How to become a more peaceful person?

[irishfan]

I've been pretty stressed out lately and just about anything makes me mad anymore. What can I do to become more peaceful or at least much more tolerable of people? Anything I find online is usually a website that "sells" a book I have to buy about the subject. So I come to you INGO to help me out. Dad sugested I see a doctor about it but I really don't need a doctor to write down how I'm an angry person and my rights go down the drain because of it.

You may laugh but I tend to relax after listening to about 20-30 minutes of Pantera or other hard mix and just being by myself for a drive. For others reading the bible or some hardcore exercise to just exhaust yourself. I personally would not go to a doctor unless I have exhausted every other option.

Good Luck

 

[PX4me]

I bet a little poontang would cure you right quick.

If that doesn't work, you might want to read up on Helicopter Parenting. It sounds like they are the ones causing the most stress in your life right now. Finding a way to communicate this to them would be my first step.

 

[UncleMike]

Go shooting at a range.
That's always worked for me.

 

[Mosinguy]

Go shooting at a range.
That's always worked for me.

I wish.

 

[rgrimm01]

Acceptance is the key to serenity. You are being told what to do and when at a time when you believe that you are self sufficient and capable of making those decisions yourself. You are feeling rage and want to howl at the moon. The young think that control is attainable. That is an illusion, Influence maybe, control never.

I would suggest that you make the best of every day and seek something for which to be grateful each and every day. Pick your fights and let the rest roll off of your shoulders.

Find a hobby to challenge you. Learn to fly fish and tie flies or reload ammo. Get into electronic gadgetry and learn it inside and out. Write computer programs (IT is in demand). Learn to weld.

Challenge yourself every day to learn something outside of school/work. Let every thing else go. Anger and resentment are the devil's playground. You have a choice. Why would you want to play there? Do not sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff. Just let it go...

 

[GI JOE]

A stint in the woods always gets my head right. I don't know how you feel about hiking/camping but after I got out of the Corps, I felt the same. Just about anything and everything pissed me off.
There's nothing like a long walk (and maybe a few dozen beers) can't cure.

Just my .02

Goose-fra-bah my friend

 

[Hohn]

OP--

You're 17. That means you have a ton of stress about what to do with your life in general. College? Trade school? It's naturally a stressful time. Part of your struggle is your stress level.

A short fuse is a character flaw, one that we each deal with from time to time. Part of having a short fuse at 17 is lack of maturity. Give yourself time to finish growing up-- but insist that you do keep growing up. Lots of folks your age decide to stop maturing right about where you are.

Reading can be a great way to relax your mind and offer you some perspective. I recommend biographies of great people. Try a book by Ron Chernow.

 

[chezuki]

Basically, being 17 sucks. You feel like an adult, yet the law says you aren't. All the problems and frustrations that come with feeling like an adult are brand new and seem much larger and more intense than they really are. Like others have said, the only real "cure" for this is time. You won't be 17 forever, and by the time you realize it's over you'll be laughing at how ****ty you thought it was at the time. It's just a fact of adolescence, you hate it during, but will miss it when it's gone.


Argh... Now I feel like an old man

 

[Hookeye]

Unplug and go do something.

I think too much information (esp the liberal crap) can fry a guy in short order.

 

[churchmouse]

I have these issues myself. So does my son. The general public and life in general will drive you nuts if you let it.
Things that work for us.
We spent the afternoon in the woods yesterday shooting. Totally stress free today.

Woods and time not available---we hang the heavy bag and tape up. Work on the bag for a period and then glove up. Force on force for as long as my old butt can hang. Stress fades away.

Work on and around the property. A good well planned out project is a satisfying way to move forward.

Job change if this is a root cause of stress. I have removed myself from 4 such situations in the last year. My skills allow me to pick up and move.

A good hobby besides TV...even gaming can be a diversion from the world if you lean that way. I am not a gamer but I know a few.

 

[88GT]

I "had" depression years ago but mom didn't want me to have meds or treatment. I say had like that because I wasn't depressed it was more of a case of mom not knowing what do with a pre-teen kid. I was one of those idiot kids that I don't like at one point. She sure did love to throw around the words "depressed" and "emotionally challenged" at school conferences a lot. So now I do get special treatment because in my school records I'm "depressed", "emotionally challenged", etc.

Fast forward to when I moved in with my dad and he put me on meds that I never took because I didn't feel the need. I like to deal with my problems myself and ask for help when I absolutely need it and even then I don't most of the time (that explains my grades actually...). I think I'm ok because if I was truly depressed me being surrounded by firearms and knives would've ended badly at one point. IMO of course, I'm not a doctor and haven't been seen by one and at this point I don't want to be.

That's not true. I suffered through TWO cases of severe postpartum depression with a host of firearms at my disposal. Guess who's still here? Yep, Mr88GT. (Just a little humor to lighten the mood.) Anywhos, being depressed doesn't make you suicidal. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to be dead. Not because I didn't want to live, but because I didn't want to have the mental anguish, the intrusive thoughts, the rage, the hatred for my own husband and children. But I didn't want to die, didn't want to take my own life.

Don't think that what I say below is coming from a belief that meds will solve the problem. I think meds can help stabilize moods. But you still have to decide to think right thoughts. You're letting your emotions rule you. Your behavior. Your thoughts. What you think is a CHOICE. You can learn to control it.

<drphil>I'm about to get real with you here.</drphil> Your life doesn't suck. Your circumstances do. (And frankly, I don't think you really know the meaning of sucky circumstances yet.) But in short order you'll be able to change them. And then what will you do? Life isn't going to get better just because your circumstances change. You still don't think right. You live in self-pity. You're not nearly as mature as you think you are. You may relate better with adults (I did too. Probably because you are of above-average intelligence. Trust me when I say that you will come into your own in this regard and find your niche...if you don't wallow in that self-pity.), but that doesn't make you emotionally mature.

I don't say this as a criticism. It's an observation from someone who has been there. All the suggestions you've read on here about physical activity, eating right, etc. are good. But they aren't the solution. Until you take responsibility for your thoughts and emotions, nothing will change. You'll just be a physically fit depressed young adult.

The irony is that you really have to humble yourself to do this. It is my opinion, and it's just that, an opinion, that negative emotions--particularly anger--are a large dose of self-importance behind them. I could write a book on it, but thankfully some else already did, and probably with much better results than I could.

yeh truly, meds don't help, dealing with **** does. depression can come in a lot of different forms and i've had stages of it, from mild to moderate, but truly gettin out and away from the hum-drum **** makes a world of difference. do that, instead of my other suggestions

Let's not be hasty though. Meds can help. They aren't the magical solution, but for some people, they break the cycle of thoughts that keep them in that dark place. It's up to the individual to act and get out, but sometimes they need a little bit of help doing it. My PPD group leader always told us that regardless of the other measures we used, we still had to be the main driving force in changing things. Her motto was "Fake it till ya make it." IOW, get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, put on make-up, go out with friends, go to church. Do all of the things we didn't want to do, but that we had done when we were "normal."

 

[churchmouse]

I agree with most of this^^^^^
I had severe clinical depression when I was informed my life forces would fade away inside of a year in 2002. I had just held my oldest sons hand as he passed away on my birthday from cancer and i was diagnosed less than a month later. My poor wife.
Any attempt to describe my mental state at that time would be terribly hard. Meds were subscribed and only made me feel worse. I went through al of the anti-depresents during my Radiation/Chemo nightmare and I had to eventually flush them.
It was a state of mind as you say. I had to own my thoughts and actions to stop making those who were helping me miserable. It was up to me, not a pill. With the right mind-set, help from family and the regimental activity's I posted up thread I survived. Literally.
I still battle depression but I do it outside of medication.
Now my daughter is a person that absolutely has to be medicated. Boy howdy does she ever.
My point...it is what ever works for you. 1st attempt may not be the answer...start now.

 

[GodFearinGunTotin]

Not to dismiss other posters, but 88GT and Churchmouse provide some solid insight, IMO. Another angle I've found is associate/spend time with positive people. I've found when I spend more time with negative people, I find myself becoming that way. Conversely, when I spend time around optimistic, positive people, I find myself in similar frames of mind.

You can never, totally avoid negative, depressing, angry people. We're often related to them or have to work/go to school with them. But we can often limit our interactions with them.

 

[CindyE]

Not to dismiss other posters, but 88GT and Churchmouse provide some solid insight, IMO. Another angle I've found is associate/spend time with positive people. I've found when I spend more time with negative people, I find myself becoming that way. Conversely, when I spend time around optimistic, positive people, I find myself in similar frames of mind.

You can never, totally avoid negative, depressing, angry people. We're often related to them or have to work/go to school with them. But we can often limit our interactions with them.

i was going to say something similar. Try to hang out with people you want to be like. My husband and some other close family members are negative and angry. Every little thing that goes wrong causes so much drama with them, and it is exhausting to be around it too much. Getting outdoors and walking/hiking or relaxing help me a lot. spending a nice afternoon at an outdoor gun range helps, too. my husband and i have a friend we go shooting with who seldom gets angry or frustrated. i love it when he takes us to the range he belongs to out in the boonies. i enjoy getting away from society, and my husband is more calm, too.

 

[Dead Duck]

^^^^What She Said ^^^^

Toxic Souls Suck! - Hanging with them will only bring you down with them.

 

[indyjs]

Sorry

I have yet to see a blended "family" work. Can't believe your parents make you pay them. Sadly, I don't see today's parents make much effort to parent. I chalked that up to the people I am around. I know good parents are out there, but, it takes a lot of sacrifice and that is a quality our society is missing.
Positives- you have the necessities and an opportunity to educate
Negatives= you give up full control of your life for it.

That is much like the adult experience. Work on what you can control
Nothing else you can do

 

[LarryC]

A few comments from an Old man.

First take a look around you, apparently you have a decent home, a vehicle, firearms, doesn't sound like you are worried about missing a meal right? Sir, a year seems forever at your age, but before you know it, you will be on your own.

A couple of old adages that helped me through out my life - First one is "Count your Blessings". When your depressed and thinking about all the things that aren't going your way - STOP, and start thinking about what is good (or even great in your life). Do you have any incurable diseases? Are you a fairly good looking guy? Still in school, take advantage and get the best grades you can and graduate - it will help you get a better job and also you will earn a LOT more money the rest of your life. Don't spend much time worrying about whether your classmate admire or hate you, within about 1 or 2 years after you leave school you will seldom if ever see most of them again - maybe you may stay in contact with a special friend or two!

It is easy (for all of us) to worry about little things. Most of the time they are just that - small stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff, and you will find there is really very little "big stuff". Arguments with your parents and friends are usually very small stuff, 99% of the time both sides (You and them) have their minds made up and many times are impossible to change. The only chance you have to convince anyone is to listen to their side and (quietly) ask questions like, "do you believe that is fair" or "what can I do to change this" etc.

The second Adage that is very important to me is "This too shall pass". When you are really down - think back a few years to something that seemed really important, in most cases, it no longer matters. When a young man your age loses a girl friend, it seems the world has ended - as you get older and marry a divorce seems the same! In 99.99% of these cases a year or so later you can look back with no regrets. Hard to believe what I am telling you now. But I raised 6 children - they all have families of their own - and I have some Great Grandchildren. I truly believe all of them went through the same things you are now - all survived, and I'm going to the gun show with my youngest son, in his 40's now, tomorrow.

They would tell you the same thing I am saying, hang in there - the sun will rise tomorrow - and things will get better.

Remember one other thing, when you stay mad at someone - it really bothers you and makes you depressed - the person you are mad at doesn't suffer - YOU do - Not what you really want, is it? Just slough it off and smile, that may bother Them!

 

[churchmouse]

Young man, there are some very good opinions and ideas in this thread. I can only hope one or more of them can be put to some good.
Start today............please.
Mad and upset is a total waste of vital energy.

 

[Mosinguy]

Good advice in this thread. I appreciate it.