sleepers. Let's run laughing through the park instead of settling to watch it pass us by.

I want my golden years to be sprinkled with fairy dust instead of dread. If I die in my sleep I want to have died happy. So I only want to play with the happy kids.

I am not the kind of girl for the slackers and the non believers. I am extremely well balanced. I have experienced many life changing potential excuses and I have conquered them all on my own. I expect my suitors to be as brave. Do not approach me unless you are a real man in control of your own life. I just want to hear how you will accomplish goals not why you can't.

Save the sad stories whose endings can never change. I just want to create new memories and laughs. My suitors have to be able to dream and follow them.

Happy and spiritually free are probably the most important traits I am looking for. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to get involved with people who are too self absorbed in the past or who don't have the traits I value most. I know what I want, I have every right not to want to settle for less.

This is a great explanation of what you're looking for.

 

[gungirl65]

crazy thought, but have you considered getting a 9-5 job?

Sometimes I miss 8-5. It's complicated. I do a lot of good things where I am. I make a difference. Right now my crazy hours work for me. Night time is when my son is awake too. It gives me time to spend with him.

I might change for PC but I won't change to find him. When it is time to get serious about PCharming I will make necessary lifestyle changes including going back to the corporate world and working real people hours.

For now it's just my schedule. I kind of like it.

 

[gungirl65]

So I tried to reconcile with my unicorn but realized he is just another ass with a horn. So I am fishing again for fun and distraction.

Even though POF has its faults, it works ok for what little time I have for it. At first it felt weird and wrong. Now it is almost a fun concept. It's like a man catalog. Kind of like shopping on Ebay. I can look for a model that catches my eye and then check to see if we have any common interests. I don't have to waste more than a couple minutes on those with no potential. What an awesome concept. The downside to looking at guy's profiles is they will know I looked at them and they may look at mine and contact me.

I now have new friends I communicate with daily. They make me laugh. I have actually caught a few decent prospects. I get regular emails from weirdos but I get that anywhere really. For now POF keeps me entertained and out of trouble.

 

[wabash]

I get regular emails from weirdos .......

hey, I resemble that. those emails described legitimate overseas investment opportunities. well, I'm purty sure some were legit.

 

[gungirl65]

hey, I resemble that. those emails described legitimate overseas investment opportunities. well, I'm purty sure some were legit.

I wish that's all those emails described. LOL Some even had pics.........

 

[Sylvain]

I wish that's all those emails described. LOL Some even had pics.........

Lol did you get mine?

 

[red_zr24x4]

Lol did you get mine?

I think everyone on INGO got them

 

[gungirl65]

Here's the next step when the party is over.

https://www.indianagunowners.com/fo...-letting-go-falling-out-love.html#post5646413